I once attended a Good Friday service where the pastor encouraged us to look at Good Friday positively, to see the crucifixion through "Easter eyes." To be honest, the bright lights and the upbeat music and mood felt to me like a missed opportunity. His intentions were good. He wanted to protect us from feeling defeated as we meditated on the death of Christ. But in doing so, he robbed us of exactly the feeling and experience that Good Friday is meant to give us.

Those of us who inhabit the sphere of "American Christianity" live in a world that doesn't know when, how, or even why to grieve. For us, Christianity is about victory, it's about feeling better about ourselves. It's upbeat, inspiring, short, and peppy. I know one pastor of a large church who once asked his worship leaders not to play any songs written in a minor key. Too much of a downer.

Like all of us, I was hit hard by the events of September 2001. I was up early on the morning of the 11th for a meeting and was actually watching ...