Speed Leas, co-author of Mastering Conflict and Controversy, writes about a church that was mired in "dissension between the newcomers and long-time members." At an all-day meeting, the congregation drew up guidelines for how they would handle their conflict. Some of those guidelines:
- Conflict can be healthy and useful for our church. It is okay for people to differ with one another.
- Resolutions for the sake of quick agreement are often worse than agreements that are carefully worked out over time.
- Fair conflict management includes:
- dealing with one issue at a time;
- if more than one issue is presented, agreeing on the order in which the issues will be addressed;
- exploring all the dimensions of the problem(s);
- exploring alternative solutions to the problem(s).
- dealing with one issue at a time;
- If any party is uncomfortable with the forum in which the conflict is raised, it is legitimate to request and discuss what the most appropriate forum might be.
- Inappropriate behavior in conflict includes, but is not limited to:
- name calling;
- mind reading (attributing evil motives to others);
- inducing guilt (e.g., "Look how you've made me feel");
- rejecting, deprecating, or discrediting another person;
- using information from confidential sources or indicating that such information exists.
- name calling;
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