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Just Marinating

I was Going to Commit Suicide, but…
An invitation to a friend may save a life.
I was Going to Commit Suicide, but…
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I received a letter some time ago that I have to share with you. You see, when I received this letter, I was tired and discouraged. We’d been out of room at Transformation Church at our broadcast location for years, even with five services. I wasn’t sure we’d be able to raise the money needed to build a new facility to reach more hurting people.

After receiving the *letter below, I believed God would provide.

“Dear Derwin,

I have been attending Transformation Church for 19 months. The evening before I visited Transformation Church for the first time, I spent the evening finalizing my suicide plans. I was emotionally broken; I had nothing else.

A friend called late and asked if I would visit Transformation Church with her, and I agreed.

On the way there, when she expressed her need for hope, I did not say much. I hoped to find closure.

I realized that no one in my life knew that I wanted to commit suicide. Everyone in my life knew what had occurred. Everyone asked often, “How are you doing? Can I do anything for you? Do you need anything?” My answer was always, “I’m fine, no complaints here.” So many times I was told how strong I am, and to a degree I am, but some things no human can carry for long.

I have no memory of what you preached on that day. My friend left happy and very excited; I was numb. I spent the afternoon sitting on the couch. Hours went by, and I do not remember any of it, but the next morning I woke up and realized my planned hour of departure had passed. For me, that meant I had to plan everything over again.

The week flew by, and once again it was Sunday morning. My friend did not call about going to Transformation Church, but I went alone… I cried the entire service and the remainder of the afternoon, but I did not know why. I decided that night that I was too broken to be fixed and got busy writing some notes to my family. Other than the shock that I was planning to commit suicide, I believed that I was leaving them in better shape. I believed I was more valuable dead than alive.

It was time… I was ready… My phone rang; someone I loved had a need; I could help; the week flew by. Once again it was Sunday morning, and I was at Transformation Church—again.

It has been 19 months now. Every Sunday I’m at Transformation Church.

I realized at some point that, although I had always believed in Jesus, I had never accepted that I was His Beloved.

I somehow believed that my problems were too small to bother Him with. After all, there are some really big problems; mine in comparison are nothing. I finally realized that He wants me to share them all with Him; I do not have to carry any of it alone.

I got baptized at Transformation Church this year; I serve on a ministry team; I know 10 people who are coming to Transformation Church because I invited them; I tithe every week.

“He Brings His Lost Children Home”—this sermon was so comforting to me. I just wanted to thank you.


Pastors, leaders, and Christ-followers, our ministry matters.

God wants to reach hurting people using us.

Through Jesus, we are the hope of the world.

Marinate on that.

(*letter above edited only for clarity)

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October 16, 2014 at 5:00 AM
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