Undergirding the Unequally Yoked Husband

The men in our churches who are unequally yoked encounter most of the same problems as their female counterparts. However, since generally there are fewer of them, they are overlooked in the total ministry of the church, and they may not be as readily accepted as are women with non-Christian husbands. Since it is more common for women to attend services and meetings alone, unequally yoked men often feel even more out of place than unequally yoked women.

The Christian husband’s attitude toward the complex issue of submission is usually different. Although his wife does not acknowledge Christ’s lordship, he is still the spiritual leader of his family. A Christian woman who is married to an unbeliever is forced to assume that responsibility by default. Again, because of different role perceptions, the husband may not feel obliged to maintain a “silent witness.” But neither can he make his wife accept Christ. He must do all he can to live with his wife in an understanding way and love her as devotedly and sacrificially as Christ loved the church. That is his best witness.

One of the great concerns of men in this situation is the effect their wives’ unbelief has upon the children. There is much truth in the old adage that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Even if a mother is employed full-time, she still has a significant effect on her children, especially in the formative early years. Unequally yoked fathers find that parenting, when they have no spiritual support from their wives, is extremely difficult.

They find it difficult to motivate children to want to attend church when mother doesn’t go and doesn’t care if the family goes. Although the Christian father is the spiritual head of his family, the mother in many cases is the motivator, the planner of activities, and she sets the emotional environment in the home. If she balks at church, or is disinterested in it, so, too, are the children.

Sunday school teachers can help meet this need. The teacher’s concern for the children can counterbalance such negativism at home. She can legitimately call on non-Christian mothers and cultivate their friendship, based on her association with the children.

Another area where unequally yoked men face problems relates to positions of church leadership. Some churches interpret 1 Timothy 3:4, 12 to mean that if a man has an unsaved wife, he isn’t managing his own household as he ought, and therefore he should not be allowed to hold a leadership position in the body. This frustrates gifted Christian men. Further, those who are permitted to hold office sometimes face awkward social circumstances, when boards or teaching staffs have husband/wife retreats, dinners, or prayer meetings. And, of course, wives with no interest in church affairs resent the time their husbands invest in the church.

These Christian men can be given opportunities to serve in ways that are geared to their unique situations. For example, if they are not allowed to serve on official boards, they could serve in an advisory capacity. It would not be contrary to Scripture for them to teach Sunday school or do evangelism or outreach work. As for women, special meetings could be structured for men, and their wives should be included in the social functions sponsored by the women’s group. The primary goal should be to undergird them and do whatever possible in order to compensate for the needs in their lives.

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