I began to absorb the impact of my decision the night I called a meeting of small group leaders. I had stepped from the senior pastorate of a modest New England congregation into a staff position at a mega-church. My responsibilities were substantial: small group development, adult education, and an emerging counseling department. With two graduate degrees and a decent track record, my gut said I was ready for the demanding pace. What I was not prepared for was the impact of that gathering of small group leaders—all three of them.

My early years as a staff person were met by more than a few disappointments. In my previous setting, the flock generally responded to my leadership; here my voice seemed a cry in the wilderness. I eventually reconciled myself to the reality that I no longer called the shots. My place in the hierarchy did not translate into influence. Without direct involvement with the board and regular access to the pulpit, I felt bound and gagged. Despair set in.

And there ...