The Global Conversation

Overall a good article, but yes, it has been infected with Reformed fatalism. The purpose of all those Christian parenting books is ultimately to make money, not to make better parents. All parents can do is pray, follow God, and do their best. Since our children are imperfect humans like ourselves, sometimes the results aren't what we want or expect.

This article is so true, God bless you for giving such clear advice and info to parents about how much our god or bad parenting counts in the life of our children. My husband and I and our 14 children have been missionaries for almost 38 years. Not all of them are missionaries today, but we tried to be faithful to pass on our faith and to love them so they will also choose the Lord in their lives. As any parents we learned from all the mistakes we did in raising them; and we are still learning every single day how to do better. Not quiet yet arrived since life is a constant learning process. We still have four with us, under 15; always in the process of learning how to pass on the life of faith; but always reminding ourselves that God doesn't have grandchildren so our kids will have to find out on their own what is their destiny. It's just for us to be faithful in our parenting and let God do the rest. Parenting is a lot about being a good sample before giving a sermon then let God act

I was both glad and surprised by the Reformed position this article espoused. Kent Hughes addressed this same topic several years ago in "Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome." I do believe that accepting what 1 Kings 11:4 says about David's devotion to the Lord does not qualify David as a great parent. He probably exhibits the greatest dysfunctional family (and parent) in all the Bible which is one reason David's life is great preaching and teaching. What else do you think just might be "infected" by our uncritical acceptance of American values? I suspect we have converted a load of these into Christian values least of which is not our strong militarism and conservatism at all costs.

5 stars! I have beat myself up for years because at least one of my children is weak in being the spiritual leader in his home. This article has given me so much peace! Thank you! It's true in my case that a fussy child will be more likely to follow his parent's spirituality. My firstborn was the fussy one--the one that had us pulling our hair out, and now he is a pastor. The remaining three children were relatively calm children, and all of them have at some level walked away from the faith. What heartbreak! I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control.

Insightful article that explains a lot. However ... I just read Christian Smith's new book Souls in Transition, an extensive study of the spiritual lives of "emerging adults," and he says that parental faith commitment and involvement DOES tend to be a strong predictor of religious commitment in young people. True, correlation is not causation, as they say. But we need to drill down further into this "why some and not others" question. And jettison the language about kids "turning out," like a cake out of the oven.

I have a broken marriage and 3 sons in their 20s. By all human standards, and probably the usual Bible ones too, I tried but failed as a parent. I still feel this painfully at times. We married in the Lord with all the good intentions. But... my youngest was filled with the Holy Spirit 7 years ago and hasn't looked back. He's both solid and on fire. It's as if God has taken him and said 'Stand back, watch what I do in him, he's mine.' I can pray, be there for him, and most importantly keep close to Jesus myself. That's possibly all I've ever done for him that's of eternal value. He's my son, but he's my brother in Christ (and I've told him so). One down, two to go!!

Thank you for this fantastic article, it should be republished annually!! Why do churches teach that if you parent perfectly, take parenting courses and raise your children in the church then your children will turn out to be wonderful? Like Anonymous, I believed this teaching too until our lives were turned upside down by one of our children. What happened to our child was not our fault & could not be hidden. I felt I had nowhere to turn within the church, our pastor made unhelpful suggestions, most everyone else seemed to have "good" children. Apart from 2 christian people, my non-christian friends were more accepting and more supportive during those dark days than most christians I know. Another church worker meddled in our other child's dating situation without our consent. It's a wonder that we all still have faith after this. Sadly I am left feeling wary of church folk who continue to believe that parenting (or controling?) their children correctly will produce perfect fruit.

A great article that confirms my thought on this subject a couple of years ago. Nevertheless, I think the fallen human nature and sin would have a greater influence on our kids than that of genetics. What do you think?

Just when I need a word from the Lord, it is provided. Thank you for this article. I pray that it will help those that God has placed in my life to encourage as I minister to Hurting Children and their families.

Oh that I had read this article 20 years ago! Instead of being in a church that went from one "christian" parenting study to the next. The goal was to create the kind of family that would cause all of your non-Christian friends and neighbors to want what you had-a family that maybe wasn't perfect, but certainly better than most. During some challenging teenager years, I felt like a failure as a mom and as follower of Christ. I could find lots of advice on how to "fix" whatever perceived problem, very little support and encouragement in learning and trusting in the God of grace who was walking beside us through the challenges. Most of the studies (well-intentioned though they may have been) were based on christianized forms of manipulation and control. Is that a truthful, graceful, sinless way to relate to one another? Is that how God relates to us? Learning parenting skills is one thing (a good thing); spiritualizing those skills or putting "good" families on pedestals is not helpful.