Something in human nature tempts us to stay where we’re comfortable. We try to find a plateau, a resting place, where we have comfortable stress and adequate finances. Where we have comfortable associations with people, without the intimidation of meeting new people and entering strange situations.
Of course, all of us need to plateau for a time. We climb and then plateau for assimilation. But once we’ve assimilated what we’ve learned, we climb again. It’s unfortunate when we’ve done our last climb. When we have made our last climb, we are old, whether 40 or 80.
Our goal on earth is to grow into the likeness of Christ, the one who gave himself for others. As Robert Browning wrote, “Why stay we on earth except to grow?” And why grow unless it is to serve?
Over the years I’ve thought a lot about why certain friends and associates develop more than others. I believe that reaching the peak of personal growth depends upon six key practices.
FOCUS ON SELF-DEVELOPMENT, NOT SELF-FULFILLMENT
The motive is the difference.
Self-fulfillment means doing what I enjoy most and will receive the most strokes for doing. Self-development means doing what I am talented and uniquely fit to do, and that becomes my responsibility.
Self-fulfillment thinks of how something serves me. Self-development thinks of how something helps me to serve others.
Shirley MacLaine is a great proponent of self-fulfillment. New Agers are interested primarily in fulfilling themselves.
Mother Teresa is a self-developed person (under the guidance of the Holy Spirit). She won’t spend any more time accepting Nobel Prizes, because it takes away from waiting on poor and dying people. Self-fulfillment says, “Rub shoulders with the elite and accept the applause of the world before you die.” She would say, “Hogwash,” or some similar value statement.
With self-fulfillment, feeling good is the product. With self-development, feeling good is the by-product. It comes from the service performed.
To get personal for a minute, sometimes I ask myself, Why do I work so hard on my Sunday school lessons? As many times as I’ve taught, as much material as I’ve got in my files, I should be able to rework material and coast. Sometimes I’m tempted to sleep a little late and spend only an hour before class putting together something that would be acceptable. But I know I can’t let up and keep up. I cannot keep my self-respect unless I do the work. When I’ve done my best for the benefit of my listeners and the glory of God, then I feel a genuine satisfaction, not in self-fulfillment but in development through service.
People sometimes rationalize their accentuating of themselves by quoting, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” They feel it is reasonable to work first on loving themselves, for, as they say, “If I don’t love myself, how can I love others?”
I have experimented with this philosophy, because it’s very attractive. But if we love ourselves before we love other people, we have a hard time getting enough self-love to turn from it to loving others. It’s like drinking salty water; you never get your thirst licked. We must love others while, not after, we love ourselves.
Therefore, to grow in a healthy Christian way, I believe we must focus not on self-fulfillment but on self-development.
GROW THROUGH ASSOCIATION
It is not always comfortable, but it is always profitable, to associate with people larger than ourselves.
The other day a wealthy friend, former head of a large corporation, said, “Fred, I’m dying on the vine.” He has isolated himself from stimulating association with others. Generally the people he sees are those who want donations.
Since association is so important, it is necessary to schedule associations that keep you developing. For twenty years I’ve met with fourteen CEOs once a month for breakfast. It isn’t for Bible study or prayer, though all are Christians. We have no officers nor causes other than good conversation. We somewhat imitate that wonderful line that passed between Emerson and Thoreau: “And what has become clearer to you since last we met?”
Women associate with others based on relationships. Men often associate only on activities, and that’s a shortcoming. Activities alone are too narrow; relationships are much broader.
Often I ask my friends, “What exciting is going on?” That can lead into some interesting conversation. If there’s nothing exciting going on, I am liable to hear, “I wish there were something.” That gives a lead into the next question: “Well, what are you doing about it?” Or “Do we need to get together and talk about it?”
Often I’m asked by young people how it happened that I have known so many interesting people. I tell them, “Never underestimate the power of being a good student.” Great teachers appreciate promising pupils. When we’re good students, we allow teachers to do what they like most. When we learn from those larger than us, we are pleasing them and helping us.
ADOPT A PERSONAL CREED
Some years ago I was reading research about corporations that had adopted creeds. It was surprising how much more profitable, progressive, and permanent these organizations were, compared to ones that operated without a stated creed.
I realized that I had never written out my own creed, so I spent time doing this. This creed spells out the concepts I accept as standards for my thinking and behavior. Of course, I fall short at times, but this creed lets me know where I am falling short. It becomes a compass.
One advantage of a creed is that it helps you to develop habits, which you can turn into reflexes. A minister in Arizona became interested in developing a creed for his family. They went off for a weekend and came up with an excellent one, which describes and proscribes the culture of their family.
I’ve never published my creed, since a creed is personal and will vary from individual to individual (and group to group). But I can give you an example. One of my tenets is, “I will accept truth no matter who it comes from.”
My creed also spells out what I will not do. Several years ago I wrote, “I will not sacrifice these things for business success: (1) self-respect, (2) health, (3) family, (4) relation with God.”
In developing a personal creed, it is helpful to identify qualities you want in your life. As a young man, I found six people who personified qualities I sought, and I asked them to give me a picture of themselves. I framed the photos and put them on the wall to remind me of the growth I was seeking. For example, I included a photo of Maxey Jarman, the chairman of Genesco, who had one of the highest senses of responsibility I’ve ever known. Another photo was of a friend who possessed tremendous intellectual integrity.
Adopting a personal creed helps me to contribute my uniqueness. If I don’t contribute my uniqueness, there is no reason for me to have lived.
BUILD THE HABIT OF CONTINUAL LEARNING
In a professional meeting where they passed out degrees for continuing education, I looked around during the lecture. I was surprised to find that none of the hundred or so people was taking notes. I was, because the speaker was saying something worthwhile, and it has become habit with me to take notes. These people had spent years in continuing education getting degrees, but they had never gotten the concept of continual learning.
I don’t think I should be teaching unless I am learning. There’s something in the process I need to be involved in. Both Steve Brown and Ben Haden are continual learners. I’ve seen Ben run out of paper and start writing notes on a $5 bill.
Harvey Penick, the dean of golf pros, wrote the best-seller Harvey Penick’s “Little Red Book.” He taught Ben Crenshaw, Tom Kite, Kathy Wentworth, Mickey Wright, among other pros. Yet Penick is self-taught. He carried a little red book in his pocket, and whenever he observed something about golf, he wrote it down. He was a continual learner.
Penick always wanted to be a teacher of golf, so he recorded thoughts on that as well. For example, Mickey Wright took a lesson from him, and after he had given her a number of suggestions to improve her swing, she said, “Harvey, please tell me one thing, and let’s learn that.” Penick wrote that in his little book, and from then on he never tried to teach more than one thing at a time.
By a wonderful coincidence, Penick gave me a golf lesson. He looked at the bottom of my driver and said, “I see your problem from the tee marks.” Then he said one word to me: “Pronate.” I needed to roll my wrist. He was the first pro I’d met who didn’t talk all the time I was trying to learn. Penick said just one thing. He knew if he could get me to pronate, he could go from there to correct other things.
Penick was an example of a continual learner. With his approach, we can develop habits that we can build into reflexes.
Lately I’ve been making a few talks out of my “Einstein Book.” A friend gave me a blank notebook with Einstein’s picture on the front, knowing I am a great admirer of his. He could reduce the most complex subject into an elegantly simple formula. Therefore, in this book I write the immutable principles that I have found out in life. I now have twenty-six of these “essence statements.” For example, one of my favorites I paraphrased from Oswald Chambers: Sit loose to things and close to people.
Another essence statement I find isn’t believed by most people, and I think it’s one of the problems in our country. I’ve asked audience after audience if they believe humanity is basically good or basically evil. The large majority of people believe man is basically good with a potential for evil.
Once I asked a prominent psychiatrist whether man tended to be good or evil, and he said, “That is the watershed of human thinking,” but he would not take a position. For some reason, a lot of people believe it makes them a pessimist to believe in the sin nature. I think it makes them a realist. Without belief in Adamic sin, I could not understand people at all and would have no grasp of politics or the daily news.
A continual learner doesn’t learn to be thought of as brilliant—that’s drifting back to self-fulfillment. A former business associate bought the latest newspaper whenever we walked out of the office to go to lunch. On the way to lunch, he read his paper. One day I asked him why he did that. Without embarrassment he said, “I can’t stand for anybody to say anything to me I don’t already know.”
Let me contrast that with a conversation I had with a pastor recently. I quoted a phrase I had heard, “America elects politicians to represent them instead of to lead them.” He grabbed my arm and said, “Hey, wait a minute. Let me write that down.”
A continual learner lets nothing pass him or her without absorbing it. The antenna is always up, with the possibility of learning from everybody.
GUIDE LEARNING WITH MAJOR THEMES
Generally, major themes are different from your creed concepts. These themes become the focus of your thinking and research, your speaking and writing. Without the discipline of themes, we become like the young salesperson coming out of a sales meeting. He’s so inspired he jumps into the first cab and says, “Take me anywhere! I’ve got prospects everywhere!”
Some people read everything on the best-seller list. They have no channel for their life, because they are not thinking of their use. Development is for use.
C.S. Lewis said that every person is composed of a few themes. I think that’s true.
I put a priority on my major themes. If I have an opportunity to go to two or three different meetings, I choose the one in line with my priority.
A pastor may find interpersonal relationships his major need and therefore, an important theme. Another, who feels his preaching needs to improve, will take the theme of public communication.
Knowing your themes is a healthy way to channel your energy. Once I asked Ray Stedman, “Do you ever suffer from burnout?”
He replied, “How could I burn out? I am explaining the mysteries of God. I’m discovering the mysteries of God and giving them to my people. How could you burn out doing that?” For Ray, discovering and communicating the mysteries of God was one of his themes.
Mine are different, for themes are personal. Our son Fred once asked, “If you had one talk to make, what would be the subject?”
I said, “The trend of human nature, because understanding human nature is basic to all other knowledge.”
Personal development, both of myself and others, has also been a big theme with me. It had to be; as a poor kid starting without business skills, I had no other access to the ascending rungs of the ladder.
Another theme has been the question, “Why don’t we do as well as we know?” I wonder why so many of us are married to mediocrity. Comfort, both physical and psychic, has a great deal to do with it.
Recently, talking to a group of sales personnel, I asked, “Is there anybody here who doesn’t know how to lose weight?” Not a hand came up.
I continued, “You realize that weight loss is a multi-billion-dollar industry. If everybody already knows how to lose weight, what’s the problem? The problem is that we don’t want to do what we know. The problem is motivation, not knowledge.”
So, motivation has always been one of my themes. I like to ask, “How can you get the water to go from 211 degrees to 212, changing it from liquid to steam?” A steam engine can’t run on hot water.
By identifying your major themes, you focus your passion for greater use.
MOVE FROM DUTY TO DELIGHT
Finally, many people approach self-development as one more thing they ought to do, whether they want to or not. Not doing it makes them feel guilty.
Forcing yourself to do something you dislike is ultimately dangerous, like running a motor without oil: You build up heat, build up tension, and eventually destroy the motor.
The secret of growing for a lifetime is to move from seeing self-development as a burden to seeing it as a joy—the way to fulfill responsibility, the path of worthwhile accomplishment. Once it becomes that, we will automatically do it, for we do the things we enjoy.
A friend said to me, “My life changed as a sophomore at Princeton, when I learned that it was fun to learn. From that time, studying has never been a burden, something imposed on me. It has become a way of life.” He is a joy to know.
***********************
Fred Smith is a businessman in Dallas, Texas; a board member of Christianity Today, Inc.; and a contributing editor of Leadership.
1996 Christianity Today/LEADERSHIP Journal
