Pastors

Grinnin’ Down Bears

According to legend, Davy Crockett, without a weapon, subdued a bear. Asked how he did it, he replied that he just “grinned the bear down.”

Ask ministers what their biggest dilemma is, and they’ll likely say it’s problem people in the church, our equivalent of hungry bears. I’ve made two big mistakes with the bears in my ministry.

My first inclination has been to fight it out with my critics. I’ve stood foursquare for truth, defended my ground, proved my case-and lost the fight. I won the war of words, but with things never again the same in the relationship, it wasn’t much of a victory.

I’ve also tried a second tactic: apologizing when I didn’t think I was wrong. That made for peace, but I felt ravaged inside afterward. I wanted to fight and felt like a wimp for giving in.

Fortunately, my years in the ministry have helped me discover a more satisfying third option. In this approach I neither fight aggressively nor passively submit to a clawing; instead, I grin the bear down.

A time for grinnin’

Here’s an example of how I stand my ground and disarm the grizzly. One such encounter started with that common preachers’ hazard-the after-worship attack in the hallway. One of my listeners stepped up (while I was shaking hands and extracting all the compliments possible) and said to me, “That’s the worst sermon you ever preached.”

Instead of attacking or retreating, I decided to grin him down. I used what’s been my most effective response: “You’re probably right.”

The word probably introduces the subtle possibility that the bear also could be wrong. We can rest assured, however, that the critic will hear “You’re right” and miss the word probably. But this sets the stage for a truth search, in which I may find he’s telling the truth-if I understand what he means, and if he understands what he means.

Then I used some diplomatic questions to get at the issues. “Would it be all right if I asked why you thought that was the worst sermon I ever preached?”

What could he say? He wasn’t about to admit, “No, I’m afraid to look deeply into anything I say.” Instead of attacking his case, I was asking him to explain it. I’ve been amazed at how much more agreeable bears are if I first accept their feelings rather than argue with their conclusions. There will be plenty of time later for arguing if I must, but in the beginning, I try to understand what is really being said. I’ve learned that once I understand my critic, I rarely disagree totally.

“Well, you never used to preach so hard,” my critic responded.

I listened carefully and replied, “That may be true, but I thought I had always preached that way. Perhaps I’ve not been aware of how I sound.” Note the tentative words may and perhaps. Trying to understand him promoted a sense of fair play, which compelled him to offer me the same courtesy.

I remembered that my critic had been away for some time, so I asked him, “Is it possible you might have changed some during the months you were away? For instance, what kind of preacher did you listen to while you were gone?” He admitted the preaching he had been hearing in another city had little bite to it.

“Do you suppose,” I probed, “that would make me sound harsher than normal?”

“It’s possible.”

We had a bit of privacy to talk further, so I continued: “Tell me, has anything else been different in your life over these past few months while you’ve been gone?”

After some thought, he admitted he’d been associating with different kinds of people than was his usual custom. “It’s possible my preaching has deteriorated,” I admitted, “but could it also be possible that the changes in your life might make my preaching seem harder than you remember it?”

My question was designed not so much to argue with him but to understand him, and I worked to communicate that feeling with my voice and posture. Eventually, he admitted his recent lifestyle was probably counter to what I’d always preached.

At that point I said, “Then I think you’re probably correct. From your standpoint, this was likely the worst sermon you ever heard me preach.” In saying that, I let him know I understood where he was coming from and was receiving his comment not from my background but from his.

I kidded him that from my standpoint, if we were going to have a “Robert’s Worst Sermon” contest, some of my other sermons ought to be given a fair chance in the competition. In twenty years of preaching at that church, surely some of my really bad sermons deserved honorable mention. Even the bear cracked a smile.

We worked through our encounter on a win-win basis. My bear got to growl, but I also clarified that on an objective basis this was likely not my worst sermon ever. My critic also recognized that perhaps he had changed at least as much as my preaching.

Disarming and fair

There are right ways and wrong ways to stand your ground. I try to be both disarming and fair.

For instance, I ask myself, Is this a form of manipulation? Obviously, it can be. If I’m clever enough, I can use it as a deceitful psychological club. Unless I am on a truth search, it can become nothing more than gamesmanship.

What do I mean by a truth search? Simply being willing to find the truth. For example, saying “You’re probably right” must not be a gimmick. I’m not deceitful when I say it, because I’ve found few of us (me included) say exactly what we mean the first time. I give people the credit for possibly being right.

Then, however, I need to ferret out what’s behind their perception of the situation. A truth seeker enters the encounter willing to accept whatever is real. After all, it’s entirely possible that it might have been my worst sermon ever! Manipulators, on the other hand, keep maneuvering until they get the answer they want. Manipulators eventually get caught, though. Insincerity riles bears, and things can get nasty when they smell a phony.

What are my motives? Many motives are possible, but these are my conscious ones:

First, I want to defuse an explosive situation. James says, “The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God” (1:20). Anything I can do to control anger (his and mine) will help the cause of truth.

Second, I need to understand my critic. I may not admire his attitude or his choice of words, but if I can hang in there for a while, I may receive a blessing. After all, something stirred him up. Even if he has no constructive suggestions, perhaps I can discover something helpful in his clarified criticism.

Third, I also need to make my point about what I believe to be truth. But I can say it best in a nondefensive posture. By the use of questions, Jesus corrected his opponents effectively when they strayed from the truth. I may need to do the same.

What if I can’t complete the process? The confrontation I mentioned took place in the hallway on Sunday morning. Fortunately, most of the congregation had already gone. Had the time not been available, I would have invited the bear to lunch. Time for leisurely discussion is always my preference. Since some problems cannot be delayed, however, I try to be prepared mentally to handle some confrontations immediately.

What if I successfully grin down the bear but the bear still wants my picnic basket? What if my critic and I manage to stay calm and objective but still disagree? Grinnin’ bears is designed to cool emotional heat, slow arguments, and dispel clouds of misunderstanding. If it does that, it has worked well. And if the issue remains, it will still have to be faced.

After all, right and wrong can never agree, and truth and error forever remain enemies. The big difference is that now the real issue can be handled instead of a bogus one. Likewise, truth will be better served if we both coolly continue on the truth search.

I hope I haven’t given the impression that this is an easy process. I’ve been working on this concept for twenty years. In the words of Scripture, I learned it “line upon line, precept upon precept; here a little, there a little.” Although the process is clear, it must be learned and practiced. Not many of us do this sort of thing naturally; it takes patience.

Just keep in mind the claw marks you won’t have to nurse-or the dead bears you won’t have to bury.

-Robert K. Oglesby

Waterview Church of Christ

Richardson, Texas

Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.

Pastors

To Verify…

With this issue, LEADERSHIP introduces this new column, a companion to “To Illustrate . . .” For seven years, readers have turned to “To Illustrate . . .” for stories and illustrations that communicate with impact, and they’ve given it high marks for its usefulness in their preaching.

However, increasingly, church leaders recognize the need for an additional persuasive tool: accurate, forceful statistics. Statistics that take the pulse of society, that support or dispel assumptions, that clarify what’s happening around us.

For each “To Verify . . .” column, the editors will select current statistics of greatest value to pastors, teachers, and other Christian communicators.

Fast Facts

Percentage of Americans earning less than $15,000 a year who say they have achieved the American Dream: 5

Percentage earning more than $50,000 a year who say this: 6

Percentage of American children living with just one parent, in 1960: 10

Percentage now: 24

Current total of U.S. AIDS patients: 63,726

Estimated number by the end of 1993: 450,000

Average cost of a religious hardcover book in 1977: $12.26

In 1987: $24.22

Percentage of college freshmen who said the goal of “developing a meaningful philosophy of life” is important, in 1967: 83

Percentage today: 39

Percentage of college freshmen who say “being well-off financially” is one of their top goals, today: 76

Percentage of Americans who do not believe in God: 1

Percentage of adults who attend church in a typical week, in Ireland: 87

Percentage in the U.S.: 41; in France: 12

Number of hours of leisure time each week for an American adult, in 1973: 26.2

Number of hours in 1987: 16.6

Percentage of married young adults without children who attend religious services almost every week: 27

Percentage of married young adults with children who attend religious services almost every week: 43

Percentage of unchurched teenagers who performed volunteer service last year: 16

Percentage of churched teenagers who did: 31

Rewards of Success

What do American high-achievers say is their most important reward? What drives them to accomplish?

Is it money? No, according to George Gallup, Jr., and Alee M. Gallup, authors of The Great American Success Story (Dow Jones-Irwin, 1986). Expensive possessions came in a distant tenth on a list of important rewards ranked by high-achievers.

Is it fame? Close; peer recognition was second.

But the key motivator for people who get things done is a sense of personal worth and self-respect.

The Unchurched

About 44 percent of U.S. adults are unchurched, neither belonging to a church nor visiting one in the last six months, except for holidays, weddings, or funerals. This finding came from a Gallup study, “The Unchurched American, 1988,” which also reported:

72 percent of these unchurched believe Jesus is the Son of God

63 percent believe the Bible is God’s Word

77 percent pray to God (41 percent daily)

Surprisingly, 58 percent of unchurched adults said they’re open to joining a church if they found the right one. Yet in the past year, only 38 percent were invited to one.

SOURCES – American Dream: Roper Organization, reported in Harper’s, 8/88. Single-parent families: New York Times, 1/28/88, reported in Youthworker Update, 3/88. AIDS: Government statistics, reported in the Washington Post and New York Times, 6/5/88. Book costs: Publisher’s Weekly, reported in Context, 5/15/88. College freshmen: American Council on Education survey of 290,000 college freshmen, reported in Group, 5/88. Belief in God: 100% American by Daniel Weiss (Poseidon Press, forthcoming), reported in Good Housekeeping, 10/88. Church attendance: Gallup Report by Norman Webb and Robert Wybrow (Sphere Books, Ltd., 1982). Leisure time: Survey by Louis Harris and Associates, Inc., commissioned by Philip Morris Companies, Inc. Reported in the Chicago Tribune, 3/16/88. Young marrieds’ church attendance: Princeton Religion Research Center’s PRRC Emerging Trends, 4/88. Teenagers’ service: PRRC Emerging Trends, 5/88.

Leadership Winter 1989 p. 81

Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.

Pastors

Well-Focused Preaching

Taking a clear picture of your preaching activities requires both wide-angle and zoom lenses.

When I first began teaching publicly, as a youth minister in the early seventies, I taught in a conversational, dialogue style. After all, there were just twenty-five kids. When my material wasn’t all that useful, one of the students would raise a hand and say, “Can we move on?” Then I’d realize I was missing the mark, or I had overstayed my welcome in the Book of Leviticus, and we would move on.

I stayed with that style for more than a year, but then we started outreach programs, and all of a sudden the group jumped from 25 to 150. My teaching style soon became inappropriate for the larger group; I actually had to start putting together formal messages. In a panic, I went to a senior pastor friend and said, “I have to start giving full-blown messages to 150 high school students. What do you suggest?”

He said, “Well, if I were you, I would get a copy of Berkhof’s Manual of Christian Doctrine and just start at chapter 1 and teach these kids.” Sounded fine to me. So I read the first chapter of Berkhof, did some underlining and preparation, and that night began delivering it to a roomful of students.

Five minutes into that talk, I started to see glazed expressions. Students were looking around the room to see who was there. Others were looking at their watches, passing notes to each other, drawing on the backs of the chairs in front of them.

Right then, I knew this teaching was not useful. I was so disheartened by what was happening that I stopped about a third of the way into the message.

“I have to apologize,” I said, “for the fact that I am missing the mark tonight. What I prepared to say is obviously not on target. And I want to make a commitment to you students. If you’ll come back next week, I’m going to talk about something straight out of the Bible that is going to make a difference in your understanding of God, in your appreciation of the Christian faith, and in how you live your daily life. And if you’ll give me another opportunity, I’d like to prove that to you.”

The next week most of them returned, graciously, maybe just to humor me. But from that day on, I have lived with a sanctified terror of boring people or making the relevant Scriptures irrelevant. That experience helped me die to pride on the issue of having my teaching evaluated.

Every preacher is evaluated, one way or another, by every listener. I want to get evaluation that will help me be most effective in reaching people with God’s truth. I consider getting accurate evaluation part of my job.

The Right Questions

Constructive evaluation won’t happen, though, no matter how willing I am to receive it, unless I’m asking the right people the right questions at the right time.

By right people, I mean people with great discernment whom I have learned to trust. It will only distract, confuse, or harm me to get input from everyone. Instead, I want to go to wise counselors.

By right questions, I mean that I want to find out how I’m communicating at a variety of levels:

Each illustration-did it communicate what I intended?

Each message-did it serve its function in the series?

A year’s worth of messages-are they covering the topics and passages this congregation wants and needs to hear?

My preaching as a whole-is it helping to accomplish the goal of my ministry?

Finally, by right time, I mean I want to receive evaluation when it’s most effective. Obviously, that’s when I can do the most about it. Finding out after I deliver a message that it was slightly off track is somewhat useful. But how much more productive it is to find out before I put twenty hours into something that wasn’t well aimed. So increasingly, I ask “evaluation” questions during the planning stages before I preach. Each weekend, for example, I preach the same message three times-once on Saturday night and twice on Sunday morning. I try to get evaluation immediately following the Saturday night service, so I can make adjustments before I preach the same message two more times. As a result, some Sunday mornings have found me in my office at 5:30. But getting evaluation early keeps me from making one mistake multiple times.

Asking someone to evaluate your preaching is a delicate operation, and the people, questions, and timing are going to vary with each pastor and church. But let me share how I have tried to gain the information that would make my preaching better.

Evaluating One Sermon

The elders at Willow Creek would always respond truthfully when I asked them about the accuracy or relevancy of my preaching. But unless I asked, they wouldn’t say anything.

So over the course of time, we have formalized the process. Now the elders evaluate every message that I preach, and they give me a written response to it within minutes after I complete the message. One elder-our most discerning when it comes to preaching evaluation-collects responses from the other elders, summarizes them, and writes them on the front of a bulletin and gives it to me before I leave.

For example, on a recent Wednesday night I gave a strong call to honoring the lordship of Christ. One elder called me (though usually his comments would just be written on the bulletin) and said, “I really do appreciate all of what you said and the style and the tone of what you communicated Wednesday night. Now that you’ve made that emphasis, I feel it’s important for you to remind the people regularly in ensuing messages of the assisting work of the Holy Spirit. We need his power to submit consistently to that kind of lordship.”

I said, “Good word.” That’s the kind of correction I need, because sometimes I will feel so strongly about a subject that the sheer force of my personality causes complications I didn’t intend. People think I was angry about something. And so hearing how my tone and demeanor came across is very important to me.

This past Wednesday night, I again spoke on the lordship of Christ, and several elders remarked that they appreciated the spirit and tone with which I spoke. In this message, they said, I was not strident, but gave a loving call to discipleship. That meant a lot to me.

I realize the thought of having elders evaluate every message-or any message-is a frightening thought for many pastors. I confess that the primary reason this system of accountability and evaluation works in our setting is because of the enormous trust and love that has been built between my elders and me. When I work sometimes twenty-five or thirty hours on a sermon, and pour my life into it, and pray over it, and write out three drafts-if the evaluation is not done with great sensitivity and with no ulterior motives from the evaluators, the system would be imperiled. If I ever, even once, sensed a private agenda or hobby horse one particular elder wanted to ride, this form of evaluation we enjoy might unravel.

Having said that, however, we have taken several steps to ensure effective evaluation.

First, I freely admit to them I’m sensitive about having my preaching evaluated. I have told the elders probably a hundred times, “I am extremely vulnerable about these evaluations in the first four minutes after I get down from the pulpit. I would appreciate very much if whoever’s doing the evaluating would put a lot of time into thinking about how to present constructive criticisms to me.” The elders have understood that and worked hard on it.

Second, we filter all the evaluations through one person. It used to be that if I had said something a little off the mark in an illustration, by the time I got to my office, I’d heard about it seven or eight times. After the third elder would say something, I would say, “Enough already; I got the point.” But each one felt responsible to say something. So finally I went to the elders and said, “Time out. The seven pats on the back when I preach well are nice, but the seven slaps when I blow it are excruciating. Let’s filter all the comments through one elder so I’ll hear things only once.”

We chose as the person to collect responses a man who has a rare ability to affirm that which should be affirmed. The agreement is this: If an elder senses a message was right on the mark, then there’s no need to find this elder appointee and say anything. If the message was incredibly insightful-I think it’s happened once or twice-then make a point of telling the appointed elder. And if there’s a problem in the message, naturally, the elder appointee should hear about that. But there isn’t a formal caucus after each message, because over the years this particular elder’s evaluation has been recognized as almost always illustrative of the feelings of the group. And usually he will talk to two or three elders before he talks to me.

A third principle that makes the system work for us is that there’s give and take on the evaluations. A lot of times, the elder appointee will say something like this: “You might reconsider the use of such-and-such word, given the fact we have so many former Catholics.” I’ll ponder that and say, “I didn’t realize that would set them off. It’s no big deal to replace a word there. I can use another word, and everybody’s happy.”

But other times he’ll say, “Might you consider not making reference to the football player?” And I’ll say, “If this is one of those ‘might you reconsider,’ I think no, it’s very important for the nonchurched men I’m trying to reach.” As many times as not, the elder will say, “I can understand that.”

Of course, periodically, there are the comments such as, “Please change this; please delete the use of that word; please delete that illustration. We can talk about it later, or call me at home, but we have strong reservations about that concept.” And in those cases, I change it. The elders (and board members and staff people, whom I occasionally ask for evaluation) are discerning people who know when I hit the mark and when I forgot to load the gun.

I used an illustration one time about sitting next to a black attorney on a plane returning from Washington, D.C., and went on to talk about our conversation. One of the board members stopped me on the way out after the service, smiled, and said, “Was it necessary to say that attorney on the plane was black? Were you proving that you’re impartial? What were you saying there?”

“It never crossed my mind,” I said. “I was just reporting the facts. He was black.”

He said, “I would guess that as many people wondered why you noted that he was black as benefited from the point of your illustration.”

I said, “Now that’s a good insight.” To me, I was just reporting the facts, but reporting that fact clouded my illustration in many people’s minds; that one word made them miss the whole point of the illustration.

I know I’ve heard other speakers mention off-handedly in an illustration, “I saw this obese woman,” and I’m painfully aware that if I said that, many people in my church would have their self-esteem destroyed. They would be out of commission the rest of the sermon and not hear anything else I said. And the offhanded comment had nothing to do with the point of the illustration!

In fact, I got so tired of having ancillary issues become the dominant issues in my preaching, simply because of carelessness, that I now write my sermons in three drafts and include every word of every illustration. Now I’m not suggesting for a moment that other preachers inflict themselves with a discipline that I have chosen willfully and joyfully to submit to. I just got sick of reading, “Did you realize who might have been hurt by your reference to that? Your off-the-cuff remark about this may have meant this . . .”

Writing out sermons does offer many fringe benefits. I’ve found it helps me structure a sermon, because I can see the main points emerge. And writing helps expand my vocabulary. When someone talks, he tends to use repetitive word forms. When he writes, he realizes that two pages ago he used that particular word so it would be inappropriate to use it again. But the primary reason I write out a message is so that when I reread it before I deliver it, I can ponder, Who is that going to trip? What ancillary issue will that make dominant? It helps me say exactly what I want to say and not raise other issues that block the main point.

If, after reading the sermon I’m preparing, I still have a question about the appropriateness of a certain point, I may talk it over with an elder. This is especially true of messages for Wednesday night, when there’s no second chance to fix them. The elders and I meet to pray before services, and if there’s a troubling issue I’m going to get into, I’ll say then, “I feel I have to mention this certain topic, and I was planning to handle it this way. Are you all going to feel comfortable with that?”

Having elders or other trusted people evaluate each sermon sounds like work. It is. But this evaluation has saved me so many times from saying something I would regret later, that I have reached the point where I wouldn’t want to preach without it.

Evaluating a Year’s Worth of Sermons

Sometimes, though, I need to step back and look at more than one message or series. The zoom lens is fine, but sometimes you need to use a wide-angle lens to get everything in. I’ve found it natural to look at a year’s worth of messages at one time.

The only way I can do this, though, is to get away from the church for an extended period in which I can pray, read, and look back over my previous year’s sermons. I have started taking a summer study break each year, and I’m convinced it has improved my teaching. Only when I’m away from the crush of the daily routines can I see patterns of strengths or neglected areas. Suddenly I notice topics or themes that have gotten lots of attention and others that have been overlooked.

But when a year’s worth of preaching is at stake, I don’t want to wait until it’s over to listen to people in the congregation. After 100 messages, evaluation comes almost too late. What I need more is to hear people’s interests and concerns before I start the year.

As a result, I have developed a three-step approach to planning a coming year’s sermons, and I get input from people at every step.

In April, I select eight or nine people from the congregation. I choose people who are members of our main target audience (suburban business people who wouldn’t feel comfortable in many traditional church settings). Sometimes I’ll add someone who is highly creative, or who represents a large segment of the congregation in terms of his or her age, career, family situation, or whatever. I give these people an assignment: “Circulate in your social circles and find out on what issues people would like clear teaching from the Word of God. Then, based on that, put together what you feel would be an ideal sermon series addressing those needs. Come up with a series title, how you would break down the topic, and what your emphasis would be. You can work with anybody you want, and you have thirty days to do it.”

People think, Hey, this might change what I have to listen to! and they get motivated. They talk to their friends and people they work with. Some of them invite groups of people to their homes for input.

Then this group and I go away together for two and a half days. We meet from 8 a.m. till midnight, with a few hours off to eat and let the jets cool. The main thing I do is listen and take notes. I ask the first person, “Read me one of your series titles and the sermon titles that would be a part of that,” and we discuss it. Usually one idea will trip another idea, and we’ll end up with thirty or forty viable sermon series.

For example, I just finished a series entitled “Seasons of a Spiritual Life” that included four messages: “The Season of Spiritual Seeking,” “The Season of Spiritual Infancy,” “The Season of Spiritual Adolescence,” and “The Season of Spiritual Adulthood.” That title and breakdown of messages came straight from this group.

This spring I’ll be preaching a series about Jesus entitled “Someone You Should Know.” What a great title! Later I’ll work on still another idea from this group: “Families in the Fast Lane.”

During the month following this meeting, I go over all the ideas the group came up with. I rule out any topics I just covered in the past few months, as well as any that are extraneous to the scope of Willow Creek’s ministry. From the remaining proposed sermon series, I choose twenty I feel I could really work with or that stimulate some interest in me.

Then I convene a second group made up of elders and senior staff members. We go away for three days and make the final selections for the coming year-which of the twenty contenders we will preach, and in what order.

It’s amazing to me the wealth of wisdom that comes out of a plurality of godly people who look at life differently than I do. Last year, in the first planning session, someone had proposed a series of sermons on fear: a message on the fear of failure, another on the fear of living alone, another on the fear of dying, and so on. When the person proposed it, I thought, That series will never make it. Those fears were simply not things that kept me awake at night. But I did leave it in as one of the twenty contenders for the second planning group to consider. When the elders and senior staff began to discuss it, I told them frankly I just couldn’t see it working. But these highly discerning people looked at me and said, “Bill, just because you don’t wrestle with these fears doesn’t mean other people don’t. People have these fears-normal people. Take our word for it that this subject is pleading to be spoken to.”

So I agreed to preach the series, even though it wasn’t one I would have chosen. But as they suspected, it was tremendously beneficial for our church. In fact, “The Fear of Dying” was one of the most highly requested tapes in recent years!

How Well We Meet Our Overall Goal

So far I haven’t mentioned the usual barometers we use to measure our preaching: informal comments from people after services, letters they send, the number of tapes ordered, or comments from our spouse at home. Not that I don’t think these measures are important. The problem is that I (and other preachers, I suspect) tend to put too much importance on them. And if we’re not careful, that can lead to a subtle imbalance in our preaching.

It happened to me. Here’s how.

Over the last thirteen years, the period in which Willow Creek has developed, society has fragmented at a frightening pace. When we started the church, maybe 5 percent of our congregation was made up of people who were so badly wounded they were dysfunctional. They grew up in homes with alcoholics, or were sexually abused or verbally abused, or were abandoned, divorced, or victimized in one form or another. Now, as a result of trends in society, that percentage has grown to probably 15 percent.

During this time, I have been careful to use the normal ways of listening to people and getting feedback about my preaching. I have a commitment to stay after a service as long as anybody wants to talk. After a typical service, I’ll have serious conversations with probably thirty people. In addition, people write to me; I’m contacted by between 100 and 150 people a week.

But what I have not been sharp enough to pick upon, until recently, is that this sample of conversations and letters doesn’t reflect the total congregation. It’s skewed. Why? Because the people who will take the time to stay after a service in order to talk, or who will take the time to write a letter, are from the segment of the congregation that tends to be dysfunctional. They are so wounded that they write impassioned letters, and they are so hurting they are willing to stand for forty-five minutes in order to talk to me.

What I didn’t notice, because it happened so subtly over time, was that I was not being contacted by the 85 percent of the congregation who are fairly functional, normal people who want to get on with their lives and grow. The preponderance of my interaction was with the 15 percent: wounded, needy people who were screaming out for me to be helpful. They did not want me to talk about picking up a cross and carrying it to serve Jesus Christ. They did not want me to talk about denying themselves. They did not want me to talk about making a difference with their lives. They wanted to be helped and loved and encouraged and nurtured.

So when I would give a message on “God will be with you even in your pain,” or something like that, all the normal indicators of preaching effectiveness would go sky-high. Letters and phone calls would start coming that said, “Thank you for that tremendously helpful message.” People would stand in long lines to tell me that message was just what they needed. I looked at all that and thought, If I really love the flock, if I’m here to serve the flock, that’s the kind of preaching I’m going to do.

Then I went on my summer study break. As I evaluated the past five years of sermons, I began noticing subtle shifts. Five years ago, I realized, 70 percent of my messages were what I would call firm discipleship or gospel-oriented messages. Only 30 percent were more general, helpful messages. But over the years, those numbers have almost flipped. I was floored.

I reread Loving God, and when I finished, it dawned on me, Chuck Colson thinks we ought to be producing fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ in our churches. All I’m trying to do is patch up people’s lives. All I’m trying to do is lift burdens off sagging shoulders.

I began to ask myself, What about the 85 percent? Who is challenging these people to full discipleship? And who is asking these people to become kingdom men and women? Who’s asking these people to lay down their lives for the cause of Christ? I’m not. And I’m the only preacher they have.

I could say very honestly I had not done anything consciously to preach a cheap gospel. I was trying to proclaim a compassionate gospel. Let any sensitive pastor talk with 125 people a week, the preponderance of whom are wounded, victimized, and crying out for help, and it takes a toll. You begin to think, How can I add the burden of kingdom responsibility onto the shoulders of people who are bent over already? I don’t have the heart for it. My authentic motivation for that subtle shift was to be more responsive to a broken people. But as I spent days earnestly seeking the mind of God, it became clear to me that even though the motivation for the subtle shift was admirable, continuing down that path would be disaster.

When all this crashed in on me, it was both exhilarating and devastating. For weeks, I wrestled with what had happened. I came back and talked to the elders about it, and the minute I alerted them to this, everybody could see it. They said, “We knew something was happening, too.” But no one had the luxury that I had of spending several weeks trying to hear what God was saying. The elders are godly people; I only had to mention the change in a cursory fashion and they said, “That’s it. It’s got to change.”

Our solution has been to offer regular seminar and workshop teaching and therapy on all of these areas of victimization and pain. We are able to say to the 15 percent, “There is a place for you; there’s hope for you; there’s a context for you to receive the nurturing and expertise that are going to really solve your problem.” But it’s primarily in our counseling center, not in our Sunday service. And that makes sense. Allan McKechnie, the head of our counseling center, has pointed out to me that lasting change rarely comes out of large-group therapy, which is what I was attempting. It comes in the context of small groups or one-on-one discussions.

That frees me to be able to do the kind of teaching that exhilarates me and fulfills me and that is a true representation of who God made me to be. It’s with the 85 percent.

Take, for example, a recent Wednesday night message. A theme of this whole ministry, coming out of Luke 15, is “You Matter to God.” During that recent message, the first or second after my study break, I said, “We talk a lot around here about the fact that you matter to God. That’s right, and that’s true. But let me ask you this: Does God matter to you?”

It’s interesting what has happened as a result of our sharpened focus. I used to drive home on a Sunday feeling as though I had been run over by a truck. I would talk after the service with dozens of people who were struggling to make it through another day, and I would feel totally defeated. I would come in the house, and Lynne would say, “That was a great message this morning.” And I’d say, “What message? I don’t even remember preaching.”

But since this whole understanding has come, I talk to just as many people, but because of the subject matter I’m preaching these days, the conversations invigorate me. People are wrestling with what it means to be a man or woman of God. Even the wounded people see their need in a spiritual way. I’m not doing therapy; I’m doing discipleship. And that kind of talking doesn’t exhaust me; it infuses me with energy.

From this experience, I have learned some important lessons. First, for my preaching to be effective, it’s imperative I know-and stay riveted to-the overall goal of my ministry. At Willow Creek, we ask ourselves, “What do we want the end product to be? There’s this enormous machinery-buildings and staff. But after the people finally come through our ministry, what are they supposed to look like?”

We have answered that, “We want to develop fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ. They should think Christianly, act Christianly, relate Christianly.”

I know I haven’t drawn that target on the wall often enough. Too often I’ve been caught preaching as if the goal of my ministry were to help people lead happy, well-adjusted lives and be more helpful to each other. Baloney! We have to shoot much higher than that. I want to preach in such a way that I help produce people who can rise above petty scrapes and get on with following Jesus Christ.

Second, I rigorously and regularly have to measure my preaching against this bull’s-eye. Are the messages I’m preaching contributing to that? Are they really leading people to become more devoted to Christ? It’s so easy to drift, incrementally and unconsciously, from that goal. But when that happens, my preaching, no matter how clever or prayed over or prepared, is undermined.

Why Fool with Evaluation?

Sometimes I’m tempted to think, It really would be so much nicer if I didn’t have the elders reproving me every time I slip up, and if I could just preach the way I want to preach and forget about anybody’s evaluation.

But then I realize why I have to take evaluation seriously. It’s because I preach, as every pastor does, before a righteous and holy God, and I know he evaluates my work. Every time I take out a new pad and write a new sermon title with a passage under it, I pray, “Lord, I would like this to be an unblemished lamb, a worship sacrifice that you would really be proud of. I’m not going to be happy, and you’re not going to be happy, with a sick, dying, blind, diseased, ravaged lamb. I will not offer it; you will not receive it.” So to me it’s a holy thing to start a new message. If God has given you speaking gifts and called you into the ministry, he expects unblemished lambs.

But that’s also a good, freeing realization for me. I give a lot of messages that I don’t think meet the standard I would have liked. But then I can go back and say, Did I really do my preparation effectively? Did I pray on my knees as I should have? Was it biblical? Did the elders say that it was approved? If I can say yes to those questions, then I’m done with the message, and I can walk away from it, no matter what anyone thinks. If those who came through the line said they didn’t appreciate it, and if I got ripped apart by an extremist on either side of the message, it doesn’t affect me. I did the best I knew how in trying to offer an unblemished lamb. That’s the extent of my responsibility.

The rest is God’s. I never have the final word on any passage or on any topic. When I get to the end of myself, that’s where the real message starts. My prayer, when I’m driving home from church, is “Now, Holy Spirit, that I’m done and out of the way, do your real work. I tried to give you enough truth and opportunity to work with. But the result in these people’s lives is up to you.”

Leadership Winter 1989 p. 88-94

Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.

Pastors

Preaching Through Personal Pain

What can you say when the tragedy is yours?

“Two days ago my daughter Laura died.”

So opened the most difficult sermon I have ever had to preach. In that message, titled “God on the Witness Stand,” I put myself in the place of Job, who, when assaulted by horrible personal tragedy, declared, “But I would speak to the Almighty, and I desire to argue my case with God.”

That morning I preached a dialogue between myself as the prosecutor and God as the defendant. For nine months I had helplessly watched my 3-year-old lose her physical and mental abilities to a malignant brain tumor, and I had a strong case against God.

Friends questioned the wisdom of my decision to preach so soon after my daughter’s death. Could I withstand it? Could the congregation handle the emotional impact?

But if I did not use my personal life as the basis for preaching during this time of crisis, would I have either an audience or a message for someone else’s time of pain?

Exegeting Our Experience

Those who caution against becoming too personal in preaching raise necessary questions. Does a preacher have the right to carry his or her own confusion and pain into the pulpit? Doesn’t such transparency focus more upon the preacher than the Lord? Does not personal exposure in preaching turn the pulpit into a soap opera and denigrate the ministry of proclamation into self-aggrandizement?

Certainly discretion must be employed in what the preacher says about personal matters from the pulpit. However, in response to these cautions, a counter question must be asked: Shouldn’t a human preacher be human in preaching?

That sermon preached two days after my daughter’s death was one of many messages composed at my daughter’s bedside in the hospital and her deathbed in our home. Those sermons constituted a collection of feelings and convictions as intimate as private prayers. I must confess that little biblical exegesis went into them. My own life became my primary source. My prayers and reflections became my commentaries.

As I preached in the midst of my pain, I was unaware of particular features of my sermons that later proved healing and directive for my congregation. Looking back, however, I can identify four characteristics of preaching that should be present whenever I attempt to preach through pain.

Vulnerability: Admitting the Pain

Vulnerability heads the list. While this has become an overworked word in the jargon of pastoral ministry, it has no suitable substitute.

Openly expressing sorrow in the pulpit does not constitute professional sin for preachers. On several occasions, I couldn’t keep back the tears. Controlling my pained emotions proved no problem when I stared at myself in the mirror. But somehow my control dissipated as I stood in the pulpit looking out at faces visibly suffering with me. It was painful for my congregation to see me cry, yet it was tremendously healing for them and for me. One member whose earlier years had been clouded by drug abuse confided in me, “Your tears helped free me to face some painful things in my life that I’ve tried to hide behind a fake wall of strength.”

The greatest resource in preaching through my own pain was the Old Testament Prophets and Wisdom Literature. I mined those writings thoroughly, for I found therein faith’s best reflections upon the injustices of life, placed beside the reality of God and the futility of attempting to categorize and control him.

Arthur Gossip, a Scottish preacher from the early 1900s, lost his wife suddenly. Upon his return to the pulpit following her death, he preached “When Life Tumbles In, What Then?” In that message, Gossip announced that he did not understand this life of ours. But still less could he understand how people facing loss could abandon the Christian faith. “Abandon it for what!” he exclaimed. Speaking from the darkest storm of his life, he concluded, “You people in the sunshine may believe the faith, but we in the shadow must believe it. We have nothing else.”

Honesty: Equal Access for Anger

A second necessary characteristic of preaching in the midst of personal pain is honesty. Honesty holds vulnerability accountable, adding the following caution: We must not talk about our struggles from the pulpit unless the thoughts and feelings expressed truly belong to us. If hope and strength characterize our emotions, let that be known. However, if hope and strength have abandoned us, then in the pulpit we must not pretend to possess them. People will see through our veneer and therefore doubt our integrity.

As grief must be given access to the pulpit, so also must anger and doubt. Here I balked. I had often used the sovereignty of God as an excuse for allowing life’s loose ends to remain untied. Now, when I spoke of hope, I found I was ignoring my own strongly felt doubts. Unwilling to face honestly my inner anger toward God, I bailed out when opportunities arose to address my indignation in the pulpit.

In the year following my daughter’s death, I put together a book that was my “pulpit journal” during those nine months surrounding my family’s travail. A counselor friend offered this comment after reading it: “While I appreciated the insights you shared, I think you let God off the witness stand too soon. Your anger was not allowed to present fully its case against God.”

In retrospect, I believe I was too polite with God. I’ve become convinced of two things in this regard. First, God can handle anger, even a preacher’s. Second, a congregation needs to hear how the preacher deals with those angry feelings we all have toward God in times of tragedy. When crisis strikes, anger toward God is one of the truly honest emotions we feel. Describing how we as pastors feel in such situations validates the emotion for others and also provides a model of how to deal with it.

Though the expression of my anger was masked in my preaching, a few people discerned it. They told me that the inflamed questions I fired at God in the sermon immediately following Laura’s death provided them some emotional liberation.

One mother, who read that sermon nearly two years after I preached it, wrote expressing her gratitude. She said I had given her an invitation to face the anger she still carried over the loss of her son three years earlier. The gist of her discovery was that if a minister could get mad at God, it must be all right for her to do the same. That helped her begin to work through her anger.

Hope: Looking at the Moment and Beyond

A third element in preaching through personal pain is hope. Hope stands as the supreme gift a preacher can offer a congregation while speaking from the shadowy valleys. In its simplest form, God’s redemptive hope means that good can come out of bad.

In another sermon following my daughter’s death, I looked at the lives of Joseph and Paul. Joseph told his brothers, “What you meant for evil. God meant for good.” Despite the pain of his thorn in the flesh, Paul heard God say, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

At Laura’s birth I witnessed the serenity of her being placed in her mother’s warm arms. At her burial I witnessed the severity of her being placed in the cold arms of the grave. In reflecting on my experience and that of Joseph and Paul, I concluded a message about holding onto hope by saying, “Our faith is built upon a severe mercy-an innocent man being executed on a cross. What person, at the time, thought the death of Jesus was anything but a senseless and severe tragedy? Who now would see it as anything but the mercy of God at work on our behalf? When so many strugglers would seek God’s mercy only to deliver them from the severe events, we would do well to seek God’s mercy to teach us through the severe events. These latter works of God, the severe mercies, become the lasting ones.”

Near the time of Laura’s death, a friend showed me some verse from Emily Dickinson that helped me and my congregation look at the moment and beyond:

I shall know why-when Time is over-

And I have ceased to wonder why-

Christ will explain each separate anguish

In the fair schoolroom of the sky.

Patience: The Grace of Unanswered Questions

The fourth trait needed is patience. Impatience enticed me to seek a quick and easy explanation for the suffering that befell my family. My greatest temptation in the pulpit is to view my call to preach as a command to offer definitive explanations. I feel far more comfortable concluding a sermon with an inspired call to arms than with an unanswered and perhaps unanswerable question. Personal tragedy has taught me the answer to human suffering is not to be found immediately-if it is to be found at all.

When a parent is confronted with the diagnosis of cancer in his child, the inevitable question “Why?” demands a hearing. How could I reconcile my 3-year-old’s cancer with an all-powerful, all-loving God who, I believed, ruled this world? In one sermon I addressed the why of evil and the goodness of God by setting forth the classic and contemporary attempts to resolve the conflict. People of faith who encounter a tragic injustice gravitate to one of the following options:

dualism, with its universe governed by co-equal good gods and bad gods;

demotion, in which only one God exists but is seen as limited, mighty but not almighty, and doing the best he can in the face of evil;

denial, as in religions like Christian Science that deny the harsh realities of illness, death, and evil;

despair, which gives up on God when he fails to live up to naive and magical expectations of him; or

self-damnation, with its guilt-laden question, “Is God punishing me?”

A final option exists, however, which I believe is the only choice consistent with revelation and reality. The simultaneous existence of God and evil is an unsolvable dilemma. Job, Habakkuk, and countless others immersed in personal pain and confusion have attempted to use theology to control the situation, but in the end, our human explanations all come up empty-handed. However, there is a grace in the unanswerable why, for it leads us to the very heart of faith, which is patient trust in God.

I recall a conversation I had with a man several weeks after the sermon in which I “prosecuted” God. This was a compassionate person whose heart had been deeply pierced by Laura’s death, and he also wanted answers to the why of her suffering. He reviewed a portion of that sermon in which I accused God of willfully refusing to heal my daughter. Then he confessed, “I have struggled with faith all my life. My conflict with God intensified with Laura’s illness. But now I keep thinking back on what you said about us wanting God’s absolute control and life’s absolute freedom. I never thought of it that way before. We want two things from God that by their nature cannot exist together. I’m beginning to see that to have faith does not mean to have all the answers. Faith is holding on to God in spite of the confusion.”

What greater gift can a preacher give a congregation than the picture of trust in the Lord even though grief and confusion remain?

Knowing Our Limitations-and Theirs

Having explained some qualities needed when preaching through pain, I must offer a word of caution about when not to bring crises into the pulpit. During the three months prior to Laura’s death, as her condition rapidly deteriorated, I was unable to make reference to her from the pulpit. At other stages of her illness, tears were somewhat under my control. At this stage, however, my emotions were so strained I feared I might not be able to regain composure if tears began to flow. I knew my congregation would have welcomed my reflections on Laura’s status, but when the pain is too fresh or intense, wisdom advises avoiding references to our personal plight.

Another occasion when not to preach occurs after the crisis has passed. I failed to realize that my congregation’s grief over my daughter’s death did not linger as long as mine. Having conducted countless funerals and having been involved with the grief of many families, I was quite aware of the degrees of grief different people experience. However, when the deceased was my daughter, I somehow thought the rules would change. Surely others would have the same intensity and duration of feeling I carried! Such was not the case.

Following a sermon I preached long after my loss, one church member politely said to my wife, “I think Dan has talked about Laura from the pulpit too long after her death.”

When I first heard this, I felt the person was being unfair to my feelings. However, I now realize my prolonged airing of my grief was unfair to my congregation’s feelings. Had the Preacher in Ecclesiastes envisioned the theme of this article, he would have added this line to his description of life’s cycles: There is a time to preach through our pain, and a time to preach beyond it.

I preached in such a manner on Memorial Day weekend nearly two years after Laura’s death. Addressing the necessity of the grieving process after any major loss, I read a note I had received from a young mother. She had lost one child at birth and had a second child who had the same kind of tumor that took Laura. This mother enclosed the following prayer, which serves as a good reminder when we have to preach through our own pain: “Dear God, teach us to laugh again, but never let us forget that we have cried.”

Leadership Winter 1989 p. 35-9

Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.

Pastors

PASTOR DAVID OR PASTOR SOLOMON?

Sometimes we are called to fight worthy battles, sometimes to build God’s house.

My two pastorates differed greatly. Two Sunday afternoons, less than three years apart, typify the contrasts.

The first afternoon began with an awkward lunch. The atmosphere reminded me of the meal following a funeral-people smile and comment on the food, but inwardly their hearts are broken. I knew mine was.

Joining us at the table was our district superintendent and an elder from a sister church in town. They had come at the request of our elder board to spend the afternoon listening privately to the complaints and accusations of individuals in our congregation.

What had begun sixteen months earlier as minor skirmishes was now full-blown conflict with several individuals. The surface tension was over issues as petty as my decision to rearrange the office furniture. We also struggled with an undercurrent of controversy over the practice of certain spiritual gifts. But as I saw it, the real conflict was the issue of control-a small group in the church had served notice that they were in charge, not the board or the pastor.

I hoped that with the help of these experienced men from outside, we could confront the issues directly and resolve the conflict. But despite the encouraging words from the D.S., a long-time friend, I knew the truth: regardless of who emerged victorious from the confrontation, the long conflict had taken its toll. There had been too many hurts, too many rumors, too many innuendoes and feelings of mistrust.

As in most church battles, the combatants were relatively few in number. I was reminded of a tactical lesson from military history: guerrilla forces need be only one-tenth the size of a conventional army to keep it hopelessly enmeshed in a no-win situation.

My wife and I were exhausted from the hit-and-run warfare. We had nothing left to give. As I sat at the lunch table, waiting for the day’s uncertain events to unfold, I recalled another, much different, Sunday afternoon.

This other afternoon was farewell day at my previous pastorate. We were finishing five years of difficult but fulfilling ministry in the inner city. A group of people who once had been ready to disband and give their building to a parachurch organization were now alive and aggressive in their purpose and mission.

The church had grown. It was feeding local street people and attracting Native Americans to worship services. It distributed hundreds of pounds of clothes to the destitute. At times, so much food was donated from supporting churches to be given to the poor that we had to stack it in the front pews of the sanctuary. The shewbread was once again in the temple feeding the hungry.

My wife and I were overwhelmed with the love we received in that small, urban church. One cold, winter day, a 94-year-old woman from the congregation walked to our home with her Norwegian stew because she’d heard I was ill.

The Sunday afternoon we left, I held back tears as the church chairman and his wife cried while saying good-by. It had been a sweet experience, working together to build God’s house in that place.

Two Different Roles

As I look back over these experiences, a metaphor from the Old Testament helps me make sense of the two polar-opposite pastorates: the life and destiny of David compared with that of his son Solomon.

David dreamed of building a temple for the Lord in Jerusalem. But he was prevented from doing so. God explained that it was not for him to be the architect and builder. David had been a warrior; he had shed too much blood. It would be his son Solomon who would construct the sanctuary and witness the glory of the Lord descending upon it.

Solomon reigned during a time of nearly unbroken peace in the land. He watched as his land blossomed with prosperity undreamed of by his ancestors. He watched as the temple grew and took form, and led in the exhilarating experience of dedicating the building as God himself appeared in a theophany to enter the Holy of Holies. His string of successes were untarnished for years on end.

Reflecting on my experiences and those of other pastors, I’ve noticed that each of us may find ourselves following the path of a David or a Solomon or both during our ministries. That is, we may play the role of a warrior in one setting and that of a temple builder in another. Perhaps both are in the will of God. Certainly both have inherent in them certain advantages and risks.

What Happens to a David

Some pastors find themselves, however reluctantly, in the role of a David; they’re perceived as warriors who challenge well-established and powerful forces. Such an individual endures conflict and confrontation in order to address moral and spiritual issues vital to the well-being of the body, hoping to clear the way for the church’s future growth and ministry.

Few if any Davids remain in such a setting long enough to witness the joy of completing the temple. The cost of battle often is so high that they become casualties themselves, even if their cause prevails.

These are not contentious, controlling personalities who thrive on conflict and see their lives as a martyr’s lot. Such are not the traits of a David. A true David finds such conflict in the church sad, painful, and regrettable, but at times necessary.

What happens to a David? Let me suggest some advantages, dubious as they might seem at first, that result from serving as a David.

You lay the groundwork for future church growth and spiritual prosperity. The maxim of church history is that the blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church. In less dramatic terms, that means the sacrifice and pain borne in guiding a church to spiritual health will someday be evident.

I once asked a friend why he was leaving a Christian organization. His reply: “Once you tell the truth, it’s often impossible to stay.” To a certain extent that can be true in a pastorate.

I recall a situation that existed in a women’s Bible study early in my ministry. Under the guise of prayer requests, some women were telling stories about the failings of their husbands (or husbands of their friends) that were potentially embarrassing, if not damaging. Though several women felt uncomfortable as a result and vowed never to return to such a study, the practice went on.

When I asked some of the leaders to exercise more discretion, they felt I was intruding on “their ministry.” It proved for me an unpardonable sin. From that day on, I was in trouble with them.

Yet, the conflict that ensued eventually led to new leadership that improved the group’s atmosphere and even opened the way for new women, particularly non-Christians, to be welcome in the group.

You learn that God is more concerned with what happens in you rather than to you. In short, you attend the graduate school of character. As Chuck Swindoll says of suffering, “The tuition is free. It only costs you your life.”

As I became more bewildered over why I was in such hard circumstances, I began to believe God was in all this in some way I couldn’t fully understand.

Interestingly, the Psalms became more practical and essential to my life than ever before. And I learned to some extent what David learned: God is in control, regardless of what people may do. I came not to loathe criticism, but to see it as an opportunity for God to examine my life and test my character: Was I able to respond gently, in an honorable way?

Though it pained me, I sensed a foundation being laid in my life of faith as I looked at what needed changing.

You develop close and meaningful relationships with key church leaders. There is rarely racism in foxholes. Likewise, the barrier between pastor and laity diminishes as you weather intense storms together. I came to love as brothers those who stood with me on the elder board. At great personal cost, they took action to discipline certain members of the congregation. Having been through some difficult hours together, we were friends who had become not a group but a caring team.

Such commitment is not found among “sunshine soldiers,” as Thomas Payne called them. Neither is such deep camaraderie.

But besides the advantages, there are also some definite risks to serving as a David.

You are misunderstood by those who have an inadequate theology of conflict. Basically these are the people who see all conflict as sin. Their conclusion: you must be in sin (or at least an incompetent pastor) for there to be this trouble. In their minds, the only spiritual church is one that’s free of conflict. While a conflict-free environment is everyone’s goal, it is often only arrived at by working through significant and difficult issues.

One individual in the heat of the moment in a congregational meeting pointed at me and said, “The trouble started with you!” While that may or may not have been true, it didn’t mean the trouble was unnecessary or unredemptive. I thought about the history of the patriarchs, the prophets, and Jesus, and the conflict characterizing their ministries. As they challenged wrongful behavior or attitudes, they were perceived as the real problem instead. Some were sawn in two. There were times when I had a good idea how that must feel.

Once you’re cast as a warrior, it’s almost impossible to change people’s perception. It seems like a version of the Leonard Nimoy Syndrome. Nimoy, as you recall, is the actor who played Mr. Spock in the television series “Star Trek.” His distinctive character became so well-known that no matter what other roles Nimoy played in later years, no one could forget he was really Mr. Spock.

Once a pastor is identified as a warrior, that reputation is extremely hard to shake. During the conflict, I spent hours with individuals in counseling or in visitation after a death in the family or in personal ministry. I worked to keep a balanced pastoral stance. Yet, to those who wanted to believe it, I was simply a tough guy, the one who “can’t get along with so-and-so.”

A few of my critics were so outspoken in this regard that one Sunday morning I met a real estate company president who was visiting our church. Thanking me for the morning message, he confessed he had come just to meet the man about whom his employees could say nothing nice. They were so one-sided, he had to find out for himself.

After prolonged conflict, you tend to lose perspective on people and issues. While you try to focus on issues and not personalities, the longer the battle, the more they change places.

I once read that after decades of bloody feuding, the Hatfields and the McCoys couldn’t remember what the initial argument was about. But it didn’t matter any longer. The real issue was whether you were a Hatfield or a McCoy. So it goes in churches. A warrior can easily forget he is battling issues and not people.

In such moments the words of Jesus to love your enemy and to be kind to those who spitefully abuse you take on new significance. I knew I was making progress when I honestly could tell the husband of a woman who had caused me great suffering that I loved both of them. I knew I meant it, and it gave me the freedom to go on.

But many are the temptations to cover your buried anger with more acceptable rationalizations, such as righteous indignation.

What Happens to a Solomon

Now let’s consider what’s involved in being a Solomon. Obviously, there are some advantages.

You receive great affirmation and support from the congregation during your tenure. Unlike a David, often controversial and misunderstood, a Solomon is liked by nearly everyone. After all, the visible signs of growth and prosperity are evident, and it’s easy to attribute at least some of that success to the pastor.

You don’t leave such a church with many enemies, and even those who disagreed with you begrudgingly admit you helped the church. Given a little time, your accomplishments tend to grow in the retelling.

I’ve never enjoyed a larger-than-life reputation, but I did find people remembered fewer of my mistakes and more of my successes in that small urban church. During the height of the crisis in our second church, I took a summer vacation that included a stop at my previous parish. After my brief one-minute update on my family and thank-you for their ministry to us while we were there, the audience broke into spontaneous applause. I was stunned. Such affirmation seemed almost schizophrenic, given my current dilemma at the time, but it was deeply appreciated.

You observe the glory of God descend upon your church. One of the great rewards of life in ministry is to see the hand of God touch your efforts. Quite apart from your own merit, God chooses to do something beautiful if not miraculous in your church. Solomon’s life wasn’t the reason the glory of God descended on the temple at the day of dedication, yet he was privileged to observe it and participate in that supernatural event as worship leader.

In a similar way, I witnessed God at work in our little church. The first night we ever opened our church to the community was Thanksgiving. I’d been there about three months, and though we had only seventy-five regular attenders, we ran an ad in the large city newspaper inviting anyone who wished to come for a free turkey dinner. The board members were nervous: What if we have problems? What if no one comes? What if everyone comes?

That night as we opened up at sunset, I watched a stream of humanity pass through our doors and down to the basement-white, black, Hispanic, and Native American. Several of our ushers stood grimly with their arms crossed, ready for trouble. By the end of the evening, the spirit of joy and celebration was so evident from feeding 250 men, women, and children from the community that our 63-year-old church chairman was seen skipping across the empty room.

While I didn’t see the glory of God descend just as Solomon had, I knew I was in the presence of the Almighty that evening. It was the beginning of good things to come.

Your church is attractive to visitors as they sense the unity that prevails. I believe the atmosphere of a church can be read by visitors within five minutes of arriving. Warmth, acceptance, and joy seem to exude even from the narthex of some buildings. On other occasions as a visitor, I’ve entered churches to a stale, deathlike pall that seems to linger in the air. Tension, routine, and isolation seem the order of the day.

I’ve also noticed that churches that can state their reason for existence in one sentence or less are the ones that are growing and unified. In our urban church we knew what we were about: we were there to offer food, clothing, friendship, and the gospel. People seemed to enjoy knowing where we were going, and they seemed to experience a certain security in that knowledge. That atmosphere was picked up by visitors.

With all these heady benefits, it’s easy to become oblivious to the disadvantages and risks of being a Solomon. But, as many of us have learned, success can be far more treacherous to our spiritual well-being than failure. Consider some of the following not-so-obvious pitfalls of leading a united and prosperous parish.

You’re tempted to believe your leadership alone is responsible for the great things that happen. Watching programs expand and your budget rise is fun. It’s also dangerous, particularly if, like me, you’re young and in your first pastorate.

It takes a more seasoned and less presumptuous pastor to realize that if you’re experiencing a time of relative peace and prosperity, others probably have paid an anonymous but enormous price to help pull that off. Somewhere on your property there ought to be a monument to the Unknown Pastor, that brave and selfless soul who gave some of his best years to lay the groundwork for the good things now happening.

The notion that the church’s growth was triggered by our arrival is as deceptive as the lie that says all the trouble began when we arrived. Let’s be honest; we inherit more than we create as pastors, whether for good or ill.

Looking back at my inner-city experience, I can think of a long line of pastors who invested their lives in that place, and the one who served immediately before me perhaps deserves more praise than all the rest. He stayed only two years. But in that time he argued that “business as usual” was no longer possible. By the time I came, the people were ready to listen. I owe that young pastor and his wife credit for most of our subsequent success, though few would know it.

You are tempted to embrace a neo-prosperity theology. In short, you’re led to believe that God’s will for every pastor is to experience unbroken success and growth. To paraphrase Garrison Keillor, “All the programs are good looking, and all the attendance figures above average.” How wrong. Perhaps even diabolical.

The Book of Hebrews tells us God used many individuals in the past to accomplish feats of wonder. They conquered kingdoms, administered justice, gave the dead back to the living. Yet, that is not where that chapter ends. It ends by talking about a second group, a group too good for this world. They were persecuted. They went about in animal skins. They even lived in holes in the ground. But from God’s perspective, they are even greater heroes than the first group.

How many of us think the true heroes of the church are the men and women who remain faithful while struggling in some lonely and forgotten setting with carnal and angry critics constantly sniping at them? How can such sorrow and hurt be part of God’s will? Doesn’t he want all of us to live on an ecclesiastical roll? We’d all answer no, but at times, especially when the church was doing well, I tended to forget that.

During my second pastorate, it hurt to go to denominational get-togethers where others could boast of building programs and staff additions, while I thought of people abandoning our church because of the conflict. I realized how smug I must have appeared the years the figures were in my favor, and how it hurt other pastors to be asked by their parishioners why they weren’t doing things like we were. I wonder if I don’t owe some of them an apology.

Finally, you are tempted to become shallow, unable to identify with others in pain. According to the Arab proverb, “All sunshine makes a desert.” That is also true in living the life of a Solomon. It’s easy to become, little by little, a one-dimensional person, less and less sensitive to people in pain.

In the midst of my better times, I enjoyed being around people I considered winners. I had little time for someone who seemed headed nowhere. If colleagues were in trouble, it was their fault, or so I reckoned.

Granted, my success was limited, but at the time it appeared significant to me and to those struggling to hang on. And as they reached out, I didn’t listen. I’m afraid I walked past many a wounded pastor on the road to Jericho.

When the tables were turned, I saw how shallow I’d become. I gained a moment of self-awareness when I was sharing my hurts with a fellow pastor. He listened with something of an obligatory attitude and then replied, “You know, I’ve never experienced anything like that. Everywhere I’ve gone I’ve had a wonderful experience. I can’t remember anyone leaving my churches in anger.”

At first I felt hurt, then anger, and finally pity. He couldn’t help me at that moment because he was handicapped. His own relative ease had disabled him. From that time onward I no longer cursed my problems but began to ask what God wanted to do in my life through my pain. If possible, I wanted him to use me and what I had experienced.

Farewell to Arms

The day we drove away from our second church, a difficult but precious chapter in our lives came to a close. So many people had been so kind to us. For example, during the worst of the controversy and while my wife was quite ill expecting our last child, women came on a daily basis and cooked, did housework, and encouraged her. We couldn’t have made it without them.

In the face of such love and support, it was difficult to leave. When we submitted our resignation, the congregation voted overwhelmingly to reject it. We were deeply touched by their confidence in us. They insisted instead that we take a leave of absence to reconsider our decision, which coincided with the birth of our child.

During this leave, the board dealt aggressively with the remaining church problems. It was soon evident that the conflict had ceased. A David was no longer needed. Ironic as it may sound, the fact that the church’s problems had subsided gave us the reassurance that we could leave. It was for someone else to build the temple.

Ecclesiastes teaches that there are seasons to God’s will as it relates to the events of our lives. Our season of service was ending, not with bitterness or rancor, but with the joy that comes from having completed a task. I was genuinely grateful for the experience, and I continue to hear good things about the church’s concern for the unchurched and desire for service.

Years earlier when we left our first church-more as a Solomon than a David-we clung to our friends as we said good-by. Little did we know the temple doors were closing behind us and the time of relative peace in our lives was ending.

So which experience do I value more, that of being a temple builder or a warrior? My answer might surprise you.

Sigmund Freud once said something to the effect that someday, given enough time, those life experiences that have been the most difficult will become to us the most precious of all. He was unwittingly borrowing truth from the Psalmist, who said God makes everything beautiful in his time.

I would gladly serve a thousand churches like the first, but I wouldn’t trade all of them for my years in the church that struggled so deeply.

Should a pastor be a warrior or a temple builder?

Probably both.

Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.

Pastors

WHEN A CHILD DIES

Ministering to grieving family and friends presents special needs and unique opportunities.

I was pushing my two elementary-school-aged boys through their bedtime routine. “Hurry up! Shar is coming over to discuss a retreat we need to plan. There won’t be time for a story tonight, but let’s say prayers together and do back rubs.”

Then the phone rang-and changed not only the course of the evening but the events of several weeks to follow.

“Cinda, this is Dr. Steele. I’m in the emergency room at Grossmont Hospital with Keith and Judy Meeker. Their son, Jarrett, hanged himself on a back-yard rope swing this afternoon. He’s been pronounced dead. They asked that you or your husband be here.”

My husband, Steve, another pastor at our church, had already left for an evening meeting. I was searching my memory for a picture of the Meeker family. I came up blank. Then I remembered that last weekend Jarrett and his dad had been with the males in my family on a fishing trip with the boys’ choir.

After clarifying where to meet the parents, I told the doctor I would be there as soon as I could find care for my boys. I shared the news with my children as gently as possible and greeted my friend Shar as the “angel” God had provided to care for them that evening.

At the hospital, I got the story: Jarrett had come home from choir practice and was playing in the back yard while his sister napped. His mom had asked him to stop throwing rocks, and he began to swing on a nylon rope suspended from a eucalyptus tree. The rope was knotted at the bottom for a foothold, but a section above the knot was unwoven and created a loop. Judy went into the house to answer the phone and then returned outside to continue her yardwork. It was then that she felt the silence.

Jarrett’s lifeless body was hanging from the loop in the rope. She pulled him out, ran into the house, and phoned for help. She continued her efforts to revive him, carrying her son to the front yard so the paramedics could quickly find them. But it was too late. Despite lengthy procedures in the ambulance and at the trauma ward, there was nothing to be done.

Jarrett’s death was accidental, though no one knew exactly how his slender body had slipped through the rope swing.

Much has been written about helping people through the loss of an infant, but little about the loss of an older child. This raises unique dynamics and requires careful responses, as I learned by experience in those next few turbulent days. Here are the lessons I learned along the way.

Helping the Parents

The first task is ministering to the parents. This means several things.

Encouraging them to talk about the child. The hospital’s “scream room” or “cry room” was ours alone that night. The stunned parents sat together on a couch, their 8-year-old son’s body on a gurney in another room. We talked about the recent fishing trip, about Jarrett’s gregarious, friendly style with other children, his learning disabilities that were improving, his love for God’s creation, and his relationship with his 5-year-old sister, Jennifer.

I didn’t press for details of the accident, because I knew the deputy coroner would soon come for a complete report. I would be able to listen in on that.

Encouraging them to spend time with the body. We went into the trauma room where Jarrett’s still, blanket-covered body now lay. He looked like a sleeping child. I encouraged the parents to stroke his face and hair. Like any caring parent, his mother commented on his dirty socks.

The grandparents and an aunt and uncle arrived. Soon I was in a corner with my arms around Jarrett’s father, a usually cool lawyer who now found himself sobbing about his lost son. At this point, ministry entailed providing tissues and a shoulder to cry on, and saying quietly, “It is good to cry,” while we shed tears together.

Taking time to discuss burial arrangements. After a while, we discussed the decisions they now faced. Should Jarrett’s body be cremated or buried? This was a crucial decision, calling for mutual agreement. When they decided on burial, I encouraged them to find appropriate ways to involve their daughter in the decisions so she would not feel left out or abandoned during the next few days. They decided to include her in the trip to the cemetery to choose a plot.

Discussing memorial funds and gifts. I brought up the topic of memorial gifts during that first evening at the hospital. To some people this might have seemed premature, but it was fortunate that we talked about it that night. Media attention the next day provided a healthy opportunity for these parents to make a positive response in the midst of a tragedy.

Because we had discussed some available options, they had established a special fund by then, using the Deacon’s Fund in the church as a collection point. The donations would be used to finance a week of “zoo school” at the San Diego Zoo for needy children. They had chosen an experience Jarrett had enjoyed, and opened it up to other children.

Pastoral ministry in this crisis also included accompanying the family through the next painful stage-returning to the scene of the accident, their home.

By now my husband had arrived at the hospital to finish the evening with them. We exchanged a few words of information in the hall and went back into the conference room for prayer together. I left the Meekers after offering to return in the morning to help share the news with Jennifer, who was staying with friends that evening. They were visibly relieved and indicated this was one of the biggest and most troubling tasks on their minds.

Discussing available support groups. Later on, parents will need to know about support groups for families who have experienced the death of a child. Some in our area include Empty Cradle (for families who have lost a child under 2 years of age) and Compassionate Friends (for any parent whose child has died). In addition, local hospitals often offer seminars on grief, which could also prove helpful to families in the months following a child’s death. Groups of this type broaden the number of people with whom they can feel a kinship.

The Meekers found the support they needed within the congregation. Judy’s statement, “People in the church praying for me has been the only thing that keeps me going,” is a testament to the love and care of the whole people of God in the face of crisis.

Helping Siblings and Friends

We also have a role in helping brothers, sisters, and young friends deal with their loss.

Avoid misleading terms. I learned to be factual and honest. While in the hospital’s conference room that first terrible night, we touched on how and when to tell Jarrett’s sister and cousin. We discussed language and how using metaphors about “sleep” and “God needing Jarrett” can be destructive and frightening to children. Since children are literal thinkers, these terms could cause them to become afraid of going to sleep or resenting God for “taking” someone they love.

In the morning I notified Jarrett’s school principal. We discussed the exact details of the accident so she could share the news factually with the school counselor, teachers, and students. I suggested she avoid using the words hanging or hanged himself since my older son’s question had been, “Did he do it on purpose?”

By using “accidentally strangled,” the counselor could rule out suicide in the minds of Jarrett’s classmates. A visit to the school later in the day reassured us about the sensitivity with which the staff dealt with Jarrett’s friends. I assured the principal that the memorial service would be appropriate for children and that any parents who inquired should know their children were welcome to attend.

Choose the discussion site carefully. As promised, I called on the Meekers that first morning to be there when they told Jenny their sad news. Cradled in her parents’ laps, she alternated between tears and amazingly perceptive observations. She said, “I wish I could just wake up and this would all be a bad dream.” When we talked about it being an accident and that accidents sometimes happen even to children, she remarked, “Jarrett never got to grow old and be a grandpa.”

Again we shared tears, tissues, and prayers. While we chose Jenny’s bedroom for this conversation for the sake of privacy, I now consider that a mistake. Her subsequent unpleasant dreams about things on the walls and dressers might have been because we shared such traumatic news in a place she called her own.

Many books help explain the concept of death to children. (A section from Mister Rogers Talks with Parents by Fred Rogers, which I brought for the Meekers, proved to be very helpful.) Most agree that a 5-year-old has a limited concept of the finality of death. This was not a problem with Jenny, as evidenced in her statements about her brother. We talked about Jarrett’s body still being at the hospital, but that it would be buried in the coming days. (While not the case in this situation, some children take discussion of “bodies” to mean that the head is not included. Again, it helps to remember how literal children are in their understanding.)

Assure children that a full range of emotions is normal. It’s okay to cry-or to laugh. Children in a grieving family need to be assured that they can still express a full range of feelings even though many sad people surround them.

I told Jenny that in the next few days she would want to cry sometimes, and other times to laugh and play even when grownups were very sad. Jenny later told her mother that “Pastor Gorman said I could laugh and play or be quiet and show sadness and tears, and it was all okay.”

Include children in the funeral and memorial service. The death of a child also involves ministering to friends and their families. I found myself spending a great deal of time on the phone with other mothers who were suddenly facing the mortality of their own children.

One way of reaching out to them was scheduling a specific time to be available at the mortuary. The funeral home provided a filmstrip on questions that naturally curious children will ask, such as, “How do they dig a grave?” After viewing the filmstrip with several children, my husband and I added thoughts about what we as Christians believe about resurrection. Parents seemed relieved to have assistance explaining the difficult topic of death.

Many adults are uncomfortable with exposing their children to death except the fictional (and often violent) forms of death on TV. Our experiences of involving children in such settings, however, have been positive.

Jenny’s parents and I planned the memorial service the morning after the accident. We scheduled it for a time that could include classmates and teachers. We decided to use taped music of the boys’ choir Jarrett had been in. I would give a children’s sermon, and friends would be invited to share some good memories of Jarrett. In addition, Jarrett’s baseball team would take up a collection toward the memorial fund.

For the children’s sermon, I used toy caterpillars that unzipped into butterflies. I made up a story of two caterpillars discussing what it would be like to fly. One then spun a cocoon (a paper bag) and came out a butterfly. He couldn’t come back and tell his friend what flying was like. It was beyond any description a crawling caterpillar would understand.

“Just so,” I pointed out, “Jarrett can’t come back to tell us what it’s like where he is now. But we know it’s a wonderful, happy place.”

Keith and Judy prepared a display of Jarrett’s models and baseball cards for the reception following the memorial service. This gave them some tangible way to share their son with their friends and to remember his many interests.

Schedule follow-up time. Pastoral follow-up after the service included a stop-by visit over coffee in the back yard. The eucalyptus tree in the back yard had already been removed, and they commented on the wonderful view they didn’t know they had been missing. (Some experts would have suggested this was a premature action of denial, but it was a decision the family could make and take action on.)

When a child dies we grieve over not only the loss of that child, but also the loss of the future we had anticipated for the child. Our dreams are shattered, and the memory bank is more limited. Most of the memories center around holidays and particular sports, friends, and sites. For this reason I found it important to make follow-up contact with these parents around the holidays we associate with children-Halloween, Christmas, and Jarrett’s birthday. I noted these dates and the anniversary of his death on my calendar.

Christmas was the most difficult holiday, and the Meekers chose to change the site to a mountain cabin and to keep the holiday rather low-key.

Looking back, I would be more assertive about follow-up than I was. Distance made dropping by difficult, but I wish I’d have done it on a regular basis and with more pointed questions. Not until six months later was I able to encourage more formal counseling.

The divorce rate for parents who experience the death of a child is high, so being aware of family dynamics is very important. While Jarrett’s death didn’t threaten this couple’s marriage, it did raise other issues from their extended family.

Judy has said repeatedly that she had too little time alone with Jarrett at the funeral home. Now I would suggest that visitation by family and friends be scheduled at a time other than when the parents go to the funeral home. That way there would be no scheduled end to the time they have to grieve with the body. Our institutions dealing with death, such as hospitals and funeral homes, have robbed families of the chores that used to be theirs in preparing bodies and graves. The least we can do is provide appropriate time for parents to be with their dead child.

Helping Yourself

Pastors in this kind of crisis initially will devote a great deal of time to the family in need. But we must be aware of our own personal and family needs. By the third day, I was exhausted from my own lack of sleep and took my first ever sleeping pill. I also needed to be attuned to the feelings of my two sons, so I sent notes to their schoolteachers about their friend’s death.

I depended on the prayers of our congregation. While I have never felt it inappropriate to cry at a memorial service, I feared that if I cried at this one I’d be unable to regain control. So I asked people to pray for my husband and me to get through the service. This wasn’t from a sense of steely pride, but because I had cried enough by then and it wouldn’t be helpful to those attending. I’m sure that our ability to remain composed was due to God’s help.

I was blessed to have a partner in the ministry during this crisis. I would encourage any pastor facing a tragedy that impacts not only a family but a community to find a partner to share the load. A spouse, a colleague, or a small-group member can be an essential support in a journey the pastor should not have to walk alone.

The Meekers were not members of our congregation, though Judy attended regularly. No vows of loyalty “qualify” a family for the intensity of pastoral presence they need in those difficult days. The Meekers have been carried along by the prayers and fellowship of a concerned congregation and plan to join during the next class. Their presence among us has been a deeply moving testimony to their faith since Jarrett’s death.

I wouldn’t want to rerun those wrenching days, but they focused my perspective on ministry and sharpened my skills in grief counseling. And they showed me how God and his people can be faithful to those who mourn.

Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.

Pastors

The God Who Delegates

From Moses to most of us, God works through an unlikely set of characters.

Your mission: a documentary film series about religion for PBS. Great. One more yawner of an assignment. “Explore images of God through the ages,” or some such abstraction, they say. Just fine. Who comes up with these schemes? For starters, the central character is invisible. Well, until someone thinks of a way to arrange an interview with God himself, they’ll have to settle for vignettes about God.

Fourteenth century B.C. Begin with helicopter shot of the Sinai peaks. Uninhabited area, so no TV antennas to dismantle, etc. Zoom to a clump of Bedouin extras impersonating ancient Hebrews. Voice-over on how they eat, what they wear. Camera settles on a Jewish boy about 12 years old. Interrupt him from play and call him over.

“Tell me about your God. What’s he like?” narrator asks.

Boy’s eyes widen. “You mean . . . you mean . . .” Can’t bring himself to say the word.

“That’s right, Yahweh, the God you worship.”

“What’s he like? Him? See that mountain over there? [Cut to volcano. Lots of steam, smoke. Close-up of magma.] That’s where he lives. Don’t go near it or you’ll die! He’s . . . he’s . . . well, most of all he’s scary. Real scary.”

A.D. First century. Pan across the broad, flat horizons of Palestine. Same Bedouins, now milling around the desert in a group. Oasis in the background. Tighten in on a clump of bystanders, then on a woman along the edge, sitting down, leaning against a desert shrub. Prompt her with a question about the nature of God.

“God? I’m still trying to figure him out for myself. I thought I knew, but when I started following this teacher around, I got confused. He claims he’s the Messiah. My friends laugh. But I was there when he fed five thousand people-who else could do that? I ate a piece of the fish. And with my own eyes I saw him heal a blind man. Somehow God is like that man named Jesus, over there.”

A.D. Twentieth century. Move film crew to picturesque church in Smalltown, U.S.A. Pan across the faces of people in the pews.

Voiceover from narrator, “And what is God like now?”

The New Testament asks us to believe that the answer lies in that ordinary church, in those ordinary people in the pews. God in Christ is one thing, but in us? The only way to sense the shock of it is to read the Bible straight through, from Genesis to Revelation, as I did not long ago during several snowy days in Colorado.

The mighty, awesome Lord of the universe, full of passion and fire and holiness, dominates the first 900 pages. Four Gospels follow, about 100 pages long, recounting Jesus’ life on earth. But after Acts, the Bible shifts to a series of personal letters. Grecians, Romans, Jews, slaves, slaveowners, women, men, children-the letters address all these diverse groups, and yet each letter assumes its readers belong to an overarching new identity. They are all “in Christ.”

“The Church is nothing but a section of humanity in which Christ has really taken form,” said Dietrich Bonhoeffer. The apostle Paul expressed much the same thought with his phrase “the body of Christ.” The way he saw it, a new species of humanity was emerging on earth, in whom God himself-the Holy Spirit-was living. They formed the arms and legs and eyes of God himself on earth. What’s more, Paul acted as if that had been God’s goal all along.

“Don’t you know that you yourself are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?” Paul wrote to the ornery bunch at Corinth. To the Jews, of course, the temple was an actual building, the central place on earth where the Presence of God dwelt. Was Paul claiming, to put it plainly, that God had “moved”? Three temples appear in the Bible, and, taken together, they illustrate a progression: God revealed himself first as Father, then as Son, and finally as Holy Spirit. The first temple was a magnificent structure built first by Solomon and rebuilt by Herod. The second was the “temple” of Jesus’ body (“Destroy it,” he said, “and I will raise it again in three days”). And now a third temple has taken shape, fashioned out of individual human beings.

God, the Giver, Delegates

He seems to do nothing of Himself which He can possibly delegate to His creatures. He commands us to do slowly and blunderingly what He could do perfectly and in the twinkling of an eye.

Creation seems to be delegation through and through. I suppose this is because He is a giver.

-C. S. Lewis

The progression-Father, Son, Spirit-represents a profound advance in intimacy. At Sinai the people shrank from God and begged Moses to approach him on their behalf. But in Jesus’ day, people could hold a conversation with the Son of God, and touch him, and even hurt him. And after Pentecost the same flawed disciples who had fled from Jesus’ trial became carriers of the Living God. In an act of delegation beyond fathom, Jesus turned over the kingdom of God to the likes of his disciples-and to us.

But enough. All these misty ideas about the Spirit must somehow be reconciled with the sobering reality of the actual church. Look around at those who call themselves Christians. Look at the faces of the people in the pews of any church. Is this what God had in mind?

Delegation always involves risk, as any employer soon learns. When you turn over a job, you let go. And when God “makes his appeal through us” (Paul’s phrase), he takes an awful risk, the risk that we will badly misrepresent him. Slavery, the Crusades, pogroms against the Jews, colonialism, wars, the Ku Klux Klan-all these movements have claimed the sanction of Christ for their cause. The world God wants to love, the world God is appealing to, may never see him; our own faces may get in the way.

Yet God took that risk, and because he did, the world will know him primarily through Christians. The doctrine of the Holy Spirit is the doctrine of the church: God living in us. Such a plan is the “foolishness of God,” as Paul says in one place, and writer Frederick Buechner marvels at the folly: “to choose for his holy work in the world . . . lamebrains and misfits and nitpickers and holier-than-thous and stuffed shirts and odd ducks and egomaniacs and milquetoasts and closet sensualists.”

“And yet,” Paul continues, “the foolishness of God is wiser than men.”

We who live among the flawed, ordinary people of the church, we who are the lamebrains and misfits and odd ducks of the church, may want to water down the Bible’s extravagant statements about the body of Christ. We know how poorly we embody him. But the Bible is unequivocal. Consider just two examples.

1. We represent God’s holiness on earth. Holiness, above all else, is the reason for the great distance between God and human beings. It’s what made the Most Holy Place forbidden ground. But the New Testament insists that a seismic change has taken place. A perfect God now lives inside very imperfect human beings. And because he respects our freedom, the Spirit in effect “subjects himself” to our behavior. The New Testament tells of a Spirit we can lie to, or grieve, or quench. And when we choose wrongly, we quite literally subject God to that wrong choice.

No passage illustrates this strange truth more forcefully than 1 Corinthians 6, where Paul is scolding the randy members of the church at Corinth for hiring prostitutes. One by one, he knocks down all their rationalizations. Then, finally, he settles on the most sobering warning of all: “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?” Paul seems to mean this in the most literal sense, and he does not shrink from the next, astounding conclusion: “Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!”

You don’t have to be a biblical scholar to see the contrast. In the Old Testament, adulterers were stoned to death for disobeying God’s law. But in the age of the Spirit, God delegates his reputation, even his essence, to us. We incarnate God in the world; what happens to us happens to him.

2. Human beings do the work of God on earth. Or, to be strictly accurate, God does his work through us-the tension comes into play as soon as you try to phrase it. “Without God, we cannot. Without us, God will not,” said Augustine. In a similar vein, Paul wrote, “Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,” in one clause, and “for it is God who works in you” in the next. Whatever else they mean, such conundrums surely contradict a “leave it up to God” attitude.

God provided food for the Israelites wandering through the Sinai Desert, and even made sure their shoes would not wear out. Jesus, too, fed hungry people and ministered directly to their needs. Many Christians who read those thrilling stories look back with a sense of nostalgia, or even disappointment. Why doesn’t God act like that now? they wonder. Why doesn’t he miraculously provide for my needs?

But the New Testament letters seem to show a different pattern at work. In a cold dungeon, Paul turned to his long-time friend Timothy to meet his physical needs. “Bring my cloak,” he wrote, “and also bring Mark, who has always been so helpful.” Another time Paul received “God’s comfort” in the form of a visit from Titus. And when a famine broke out in Jerusalem, Paul himself led the response: he collected money from all the churches he had founded. God was meeting the needs of the young church, but he was doing so indirectly, through fellow members of his body. Paul made no such distinction as “the church did this, but God did that.” Such a division would miss the point he had made so often. The church is Christ’s body; therefore if the church did it, God did it.

Paul’s strong emphasis on this truth may trace back to his first, dramatic personal encounter with God. At the time, he was a fierce persecutor of Christians, a notorious bounty hunter. But on the road to Damascus he saw a light bright enough to blind him for three days, and heard a voice from heaven: “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”

Persecute you? Persecute who? I’m only after those heretics, the Christians.

“Who are you, Lord?” asked Saul at last, knocked flat on the ground.

“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” came the reply.

That sentence summarizes as well as anything the change brought about by the Holy Spirit. Jesus had been executed months before. It was the Christians Saul was after, not Jesus. But Jesus, alive again, informed Saul that those people were in fact his own body. What hurt them, hurt him. It was a lesson the apostle Paul would never forget.

The Uncomfortable Application

I dare not leave this thought without applying its meaning in a most personal way. The doctrine of the Holy Spirit has great significance for us. A friend of mine, Richard, refuses to believe in God because he can’t see him. He once asked me, “Where is God? Show me. I want to see him.” Surely at least part of the answer to his question is this: If you want to see God, then look at the people who belong to him-they are his “bodies.” They are the body of Christ.

“His disciples will have to look more saved if I am to believe in their Savior,” said Nietzsche to such a challenge. But maybe if Richard could find a saint, someone like Mother Teresa, to embody the qualities of love and grace, maybe then he would believe. There-see her? That is what God is like. She is doing the work of God.

Richard does not know Mother Teresa, but he does know me. And that is the most humbling aspect of the doctrine of the Holy Spirit. Richard probably will not hear a voice from a whirlwind that drowns out all questions. He will likely never get a personal glimpse of God in this life. He will only see me.

The Head of an Imperfect Body

Jesus Christ, said Paul, now serves as the Head of the body. We know how a human head accomplishes its will: by translating orders downward in a code that the hands and eyes and mouth can understand. A healthy body is one that follows the will of the head. In that same way, the risen Christ accomplishes his will on earth, through us, the members of his body. We are his mouthpiece, his designated vocal chords on earth.

A plan of such awesome delegation guarantees that God’s message will sometimes seem garbled or incoherent, and guarantees that God will sometimes seem silent. But embodiment was his goal, and in that light the Day of Pentecost becomes a perfect metaphor: God’s voice on earth, speaking through human beings in ways even they could not comprehend.

I have a bright, talented, and very funny friend in Seattle named Carolyn Martin. But Carolyn has cerebral palsy, and it is the peculiar tragedy of her condition that its outward signs-floppy arm movements, drooling, inarticulate speech, a bobbing head-cause people who meet her to wonder if she is retarded. Actually, her mind is the one part of her that works perfectly; it is muscular control that she lacks.

Carolyn lived for fifteen years in a home for the mentally retarded, because the state had no other place for her. Her closest friends were people like Larry, who tore all his clothes off and ate the institution’s house plants, and Arelene, who knew only three sentences and called everyone “Mama.” Carolyn determined to escape from that home and to find a meaningful place for herself in the outside world.

Eventually, she did manage to move out and establish a home of her own. There, the simplest chores posed an overwhelming challenge for Carolyn. It took her three months to learn to brew a pot of tea and pour it into cups without scalding herself. But she mastered that feat, and many others. She enrolled in high school, graduated, and then signed up for community college.

Everyone on campus knew Carolyn as “the disabled person.” They would see her sitting in a wheelchair, hunched over, painstakingly typing out notes on a device called a Canon Communicator. Few felt comfortable talking with her; they could not follow her jumbled sounds. But Carolyn persevered, stretching out a two-year Associate of Arts degree program over seven years. Next, she enrolled in a Lutheran college to study the Bible. After two years there, she was asked to speak to her fellow students in chapel.

Carolyn worked many hours on her address. She typed out the final draft-at her average speed of forty-five minutes a page-and asked her friend Josee to read it for her. Josee had a strong, clear voice.

On the day of the chapel service, Carolyn sat slumped in her wheelchair on the left side of the platform. At times her arms jerked uncontrollably, her head lolled to one side so that it almost touched her shoulder, and a stream of saliva sometimes ran down her blouse. Beside her stood Josee, who read the mature and graceful prose Carolyn had composed, centered around this Bible text: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God but not from us.”

For the first time, some students saw Carolyn as a complete human being, like themselves. Before then her mind, a very good mind, had always been inhibited by a “disobedient” body, and difficulties with speech had masked her intelligence. But hearing her address read aloud as they looked at her onstage, the students could see past the body in a wheelchair and imagine a whole person.

Carolyn told me about that day in her halting speech, and I could understand only about half the words. But the scene she described became for me a kind of parable of the church: a perfect mind locked inside a spastic body, and vocal chords that failed at every second syllable. The New Testament image of Christ as Head of the body took on new meaning for me. I gained a sense of both the humiliation that Christ undergoes in his role as head, and also the exaltation that he allows us, the members of his body.

Sadly, like Carolyn’s body, we in the church sometimes obscure rather than convey God’s love and glory. But the church is the reason behind the entire human experiment, the reason there are human beings in the first place: to somehow let creatures other than God bear the image of God. He deemed it well worth the risk and the humiliation.

But Carolyn also illustrates what even an imperfect body can do.

At one point, she worked at Crestview Developmental Center, a workshop for the disabled. Only Carolyn and one other were physically disabled; the others had either mental or severe emotional problems.

Several airlines had granted the center a contract to clean and repackage stereo headphones. Some of the older men would just stand and stare at their work all day, insulated in a hopeless daze. Carolyn told me later, “I would watch them and shudder, wondering if I too was heading that direction. Those old men sometimes showed up in my dreams at night, with me among them.”

At first Carolyn could not communicate with her fellow workers. Her loud voice made most of them uneasy, especially when they couldn’t understand her words.

“I could write notes,” said Carolyn, “but none of them could read. So I learned to reach out and touch them, and this shattered the wall of ice. The more I touched, the more they responded.”

She reflects: “The workers at Crestview were the most lovable and yet the most volatile people I have ever known. In reading class, often the young men became so utterly frustrated trying to remember words that they would pound their fists on the tables and run off into the forest behind Crestview.

“Yet despite the emotional scars, they received affection openly and gladly. I was surrounded during breaks and lunch hour by people wanting hugs.”

Likewise, even an imperfect body is able to express something of the love and purposes of Christ, the Head.

He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe. It was he who gave some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Then we will no longer be infants. Instead, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.

Pastors

Weathering the Controversy of Change

When changes are introduced, some churches react like angry Henry Ford in Robert Lacy’s bestselling biography Ford: The Man and the Machine. Lacy describes a man who loved his Model T so much that he didn’t want to change a bolt on it.

Ford even kicked out William Knudsen, his ace production man, because Knudsen thought he saw the sun setting on the Model T. That occurred in 1912, when the Model T was only 4 years old and at the crest of its popularity. Ford had just returned from a European jaunt, and he went into a Highland Park, Michigan, garage and saw the new design created by Knudsen.

On-the-scene mechanics recorded how Ford went momentarily berserk. He spied the gleaming red lacquer sheen on a new, low-slung version of the Model T. That he considered a monstrous perversion of his beloved Model T design.

“Ford had his hands in his pockets, and he walked around that car three or four times,” recounted one eyewitness. “It was a four-door job, and the top was down. Finally, he got to the left-hand side of the car, and he takes his hands out, gets hold of the door, and bang! He ripped the door right off! . . . How the man done it, I don’t know!

“He jumped in there, and bang goes the other door. Bang goes the windshield. He jumps over the back seat and starts pounding on the top. He rips the top with the heel of his shoe. He wrecked the car as much as he could.”

Knudsen left for General Motors. Henry Ford nursed along the Model T, but design changes made it more old-fashioned than he would admit. Competitive necessity finally backed him into making the Model A, though his heart was never in it. Even though GM was nipping at Ford’s heels, the inventor wanted life to freeze where it was.

Change can produce similar responses in the church. And in the midst of controversy, pastors can begin to feel like the car roughed up by Henry Ford. But there is another way to view change.

A few summers back, I took my family to tour the majestic giant redwoods in Muir Woods, north of San Francisco. A guide said that one of the secrets of longevity for the gargantuan trees is that they have the ability to mend themselves.

Through the centuries, these redwoods have weathered horrendously violent storms. Thunder crashes. Gale-force winds blow. Lightning strikes, searing the trees. But the trees don’t topple. The redwoods show an amazing capacity to renew themselves. Time, as the Greeks pointed out, is nature’s medicine. I’ve discovered that churches, in the midst of change, may act like Henry Ford or like redwoods.

In the middle of church crises, I remind myself of a bit of folk wisdom: “Some things, if left alone, will right themselves. Some things, no matter what we do, will not be righted. Some things, if we try, can be made right.”

The key for pastors, of course, is knowing when to act and when to let the natural renewal capacity mend the congregation. While trying to sort out the various situations, I’ve developed three principles that help me weather the turbulence.

It’s normal for change to hurt

We hear a lot of maxims about how change brings growth, renews awareness, and builds the character of Christian churches as people bend traditions for the greater good. That reads nicely. But the blunt fact is that in churches, change can produce more hurt and chaos than constructive progress.

One church I served was located in a Colorado boom city that had grown too fast. Most citizens vividly remembered the days when most everyone knew each other. Shoppers met at the crossroads of two meandering avenues.

A key leader offered me words of wisdom about the people of that community. He mentioned that few moved into the town to participate in metro Denver. They wanted to escape the megalopolis. According to this elder, these citizens often confused growth with congestion, expanded streets with Times Square, and annexing more land for development with turning Arvada into another Bayonne off the New Jersey turnpike.

In such a setting, gung ho pastors who talk about the Great Commission bash their heads against a great wall of antigrowth sentiment. “Talk about family,” cautioned this elder. “Speak winsomely about moving toward greatness rather than growth. Who can be against a great church?”

The secret of pastoring in this kind of community was to live with the limitation that most of the citizens wanted a town, not a city. They wanted a church that functioned in a great way, but not in an expansive, impersonal way. Knowing mine wouldn’t be a computerized, thousand-member church by tomorrow, I tried to remember that the tension between numerical growth and maintenance is hardly new.

In the early 1960s, the church had built on property flush against unbelievable suburban growth. In the eighties a stagnant, even blighted, real estate market surrounded that edifice. Church growth experts tell us a neighborhood church, after two decades, needs to regionalize, appealing to a wider area. That was our challenge.

I voiced the concern to elders that we needed intentional outreach, more money allocated for publicity, and a target area for membership growth far beyond our walls. What an uproar that caused! People acted as if I were robbing them of their teddy bears.

Then another Presbyterian church near us closed its doors. Twenty years ago this church had decided to stay “small and caring,” merely appealing to the good neighbors around the block. That neighborhood shrank. Its residents aged. The church nose-dived in membership. The presbytery postmortem confirmed my analysis: “The traditional neighborhood congregations are one of the declining institutions of our society, and therefore a congregation must draw from a larger (regional) base for membership and participation. This makes location, accessibility, and visibility of greater importance.”

The experience of our sister congregation changed our outlook. Finally key leaders spoke of reaching out to many neighborhoods, making intentional growth plans, and advertising who we were. The pain of death overshadowed the inevitable pain of change.

Improvement demands change

A second principle I learned was this: Not all change is improvement, but without change there can be no improvement.

For at least two decades, the church winked at keeping a clean membership roll. No overt negligence or trickery was afoot in our rolls that showed continuous growth. The leaders simply embraced a cozy, small-town model for church membership: Whoever shows up for worship and church functions is considered a member. But more gray hair crept into the sanctuary as the years skipped by.

Eddie Gibbs of Fuller Theological Seminary, speaking at a Billy Graham church growth rally, pointed out the soft spot in churches so family oriented that they don’t track membership. “Membership,” cracked Gibbs, “becomes like the proverbial big-fish story. With every retelling, the fish becomes larger and friskier.”

So it is with churches that ignore membership rolls. Veterans look back and think the church is bigger and more alive with every retelling of past accomplishments.

A month after I arrived as pastor, I knew the church was no larger than, at best, two-thirds its reported size. Basic statistical data was needed to make hard decisions about the church’s future mission. And we couldn’t afford for the sources of this information to be contaminated by emotional ties to the church’s past.

That put me between a rock and a hard place. If I pointed out how the lack of solid membership counts leads to illusions about the church’s health, I would be castigated as a troublemaker. But if I perpetuated groundless notions, our plans would be contaminated.

I was stumped for a game plan, but God let me stumble on a solution.

The clerk of Session, our board secretary, took a shine to me. A close confidante of my revered predecessor, she’d been in the church for half a century. One day I proposed a plan: I asked her to pretend with me that the church had no members. She was to go on a hunt to justify the presence of everyone she retained on the church rolls. I set her mission at getting names straight, finding new addresses, keying in on families that deserved care and pastoral attention. Such an updated membership roll, I mentioned, would make my calling ministry more fruitful.

Before long, she discovered more than two hundred phantom members. She squared this fact with the knowledge that the church paid an annual head tax to the denomination-over ten bucks per year per member, phantoms included. Then she discovered the widow of a former pastor still listed as an active member, even though deceased for thirty years!

How membership rolls changed for the better when this news was flashed among church veterans! No one wanted to throw their good money after members God had claimed in heaven. Despite the initial pain of a readjusted self-concept for the congregation, change came because a few good people wanted to make things right.

To reach second base, you can’t stay on first

As baseball players know, you can’t steal second and still keep your foot on first.

The late Bill Veeck personified this spirit. He changed baseball with revolutionary promotions that rocked the staid baseball owners. Veeck sent a midget up to bat when he owned the St. Louis Browns. When at the helm of the Chicago White Sox, Veeck pressed for night baseball. He advocated promotions such as bat day to give the fans a great time. Other owners despised this overgrown kid, but he helped make baseball what it is today.

At times, pastors, too, find they have to take a risk to get the church where it needs to go.

Longer than anyone can remember, the Lord’s Supper in the Arvada church was observed in the same way, without a wisp of liturgy. After I’d been there a year, I suggested we celebrate Communion at the beginning of each season of the Christian year. When the worship committee studied the proposal, a key member quit the committee and resigned from Session. Though she never expressed it directly, she implied it was because I was just trying to get my way. Since I considered this parishioner a friend that cut me deeply.

Then three years later, this parishioner came to me positively aglow. Why? Because, of all things, Communion tied to the Christian year had introduced her to a biblical faith that meant so much to her. Change came for the better, but it required that we take the risk and leave first base.

There are still occasions when I feel as pommeled as Knudsen’s red concept car, but the times when change brings joy and improvement are worth the beating.

-Jack R. Van Ens

Denver, Colorado

Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.

Pastors

Entrenched But Incapable

I gasped. “George Nye has been Sunday school superintendent for forty-seven years?”

“Yep. He’s an institution here at First Church,” I was told.

Stability, I thought. It will be great to have at least one position where I won’t have to beg someone to take charge.

For a young seminarian at his first church, what an awesome discovery: George already had been supervising the Sunday school for twenty years when I was born. He had witnessed the coming and going of eight pastors. When he started, the streets in town weren’t paved, the farmers in the countryside didn’t have electricity, and half the homes still had outhouses. And he assured me everything in the Sunday school was under control.

I casually asked George one day when the next Sunday school teachers’ meeting would be.

“Why?” he growled.

“Oh, I just want to get to know everyone,” I stammered.

“I gave you a list of the workers,” he reminded me. “We don’t have meetings unless I feel there is a need. We’ll probably have one in December to plan the Christmas program.”

I didn’t press the matter. After all, what did I know about Sunday school, except for some seminary classes and three years of teaching third- and fourth-graders? No plans for the Christmas program until December? The thought kept nagging me.

The first week in December, I asked George about the Christmas program.

“I decided not to have a program,” he announced. “It’s the same thing year after year. Mrs. Nye and I bought the children candy canes instead.”

A quick informal survey of the teachers, who had not had a meeting, revealed disappointment. They counted on the program as a way to meet some of the nonchurch children’s parents. At the last moment, we designated a Sunday for each class to hold its own Christmas party. But not many parents came out at 9:30 A.M.

The new class

A year later, I noticed that most of our couples under forty never attended Sunday school. We were providing two classes for adults. Larry Wilson taught a class in Romans; he’d been in Romans for about six years. The other class was taught by Mrs. Nye, George’s wife. (And it was strictly, “Mrs. Nye.” No one, not even George, called her anything else.) She led a ladies’ class entitled, “It’s a Woman’s World.” I had no idea what she taught. Every Sunday after opening exercises, Mrs. Nye and a dozen women her age marched off to the church library and closed both doors.

So after talking with the younger couples for months, I decided to introduce a new class. To not compete with the existing classes, we would begin with a topical study-“How to Be the Parent God Wants You to Be”-and we would meet across the street in the American Legion hall.

I mailed the flyers on Wednesday. Saturday, a furious George Nye called on me. There were to be no new classes without his prior approval. Besides, we did not need another adult class.

“There aren’t ten people in Larry’s class, and Mrs. Nye’s is about the same,” he said. “If those people want Sunday school so bad, they can come to one of the existing classes.”

I should have talked to George first. But being somewhat intimidated, I had chosen to by-pass him. “The elder board told me to go ahead. They were under the impression that adult classes came under their jurisdiction,” I countered.

“They’re wrong,” George boomed. “If it’s Sunday school, I’m in charge. Unless they want me to resign.”

“Oh, no,” I reassured him, “that’s not it at all.”

I spent two hours explaining the class and how it could make the Sunday school attendance grow. The last line started to melt George. “Wouldn’t it be something,” I pressed, “when you go up to the Sunday school attendance board and put some numbers in the two hundreds?”

“That’ll be the day!” he shrugged. “Go ahead, Pastor, and give it a try. But there’s no way you’re going to get them here. I’ve been trying for years.”

On the first Sunday, we had twenty-three new adults in our class. By the fourth Sunday, there were thirty-four. That week George posted the attendance: 202. “The first time since October of 1953,” George announced.

The addition of the class proceeded smoothly except for an occasional comment at the door by one of the women who attended Mrs. Nye’s class, phrases like “A legion hall is no place for a Sunday school class!” and “We’ve been trying to get Mrs. Riggers to come to our class, but you stole her away!”

Curriculum and code complaints

Somewhere in the middle of my second year at the church, the Sunday school teachers started coming to me and complaining about curriculum, supplies, and a general lack of unity.

“Look at this book.” Nancy showed me a yellowing teacher’s handbook. “Read the date.”

“June-August 1955!”

“Yeah, George says there’s no reason to spend the Lord’s money on new curriculum. You ought to see these lessons. This week is on ‘Why Christian Families Do Not Own Television Sets.’ The opening line is, ‘You can always tell where the Devil lives by the aluminum horns sticking up through the roof.’ And look at next week: ‘Don’t Be a Beatnik!’ Kids don’t even know what a hippie is, let alone a beatnik!”

“What do you do with lessons like that?”

“I’ve had to make up my own material for years. I’m just getting tired. It would be great to have material that helped instead of hindered.”

I mentioned the curriculum problem to George. He insisted that teachers had no wisdom in using the Lord’s money. “We need that money for missions. It’s better that some heathen hear the gospel than a dozen more overpriced quarterlies gather dust.”

Norm and Cheryl Tarhee had a more serious problem. They taught the fourth-grade class, which met in an upstairs room.

“The fire marshal said we had to have outside stairs as a safety precaution,” Norm related. “He allowed us to get by with these rope ladders, as long as they are always stored by the windows and the children know how to use them.”

“Well,” I stammered, “rope ladders do seem, er, rather primitive.”

“Oh, the ladders are okay,” Norm continued, “but George Nye insisted on nailing the windows shut because sometimes the kids would lean out the windows and yell at people coming into the parking lot.”

This time I didn’t bother taking the problem to George. Armed with comments from most of the teaching staff, I approached the board of elders with a suggestion: “Why don’t we appoint a new Sunday school superintendent?”

Silence. Then they all spoke at once.

“Yeah, well, good luck, Pastor.” “Tackling George Nye is like burning a flag at a veterans’ meeting.” “You’re right about needing a change,” one commented, “but if you insult George, you’ve turned all the Nyes against you. Not only that, there are the Coughlins, Realtmans, and Nagleys. They are all related, you know.” I hadn’t known.

Practical principles

Finally, one board member suggested, “Maybe if we had better guidelines, some of the struggle could be worked out. Then we can tell George this is the way things must be done.”

So we tabled the notion, and I prayed for a set of guidelines, or a miracle. We ended up, after three more months, with guidelines agreed on by all twelve elders (which was probably the miracle). Here are some of the underlying principles that made them work.

Establish terms of service. We decided that no appointments were to be open-ended. Superintendents would serve for three years, teachers for two, and nursery supervisors for one, before they would be required to take a break.

Set up accountability structures. In our case, we gave every appointed position a job description. We tried to make each description as clear and short as possible: one paragraph describing what the board expected, and one line stating to whom that appointee was responsible. We made each appointed position responsible to one of our church’s seven committees. The committee met with the appointee yearly to review the position. And since each committee was chaired by one of our elders, this maintained accountability.

Select people carefully. We established a personnel committee of three elders and the pastor. When the individual committees recommended candidates for appointments, this personnel committee interviewed the prospects and made a final nomination to the board. We even went so far as to appoint only people whom the entire board could support.

Adequately recognize each appointee. We realized that longevity was about the only quality we honored. That encouraged people to work longer but not necessarily better. We set aside a Sunday to honor workers and give them certificates, presents, and a reception.

Retiring, but not shy

It took some months to implement these new guidelines. And two Sunday school teachers, feeling the yearly reviews were threatening and showed a lack of trust, chose to retire.

That’s when George Nye came to see me again.

“I told you all these new rules would disrupt the Sunday school,” he complained.

“George, I’m sorry to lose two of your teachers,” I said. “But we felt some policies would be needed, not just for now, but for the future. Someday, we won’t have teachers with all the experience of these folks. Why, the day might come when we have a superintendent who doesn’t have almost fifty years of ministry.”

Two months later, right before the first yearly job review was scheduled, George and Mrs. Nye both decided to retire. “Time to turn it over to the young people,” they said publicly. But we knew they felt pushed aside. That’s when we decided to hold a first-class celebration.

Forty-nine years of continual leadership is phenomenal. Can you imagine that for half a century no pastor at First Church was ever phoned early Sunday by a teacher announcing, “I can’t be there this morning. You’ll have to find someone to take my place”?

From all accounts George had put in many good years as superintendent, though he should have retired earlier. Proper recognition was in order.

We rented the Memorial Building and invited the community. We declared it “George and Mrs. Nye Day.” (The printed napkins actually read GEORGE & MRS. NYE.) We invited former pastors, missionary friends, and former members and students. There was cake, punch, and a Sunday school choir. And we presented a plaque declaring that our adult Sunday school room would forever be called Nye Hall.

It was a happy celebration with a clear message: First Church was changing leadership, but we would never forget the faithful service of those in the past.

It took two years for me to decide how to address the problem of George. That was probably the Lord’s mercy. Had I demanded changes earlier, I wouldn’t have had people’s support. And it took about two more years to get the new system working smoothly. But the time, stress, energy, and tears were worth it. Not only did the new guidelines ease the leadership problems I faced, it set up the church to deal with such conflicts in the years to come.

-Stephen A. Bly

Winchester, Idaho

Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.

Pastors

SPIRITUAL SURVIVAL FOR A FORCED EXIT

Even a painful resignation can be a first-hand encounter with grace.

The axe fell on my birthday. The night before, three elders had, for three hours, raked me over the coals. They made no charge of malfeasance or immorality, but the power brokers in the pews had made it clear that my theology had grown to be inconsistent with a majority of the congregation’s.

I got up that morning, aching from the verbal torture of the night before, and went to work. The secretary brought in a birthday plant with a helium balloon attached. On the balloon were a number of pigs laughing hysterically under the caption, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I felt I was the butt of a poor joke.

Carrying the thing back, I told the secretary, “I appreciate the plant, but could you get rid of the balloon?” With a short, sharp stroke, she pierced the heart-shaped balloon with a pair of scissors and glared at me. That afternoon, ignoring my apology for my paranoia, she walked off the job and didn’t return until I had left for good.

Welcome to the world of the forced-out pastor.

The Wounded Duck

When a pastor resigns willingly, the period between resignation and departure is a time of collecting bouquets for a job well done. But when a pastor is forced out, that time is filled with profound loneliness and stress and the anger of an entire congregation-when one is least prepared for it. This pastor is not a lame duck but a wounded one.

Here are some of the wounds found in forced pastoral exits:

Reduced social contact with fellow clergy, particularly if one is leaving a denomination, as I did. Clergy friends of past years, loyal to the hierarchy, could not identify with my failure, and I quickly was relegated to their “newsletter only” list, and where we had exchanged friendly greetings in the past, now any communication was stiff and formal.

Pressure from the church board to vacate the parsonage or stop receiving a salary. The board wanted us out of the parsonage in two weeks, new church or not. We had just begun the search process, which usually takes six to twelve months. Only the outrage of our friends in the congregation thwarted this move.

Non-person status. Weeks after my resignation, I met on the street an elder who just a year before had praised my ministry. She not only refused to return my greeting, but she also turned her head to avoid eye contact.

Not-so-subtle hints you’re crazy or in the wrong profession. A well-intentioned social worker came to the parsonage in my absence to tell my wife, busy with three preschoolers, that I needed psychiatric help. The interim minister who served before my arrival, a friend of the major power broker in the fellowship, mailed me a bibliography on career change.

Threats or insults. During the search process, we came home one evening to find the message light blinking on the answering machine. Eagerly expecting a nibble from a new pulpit committee, we switched it on, only to hear, “Why aren’t you gone by now?” The upholstery in one of our cars was slashed, and our home was occasionally under surveillance at odd hours by a retiree with too much time on his hands.

Reduced social contact with friends in the congregation. Once I resigned, the problem, with its pain, tended to dominate our conversations with friends in the fellowship. Slowly, we began to reduce our calls and visits.

Difficulties in the search for a new church. Though I didn’t experience much closer scrutiny from pulpit committees or placement officials as a result of my wounded-duck status, I know others who did.

Strategies for Spiritual Survival

Forced exits are always unplanned and stressful. But I found some strategies helpful in handling the stress, making the transition, and even growing through the experience.

Expect uncomfortable emotions. A forced departure is nothing less than a divorce between pastor and congregation-at best, it’s an uneasy, guilt-ridden settlement. The pain of the congregation is allayed by the hope they can “get a better pastor,” but the departing pastor may feel betrayed.

The wounded duck alternates between anger and its inward form, depression. It’s common to be angry over the apparent injustice and depressed over the pastor’s vulnerability to congregational politics. Supporters who promised to fight the forced resignation may have slowly fallen in line with the demands of the pastor’s powerful opponents.

I also felt envy and shame-envy of the ministers who have it good and shame over the residual sense I could have done some things differently, even if I didn’t know clearly what.

Finally, wounded ducks have a sense of displacement similar to the unemployed or retired person’s, particularly if there is a gap between pastorates. One day you get up, but there’s no place to go. The study has been vacated, the church keys surrendered.

As wounded ducks, we need to anticipate and identify these feelings so we can take them to God in prayer. Given the temptation to place all the blame on the “dragons” in the congregation, we might do well to begin by praying for ourselves, claiming God’s forgiveness for our weakness of the flesh.

Develop a new and temporary network of understanding friends. Clergy in other cities, trusted people from a different church, staff members at retreats or camps, family or close friends-anyone capable of listening and offering sound counsel-can be part of a new, temporary helping network.

I say “new” because preresignation friends and postresignation friends will be different. Many preresignation friends within the congregation may be attached to you as pastor. Your resignation fills them with much of the same pain you experience.

Your network of support will probably also be temporary, as you are drawn to people who can minister to your most immediate needs. The wise counselors who helped my wife, Jeana, and me through our crisis were a colleague who was a son of the congregation I had served (his knowledge of people on both sides of the controversy was invaluable), another colleague who had brought a church through revival but at the cost of half his membership (he could see both sides of the stay-vs.-leave debate), and the elder and pastor of a church that split off from the denomination I was serving.

I marvel at the Lord’s provision of those who could both minister to our hurts and discuss realistically options for our future. All knew the emotional impact of church-pastor fights, yet they had an emotional distance from our problem that gave them an analytical perspective.

The Key Assignments

With the help of such friends, discern between accurate criticisms and unfair blame. Using 1 Peter 2:15-25 and other texts, our friends helped us discern whether we were suffering justly or unjustly. Yes, some of our former members were wrong to use individual tastes rather than the Bible to judge my preaching, but I was wrong to raise my voice at my harshest critic while shaking hands in line after the service. We assessed each hurt and complaint until the personal inventory was complete.

Warren Wiersbe lists some frustration factors of pastors who bring problems upon themselves: setting unreachable goals, creating unmanageable schedules, being hypersensitive or overreactive to criticism, and having a messiah complex. Do some of us load these burdens on the backs of our congregations? I know I did. Granted, it’s hard to confess our sins to former members we have offended when they’re still angry and won’t say hello on the street.

On the other hand, pastor and writer Stephen Bly summarizes some reasons pastors are wrongly criticized: partisanship to a beloved former pastor, seeing the pastor as a lackey of the congregation, jealousy on the part of “frustrated preachers” in the pews, unconfessed sin for which criticism of the pastor is a handy smoke screen, vengeance for a presumed offense, comparison with media super-preachers (somewhat less in vogue lately), using the preacher as an excuse to avoid church, projected guilt (blaming the preacher for not visiting their mother in the nursing home when they don’t visit her themselves), and using preacher abuse to get back at God. Recognizing some of these descriptions in my situation, I was able to stop blaming myself for everything and work on forgiving and responding correctly to people.

Discernment helps us avoid the extremes of self-flagellation or a fancy of conspiracy against our ministries. And it sets the stage for honest prayer for our enemies, as Jesus instructed in Matthew 5:43-48. Such prayer dethrones them from their undeserved pedestal of omnipotence over our condition and sets them beside us as fellow, errant human beings.

Remember whom you are serving. I had misinterpreted a unanimous election by the congregation as a mandate to pursue the direction I thought the church should be headed. What the pulpit committee really wanted, however, was an influential personality in the community like the beloved former pastor who served there for thirty years. But the community had quadrupled in size over that period, and the church was no longer the church in town. Hence, its pastor was no longer a de facto community leader.

You can imagine my shock when I learned my presumed mandate was illusory, and the admiration and acceptance I had expected for knowing and doing the right things vanished in volleys of accusation and rumor. Yet the Lord used this shock treatment to direct my attention to him. At the time, nothing less would have worked.

Then, and only then, did I realize my service for him had been tainted by a strong desire for the plaudits of the people. Thus were my motives painfully purified. Without developing a martyr complex, I also remembered that rejection characterized the reaction of humanity to the Savior, even among religious leaders and one of his disciples.

The problem with so many “experts” on pastoral ministry is they presume that following the rules of good public relations and careful listening will always result in majority acceptance of our ministry. It may not, and we may never learn all the reasons why things didn’t work out in a particular pastorate. Then it’s necessary to follow our Lord’s example by trusting ourselves to him who judges righteously.

Internal Repairs

I also found that I needed to focus specifically on dealing with the damage sustained by my spiritual life. Here were some of the things I found produced healing.

Use music and God’s majesty in nature to soothe your raw emotions and help you maintain a sense of God’s presence. Anger tramples on the nobler emotions, while depression dulls them. Wounded ducks, like King Saul, need musical food for the soul (1 Sam. 16:23). Our present well-being and our success in a new ministry depend on keeping our spirits healthy no matter how bruised our egos may be. I resigned under pressure in August 1985, and by God’s providence, that fall season was the most beautiful I’ve seen. Marveling at the beauty of God’s world took my mind off myself. Musically, I feasted on praise tapes, Andre Crouch’s songs, and southern Gospel quartet music. You may prefer Vivaldi or Mozart; no matter, it’s important to keep stoking the fire within.

Use the layover period to begin a personal project. The period of winding down after your resignation is meant for more than finding a new church. When the phone stops ringing and you’re not yet ready to start packing, fill in the empty moments with rainy-day projects, work-related or not. I used my idle time to begin notes on the Book of Genesis, and a year later I was using them for Wednesday night teaching in a new congregation.

Allow the ravens to feed you. Church conflict polarizes people for you as well as against you, no matter how few your friends seem when compared to the mad majority. Some of these friends will be to you what the ravens were to Elijah in the time of drought (1 Kings 17:1-6): divine helpers whose small but sincere gestures of emotional and material support help maintain the desire to go on with life. Don’t refuse them out of pride (or surprise) when they offer a food basket, baked goods, a dinner invitation, or even part of their tax refund as a gesture of support. My wife and I received all of these, and each was a unique and touching gesture from people who really cared.

Attend a new church. This is a necessity if you can’t manage to be in a new pulpit the Sunday after your last in the old.

I benefited from the experience of entering a new church as a visitor rather than candidate; I learned what first-time visitors to any new church must feel.

In addition, that new fellowship may become part of your temporary help system. They will pray for you, teach you in Sunday school, and possibly even let you preach. The new church we attended for seven months enlisted couples to serve as nursery attendants. What a pleasure it was for my wife and me to assist fellow Christians in that humble way for the first time! The activities of our new church helped our family fill the emptiness created in our lives by being uprooted from our former church.

Do your best to maintain peaceful relations with your church after your resignation. I alerted our church council to some discouraged and angry members who threatened to leave when I did. I also continued as organizer and recruiter of workers in our capital-fund campaign, working seventy-hour weeks to show good faith and to keep my resignation from hurting the campaign. When the council was haggling over forcing us from the parsonage, my wife and I remained silent and trusted our friends in the congregation to defend our interests. When we moved, we left the parsonage in super-clean condition.

Bear in mind that wounded ducks won’t be thanked for gestures like these, but we felt they were part of being faithful in the Lord’s sight-and they helped us in our healing process.

Power Steering

No time in ministry is as rife with pitfalls as the time following resignation. For me, the situation is an embodiment of spiritual warfare.

As I put these principles into practice, I found it’s possible to steer through such difficult days and “count it all joy” (James 1:2).

None of us does a perfect job of steering, but as time gives me perspective on my forced exit, I have come to appreciate how God blessed me even in the midst of the pain and prepared me for a better ministry in the future.

Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.

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