If you haven't read Part 1 of this piece yet, start there. Then enjoy this, the conclusion to a unnamed (by her preference) female pastor's sharp and insightful musing on ministry culture and gender. Female preachers, I sympathize… I had no idea. –Paul Pastor
We'll need to leave for church soon. It sounds like the kids downstairs finally found matching pairs of shoes. Back to my wardrobe.
Hmmm … Belts make me feel put together. Somehow I find strength in my shape as a woman and a belt shows that shape. A bust-line and a curved hipline are connected to my role as a mother. Now, is there a way to accent the waist between the two without it becoming sexual? I'm still not entirely sure I understand what "A woman shall be saved through child-bearing" means but I believe it has something to do with women finding peace in being women. For me that means looking like I could (and did) bear children.
I remember reading a blog post by Rachel Held Evans lamenting our culture which both assigns value to women based on their sex appeal and judges women for their bodies' bewitching power to "make our brothers stumble." I don't want to do anything to make a brother stumble (like that sad old argument why women shouldn't preach—their beauty is just "too distracting"). But if some of my brothers are addicted to porn, how can I avoid falling into the way they've learned to look at women? Burqa, perhaps?
…if some of my brothers are addicted to porn, how can I avoid falling into the way they've learned to look at women? Burqa, perhaps?
Now footwear. I've always thought that if an outfit is a sentence, shoes are the punctuation. Do I want my "sentence" to trail off in an ellipsis . . . or seem unresolved with a question mark? I want what I'm saying to end with a period. Or even an exclamation point! Sadly, they don't arrange shoe stores according to marks of punctuation.
A nice heel makes me feel confident and helps me stand tall. But at what height does a heel turn from pretty woman to Pretty Woman? Maybe the more important question is: "At what height does a heel increase my risk of a tumble on the way to the podium?" Was it Samuel Johnson who said, "A woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all." If I'm going to be compared to a dog walking on its hind legs, I might as well walk in comfort. With just a touch of fabulous.
Okay, now on to hair and make-up.
Is it okay to just want to look nice? To add a little color to my cheeks? I know I'll never look like a supermodel but, as Cindy Crawford said, "Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford." Since the culture puts so many expectations upon women to have smooth skin and full lips and sultry eyes, I have a responsibility to the women I lead to model comfort in my own skin and a responsibility to show the men I lead that their wives aren't the only ones with wrinkles or the occasional spot. But I do want my face to be engaging since the sermon is coming out of it, I want my eyes to twinkle as I tell my stories. Bit tricky when my eyes reveal how late I was up last night, wrestling with this sermon. So it's eyedrops and a little mascara for me.
Oh, hair . . . even the bible says hair is a woman's glory. So much for that. But I have to do something with it. Maybe I'll just wear a hat? If a head covering can be a sign of submission, could it also be a sign that I'll never conform to beauty ideals? Maybe that could be "my thing?" The preacher in a beret.
Lord, please provide some kind of hairstyle which works for me but which doesn't take 45 minutes a day and hundreds of dollars in styling products. I'm serious.
At last! An outfit that seems effortless. So much for "Do not worry about what you will wear"!
One last check in the mirror. According to the 1960's fashion consultant, Mrs. William C. Frankie Wench, I should adhere to the point system, a point being any item of interest in my outfit—buttons, buckles, accessories. I think I'm allowed 10 points total. So in the name of minimizing distractions, I guess I should do a little spin in front of the mirror and see what catches my eye. Does a flash of midriff count as a point? What about a little jiggle? After all that work getting dressed, it looks like I have to take it all off to upgrade some undergarments–the heavy-duty kind which battens down the hatches and covers the gaping white space that forms between jeans and shirt when I bend. Where did I read that article about the top ten 10 tackiest things women wear? I was surprised when Number 1 was something I'd never even heard of: VPL (visible panty line). Better work out a way to minimize that. I'm just glad I wasn't preaching when I was nursing. I don't want to even think about the undergarment ramifications of that!
Dressing with modesty isn't as simple as it seems. But what is modesty anyway? I could wear pearls and braided hair and look the picture of propriety. On the other hand, Paul's audience would be scandalized by the sight of me in jeans.
I miss the days back in school when dressing was just about getting a boy to look at me or about impressing friends with my style. That was simple! It takes more work to dress so that the attention is not on me. Was it Coco Chanel who said, "Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman."
How does a woman dress so they remember Someone Else entirely?
Funny, my passage today says, "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." I've just spent the past half hour setting my mind on earthly things.
Or have I?
-"A Female Pastor" is the senior leader and preacher for a colorful Midwest congregation.
