The Gift of Mentoring

The term mentor comes from Homer's Odyssey. Mentor was the name of the old guy Odysseus left to care for and educate his son Telemachus. The goddess Athena had hidden herself in the form of Mentor to help Telemachus stand up to the suitors who wanted to marry his mother. Through Mentor, Athena also encouraged the young man to start his journey to find his father. Thus Mentor was not only an example of a trusted advisor to a younger person, but an embodiment of divine help and encouragement as that person launches into the journey of life.

As I look back on my life and ministry, I can see my mentors were a gift from God. And their example has been what I seek to provide those I am now mentoring.

I grew up in Schenectady, New York, where my dad worked all of his life on the security detail at the General Electric Company. My mom was a nurse. My folks were first- generation Christians whose faith had totally reconfigured their lives. I was the youngest of four children, and while I was brought up in that faith, I did not initially share my parents' passion for Christ. I grew up in church, youth group, Christian summer camps, and yet I loved sports more than all of these. It was in sports that I developed my identity.

A Life Mentor

A new couple moved into town and started attending our church—Dave and Betty Lou Pollock. Betty Lou was a nurse and Dave was a recent graduate of Moody Bible Institute. Dave was the new area director of Youth for Christ (YFC), and he took an interest in me. We started a friendship, and he took all the initiative. He came to my football games, wrestling matches, and track meets. He took me out to lunch and invited me to his house for dinner. When they adopted their first child, they asked me to babysit.

I liked them because they liked me. He invited me to attend YFC meetings, but I refused to go. He kept inviting me, and he never gave me the impression he was disappointed in me when I would not attend. I had my reasons, but he never asked me what they were. I felt bad for him though, so one night I went to a big rally he was doing at the YMCA. I purposely got there late and stood in the back just to hear him speak and then left when he finished, even though the program was only half over.

Dave kept inviting me, and never gave me the impression he was disappointed in me when I would not attend.

My relationship with Jesus did finally gain traction, and my friendship with Dave continued during my college and seminary years even though neither of us lived any longer in Schenectady. I would often visit him and Betty Lou and the kids. We would talk long into the night, and Dave loved to talk. He even officiated my wedding.

Wherever he went he pulled me into his ministry as a speaker or resource person. Sometimes he would call just to bounce ideas off me. I was always amazed: Dave was asking me for my thoughts!

Dave was an important part of my life and ministry until his untimely death in 2004. As I sat in his memorial service at Houghton College, listening to the various speakers share how they were influenced by Dave's life, I was overcome with the thought that I had lost one of my lifetime mentors and my friend.

A Ministry Mentor

Art Gay was the new young associate pastor at my home church. Art and his wife, Joann, were actually friends with Dave and Betty Lou. I remember going to Art for his help in preparing a report for my senior biology class on Creation and Evolution. He also took an interest in me beyond that report. He came to my sporting events even though I had stopped my involvement with the church's youth program. He stayed in touch with me while I was in seminary, and he was the first older adult (over 30) who called my attention to this girl named Gloria with whom I was working at a summer camp where Art was the speaker.

Not that I hadn't already noticed Gloria, but Art's confirmation was very important to me—and after nearly 43 years of marriage to Gloria, it is still important.

Not only was I being mentored in pastoral ministry, but we were learning about marriage and family, car and house repair, and even how to do our taxes.

During my last year at Gordon-Conwell Seminary, Art called me to ask if I would be interested in serving as his associate after I graduated. He and Joann had moved to Albany to lead a newly-formed church that was rapidly growing. So, two weeks after we got married, Gloria and I started serving in our first church alongside Art and Joann.

I spent two years watching, listening, and learning. Not only was I being mentored in pastoral ministry, but we were learning about marriage and family life, car and house repair, and even how to do our own income taxes—all from a husband and wife team who were ten years ahead of us in life. When Art and Joann left to take a church in Illinois, I was asked to stay on as the pastor. Though I was young and inexperienced, I had learned enough from Art to have gained the confidence of this congregation.

Art had a significant impact on the evangelical movement during his years of active pastoral ministry (the youth pastor in his Chicago church was a young man named Bill Hybels, who later planted a church that grew to some prominence). Art was also president of the National Association of Evangelicals and later president of World Relief. Art stayed in touch with us throughout his ministry and was a great source of encouragement. When I was considering the move to my current church, Art told me he believed that this could be my most effective ministry yet.

Art is now retired and lives live about an hour from us. Not too long ago, Art popped in on me on his way to preach at another church. He just wanted to tell me that he was praying for me. I still consider him my "go to guy" when I need counsel or just feedback on my latest theory about pastoral ministry. I still treasure him as my ministry mentor.

There are all kinds of mentoring relationships that we have at different points in our lives. I chose to talk about Dave and Art because they have known me the longest. The Lord blessed me through the mentoring relationship with my two friends, one in the development of my life and the other in the development of my ministry.

But there are many, many others who have intentionally influenced me and poured themselves into me over the years. Certainly my godly mom and dad, and sisters and brothers-in-law, and then there were Dick Camp, Jack Swartz, Pete Willson, Don Church, Jim Ford, and Ronald Reagan. And then peer mentoring from my college buddies like Stu Weber, Ralph Veerman, Steve Leonard, Rollie Niednagel, Jim Seneff, and Jim Gustafson.

The Heart Of Mentoring

While there are different forms of mentoring, what are the things that every mentoring relationship has in common?

Perspicuity: Mentors clearly see something that draws them to the mentoree. Perhaps it is the potential, the heart for God, or a particular need that the mentor believes he/she can meet. I never asked any of my mentors what they saw in me, but I know it was something I did not see in myself.

Prayerful Initiative: All of my mentors sought me out. Not one of them had to, but all of them chose to. In many respects this parallels what Jesus did when he prayed for certain men and called them to be his followers (Luke 6:12, 13), as well as praying for them as they followed (John 17:9).

Purposeful Proximity: I never got the impression that I was a project relegated to a formal appointment. There was always the sense that my mentors were accessible at any time and that our time together was not so things could be taught but so things could be caught.

Friendship: Jesus called his disciples his friends (John 15:15) and that is how I felt about all my mentors. They were older, more experienced, and in positions of authority over me, but I was their friend.

Commitment: I think back on my mentors and in every case the relationship we had was not based upon my commitment to them, but upon their commitment to me. I never had a mentor who gave me the idea that he was not committed to me. In spite of the quirkiness of the disciples and their inconsistent loyalty, Jesus, "Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end" (John 13:1).

Motivation: Why would my mentors enter into this kind of relationship with me? I'm sure there were many reasons: personal satisfaction, the joy of hanging out with a younger guy whose dad had passed away, keeping current with some of the new ideas that I was learning and sharing, having someone to babysit the kids. However, I know that all my mentors poured themselves into me and prayed for me not that I might be successful, but that I might look beyond myself to others. Jesus was always pointing his men to others—"Look at the fields, they are ripe for harvest" (John 4:35); "I will make you fishers of men" (Matt 4:19 ESV).

Mentoring For Ministry

We sometimes confuse mentoring with discipleship. Certainly there are similarities, but I think there is an important difference. I like what Biblical Ministries Worldwide has said: "Mentoring is advanced discipleship."

When you disciple young believers, you do it so that they may grow in their faith and reproduce themselves in others. When you mentor someone, usually he or she is already a disciple and yet lacks the experience and practical skills needed to grow in their ministries.

Paul and Timothy may have had a relationship that started out as discipling and then became mentoring. This kind of relationship between a more experienced pastor and a younger person in ministry can be a game-changer: mature ministry can be modeled and an emerging leader encouraged and developed for Kingdom work.

I believe that just as we are commanded to make disciples, so we who are older pastors should sense the same obligation to mentor those who are up-and-coming church leaders. Perhaps these are younger people on your staff, or they may be promising volunteers. Are you intentionally mentoring them? Perhaps they are young pastors who are alone in area churches. Reaching out to them and relationally engaging them can be a profound gift.

Many young men and women have not had godly moms and dads, or have not had people come alongside them when they were young, or are going it alone in pastoral ministry because no older pastor is mentoring them. Where would Timothy have been without Paul? Where would Paul have been without Timothy?

I am now nearing the end of my shelf-life as a local church pastor. I don't know what my next steps are going to be. However, the Lord has placed mentoring ministry on my heart. My goal is to relationally influence and encourage younger pastors in the development of their God-given resources for the sake of our Lord Jesus.

Why? Am I paying it forward for what Dave and Art and others did for me? Yes, that's part of it. However, there is more of a sense of gratitude for the sheer mercy that God has poured out upon me by his gracious call to pastoral ministry.

I want to pass along this passion and love for the Church to others so that they will be encouraged to press on and experience the truth of the passage I chose 43 years ago as my ministry life verse—"Faithful is he who has called you, who will also do it" (1 Thess. 5:24).

Dave McDowell is pastor of Community Fellowship Church in West Chicago, Illinois.