Many of us have a hard time talking about aging and an even harder time talking about death. But as long as we are still on this planet both are inevitable. There may be something innate about being an American that makes us believe that we will be forever young. In comparison to nations like China and some European countries, America is still a young nation. Perhaps this is related to why we resist confronting aging and death.
No matter what age one is, the aging and death of loved ones impact us all. The more we realistically confront both aging and death, the easier it will be to deal with these inevitabilities. Frank conversations about aging with ourselves, our children, and our parents can create healthier relationships.
A recent survey by AARP founded that nearly 70 percent of adult children have not talked to their parents about issues related to aging. If a parent was to become disabled, bedridden, or on life support, do you know what their wishes would be? While some of us think we know what our parents would want, others of us believe our parents don’t want to talk about it. But talk we should. Whether it is talking to an aging parent or to your children about your aging, a good talk can be great medicine. When talking about aging or end-of-life issues, it is important to be flexible. No one approach fits all families or individuals. Here are some suggestions on how you might move forward:
- Schedule time to talk about subjects like wills or living arrangements. This can often lead to understanding your parent’s deeper desires and needs, especially related to aging and death.
- Be realistic about what you are willing to do as a caregiver. Many adult children may not understand what they are in for when taking care of an aging parent. They may need to make arrangements for someone to do the things they cannot.
- Help your parent to determine if they have enough finances to sustain themselves or if a lifestyle change is needed. This experience with a parent may help you determine if you are preparing adequately for your own retirement and aging.
- Even in aging, many people want to stay productive. Help your parent determine how they want to stay active. Think through your own aging. Do you want to stay employed, even if it part time? Studies have shown that aging people who stay active physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually are healthier.
- As people live longer, long-term care is a concern. Do you or your parent want long-term care insurance? Are other arrangements possible and practical? How do you feel about taking care of an aging parent? How do your children feel about taking care of you as you age? If single, are there others who would look after you?
- With aging parents, and as we age, there are safety issues that must be considered. The elderly are often victims of fraud or, on occasions, physical violence. Usually the fear some older people harbor is not based in reality. You can talk through these fears with them. It is also helpful to know if your parent is afraid of dying. Spiritual concerns often come to the forefront as people age. Be ready and available to talk about such topics with your parents and with your children.
- It is helpful for an aging parent to have their legal and financial documents in good order. Does your parent have a will? Do you have a will? How difficult will it be for you or your children to understand your estate?
These are just a few of the areas that need to be explored as your parent or you age. While these may not be pleasant subjects to discuss, talking about them can actually ease the stress of all involved.
