Leadership comes with upsides and downsides, as do most life experiences and paths. But should every leader willingly acquiesce to loneliness?
Sure, some situations require the person in charge to make the final call. Alone. And that’s okay; such weight comes with the desk.
Experience has shown, though, that a wonderfully effective antidote to feeling lonely exists. It’s called listening to the voices. Not just anyone, mind you. Because a generous number of folks would love the chance to tell you what to do, how to do it, and what you’re not doing well. Nope, you are not alone as you encounter those people. Forget about that noise for a moment.
Whose positive voices deserve a leader’s high definition attention? Who offers words that remove feelings of loneliness because they travel in your ears through your brain and land in your heart? Aside from my spouse and immediate family, my life and leadership work better because of the following six voices. If these people exist in your life, thank them. If they don’t, find them.
- “Say no.” Those words came from Elise, my assistant, after she listened to me enthusiastically describe a new opportunity to teach at a nearby university. Instead of agreeing with my plan on how to make it work in addition to my full-time job, she kindly shared the reality of my upcoming schedule—and clearly articulated her conclusion. Who feels comfortable to speak realistically and definitively to you because he or she has your best interests in mind?
- “Build in margin to be you and enjoy life,” said Mark, who’s a leadership coach, confidante, and friend. Every few months, or more when needed, we meet over breakfast and he offers a piece of wisdom to help pace my exuberance so that I avoid overwhelming others and burning myself out. Who offers you timely coaching—but not criticism—which adds value to your life beyond just your leadership role?
- “Consider a different approach.” That’s how Jimmy, an advisor, challenged me to view an idea that likely would have received zero thought had it come from anyone else. But what a gift to know someone filled with gentle wisdom, willing to share a different, possibly better perspective. Who is much smarter than you, whose perspective you believe as a default, and who stretches your thinking?
- “You’ll achieve more when you learn to fail fast and move on.” In one memorable sentence, Betsy simultaneously encouraged me and lifted me from perfectionism’s grip. She served as our board chair and shared these words during my performance review. Who genuinely desires to see you and your organization succeed, relentlessly remains positive, and affirms the best out of you?
- “Nothing is ever as good as it seems or as bad as it seems.” Mike’s comments often helped me take a step back, draw a deep breath, and settle my anxiety. Spoken by others, his words might seem trite. Who can you talk with that has traveled further down the road than you, and who generously meets you with wise advice when and where needed?
- “I’m the ‘fun’ police in your life,” Doug often says. He knows the hardest person I need to lead is me. What a blessing to have someone see a person, not just a leader, when he looks at me—do you know someone like Doug?
David Staal, senior editor for Building Church Leaders and a mentor to a third grader, serves as the president of Kids Hope USA, a national non-profit organization that partners local churches with elementary schools to provide mentors for at-risk students. He also chairs the advisory board for a nearby college, and served ten years in leadership for a local church following a corporate career. David is the author of Show Up: step out of your story and into someone else’s (2016 release) Lessons Kids Need to Learn (Zondervan, 2012), Words Kids Need to Hear (Zondervan, 2008), and Show Up (2016 release). He lives in Grand Haven, MI, with his wife Becky. His son Scott and daughter Erin attend Valparaiso University.
©2016 David Staal
