Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages, the movie adaptation of a Broadway ’80s rock musical, has one—and only one—good thing going for it: Tom Cruise as eccentric rock god Stacee Jaxx. Otherwise, the film stands out only for the grand disparity between its best scenes—those with Cruise—and the rest of its bland, uneven proceedings.

Cruise steals the film—as he did as movie mogul Les Grossman in 2008’s Tropic Thunder. There’s a palpable difference in the film’s quality when Stacee is onscreen, thanks to Cruise’s engaging performance, full of aloof detachment and on-stage rawk power. Stacee is by far the richest character, has two of the best musical numbers, and supplies most of the fun. He’s the only interesting thing in the film. And did I mention he has a feisty baboon sidekick named Hey-Man?

Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx

Unfortunately, the baboon himself could stand above most of the movie—except for the scenes with Cruise. Rock of Ages is essentially a series of so-so 1980s music videos strung together by what could pass as weak Saturday Night Live skits or sappy teen-movie moments.

Set in 1987 Los Angeles—and featuring the music of Poison, Warrant, Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, Journey, and more—the movie centers on a seedy rock venue called the The Bourbon Room. Within its walls, three stories develop. A young barman (Drew Boley) and a waitress (Julianne Hough) fall in love—despite the alluring promise of fame trying to pull them apart. Jaxx, who got his start in the Bourbon Room, is on the verge of going solo. And Bourbon Room owner Dennis (Alec Baldwin) and right-hand man Lonny (Russell Brand) fight to keep the joint open despite protests from Christians over this evil brand of music.

This religious element was added for this film adaptation; on stage, the bad guy is a German developer. (London’s Telegraph notes that the villains “have been upgraded to the only people [the] screenwriters seem to think are even less hip than Germans: Christians.” The prudish Christians are led by Patricia Whitmore, the crusading wife of the mayor (Catherine Zeta-Jones).

Alec Baldwin as Dennis, Russell Brand as Lonny

Director Adam Shankman says they created the Zeta-Jones character “in order to revisit the cultural censorship that was going on in that period.” The studio’s press notes don’t identify the character specifically as a Christian, but they do refer to her as “an outspoken activist who feels rock ‘n’ roll is satanic music.” Still, many reviews of the film have concluded that her character, Patricia, is a Christian (one even called her a “neo-Puritan”), but in reality, her faith life is not overtly portrayed in the film. Patricia certainly appears conservative, but her attacks on the Bourbon seem not motivated by her faith but by politics and spite. Still, she does recruit Christian women’s groups to help her cause, and we see prudish women in their modest “Sunday best” picketing with “God Hates Rock”-type signs. It is cartoonish, but fairly benign. Besides, history bears out such a reaction; there have always been pockets of Christians who object to rock, even when they’re singing about Jesus (from Larry Norman to P.O.D. and beyond).

Catherine Zeta Jones as Patricia

But the best part of the film is Jaxx, and perhaps what sets his storyline apart is that it’s the only one of the three that feels authentic—not winking at the audience, not over-the-top kitschy, and not patronizingly cute. Only in Stacee’s journey does Rock of Ages seem to take its audience or the music seriously. Through him, the movie lets us relish this era and its songs. Stacee gives us a hint of the better—and more fun—film this could have been.

As the screeching guitars faded, I was left thinking how much I wished it had captured the type of earnest rock ‘n’ roll gusto that Jack Black embodies in his mock-band Tenacious D and films School of Rock and High Fidelty. What if the movie really felt like the ’80s and not a parody of them? What if it won us over with its unabashed, simple love for this music and these characters? I wish Rock could have passed on easy self-referential jokes and instead said, “This is how we rocked then. Wasn’t it fun? Weren’t we awesome?”

Rock of Ages‘ flubs in adapting the musical—from bland musical numbers and poor sets to the uneven pacing and discordant tone—is surprising considering the success that Shankman had with the likeable and fun Hairspray (2007). Perhaps, the culprit is simply lesser material. The dialogue is embarrassingly stilted and clichéd. The characters are shells. Some jokes fall so flat, they just hang awkwardly in silence. I expected a laugh track at times. A few of the big-named cast members (Baldwin especially) seem to know they’re saying ridiculous things and just phone them in. Other performances (Boneta’s especially) are just downright dull.

Julianne Hough as Sherrie, Diego Boneta as Drew

Perhaps the genre of the music challenged Shankman. How does one mix the jazzhand-joy and exuberance of a movie musical with Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, and Whitesnake? Shankman opts for a frivolous, hokey feel that is more Glee (which he has directed) than Moulin Rouge. Maybe he felt the material didn’t deserve the passion Baz Luhrmann lavished on pop music in his Moulin Rouge.

There are also practical matters: How do you create dance numbers to hair metal? The movie’s answer is to use a lot of shots of singers dramatically running at the camera. Over and over. Other choreography either literally translates lyrics—like Catherine Zeta-Jones shadow boxing to Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me with Your Best Shot”—or utilizes elements like pole dancing and concert performance.

Most of the cast’s singing performances pass muster, and fans of this era will have fun with the soundtrack. But I often wasn’t buying that the actors were actually singing. For whatever reason, most of these musical set pieces did not live and breathe. Instead, Rock of Ages comes off as the world’s longest lip-dub video. And lip-dub is so not ’80s rawk.

Talk About It

Discussion starters

How do you think the film handled the side plot of Christian women protesting rock ‘n’ roll? How has the church’s view of and relationship with culture changed since the ’80s? Is that a good or bad thing? What were the motivations behind the actions of the mayor and his wife? What does this communicate about those who protest?
Stacee Jaxx talks about how he feels trapped by “sex and other people’s perceptions.” What does that mean? What did Stacee’s storyline say about being a celebrity?
Jaxx also says wants to find the perfect song to make people want to live forever. What did that mean to you?

The Family Corner

For parents to consider

Rock of Ages is rated PG-13 for sexual content, suggestive dancing, some heavy drinking, and language. While there is no nudity, there are heavy sexual overtones: implied intercourse (including a scene of rough sex), orgies and oral sex, extramarital affairs, pole dancing, erotic spanking, a gay kiss, and men and women sexualized in skimpy clothing throughout and several body-part jokes.