Last spring, John* asked if we could meet at the Hive, our college campus snack shop. After a bit of small talk, he confided, “My friends said that you’re someone I’d feel safe talking to. And this is what I wanted to tell you: Since junior high, I’ve known that I am gay. I don’t think I’ll ever change. If you lined up one hundred of the most beautiful women you could find, I’d maybe be somewhat attracted to one.”
“Have you told your parents?” I asked. “Yeah. I came out right before I returned to school this year. I’m not looking forward to going home.”
Last year, Hope* told me that she struggled with homosexuality. Hope grew up in a legalistic Christian home where an older sibling had sexually abused her. Her parents have no clue about her struggles, and based on past experience, Hope believes her mom would turn suicidal should she discover her daughter’s same-sex attraction.
This semester, as we sat and talked in my apartment, her eyes beamed. “I actually had a crush on a guy who I worked with at Christian summer camp! I don’t feel so gay anymore.” But she also related how her ex-girlfriend recently ridiculed her faith in Christ, and how a female co-worker had confessed to having a crush on her. “The thing is, I have never told anyone I was gay. I don’t even know how she knew. Please pray that I would be protected from temptation.”
As a resident director and spiritual mentor at Cedarville University, a Baptist evangelical school in the Midwest, I interact with students in almost every facet of college life, and delight in encouraging them to follow Jesus closely in the midst of their struggles. I live with my husband and 2-year-old daughter in an apartment attached to a women’s dorm at Cedarville. In the past few years, the Residence Life Department has seen an increase in the number of students confiding their struggles with same-sex attraction. And because we believe the Bible expressly forbids homosexual behavior, yet desire help in being Christ to students who struggle with their sexuality, we invited Stanton Jones, provost and psychology professor at Wheaton College, to discuss the research published in his 2007 book, Ex-Gays? A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation, for Cedarville’s Critical Concern Series.
In his first lecture October 28, Jones addressed the question, Can gays change? He and his colleague, psychologist Mark Yarhouse of Regent University, studied a group of 98 men and women seeking to change from a homosexual to heterosexual orientation through the ministry of Exodus International. The study found that 15 percent of those who sought help from Exodus were successful in changing their sexual orientation. And 23 percent of the subjects remained celibate. In addition, Jones and Yarhouse found no measurable evidence that attempting to change one’s orientation is mentally harmful.
In his evening lecture, which addressed the question, Is homosexual conduct wrong? Jones referred to Scripture and the testimony of prominent theologians to argue that Scripture unequivocally forbids homosexual behavior. But he also challenged the church to treat homosexuals with love, respect, and compassion, and answered questions after both lectures.
Upon hearing that Jones would lecture on campus, members of Cedarville Out, a group of gay/lesbian and supporting Cedarville alumni (not endorsed by the school), decided to attend his lectures and requested a chance to schedule an on-campus meeting to present their views. Cedarville denied the request, so the group hosted a post-lecture panel discussion at an off-site coffee house. Instead of a formal presentation, the group focused primarily on telling their stories and allowing audience questions to shape the discussion. Three gay men on the panel shared how they had spent years trying unsuccessfully to overcome homosexuality. Eventually, the men said, they embraced what they saw as their “God-given” homosexual orientation, believing that since it is God-given, it cannot be wrong. All three said that they were committed Christians, leading happy, fulfilling lives.
Over and over again, Cedarville students mentioned to me the benefit of hearing Jones’s gracious presentations and Cedarville Out’s humble response to student, staff, and faculty questions. Neither side caricatured the other. Moreover, students became familiar with the strongest arguments on each side of the issue. My experience in the Christian community is that, where strong arguments are presented by proponents from both sides of the issue, gracious conversation is rare. Why? Because of fear that such open discussion will prompt students to endorse homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle. Or fear that expressing a desire to hear both sides will lead to verbal attacks and defamatory labels. It’s my conviction that completely isolating students from those who present opposing arguments to their views, in an effort to protect them, will ultimately backfire. If Cedarville and other evangelical colleges are not places where students can work through this issue in Christian community, I fear they will seek help and information elsewhere—from unorthodox sources who may not value the Scriptures as we do.
A few days after the discussion, I ran into Hope on the sidewalk, and asked what she thought about Jones’s lecture and Cedarville Out’s panel. She told me that she had a lot swimming around in her head and that we would need to talk soon. Last time John and I spoke in the cafeteria, he said he was contemplating whether or not to remain celibate. We plan to catch up next week.
Marlena Graves (M.Div., Northeastern Seminary) is a resident director at Cedarville University. She blogs at His Path Through the Wilderness.
*Names changed to protect students’ identity.
