Beyond "Us versus Them" - Christianity Today

When he was a freshman in college, Andrew Marin’s three best friends “came out” to him in three consecutive months. The self-proclaimed “Bible-banging homophobe” wanted to understand his friends’ experience. So he moved to Boystown, a Chicago neighborhood populated primarily by GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender) folks. He founded The Marin Foundation in 2005 to build bridges between the GLBT and Christian communities. Leadership assistant editor Brandon O’Brien asked Andrew what his experience might mean for the local church.

How can we begin to think differently about the link between the church and the GLBT community?

We are currently running the largest national scientific research study ever conducted about faith in the GLBT community. Preliminary data reveals a statistic that stands out above all the others: 86 percent of the GLBT community was raised in a denominationally based religion. This tells me that the Christian community’s mindset about gays and lesbians is often flawed. It’s not an “us versus them” issue; it’s actually “us versus us.” Up to age 18, 86 percent of the GLBT community is in our churches, sharing our pews. And who knows how many future GLBT people are still in the “closet.” We need to be asking, How can the church be a safe place for them to talk about their struggles and attractions?

What should the church do to reach those gays and lesbians who have already left?

Two great “big picture” ideas come from the words of Martin Luther King Jr. and Billy Graham.

While he was locked up in a jail in Birmingham, King said: “I am not afraid of the word tension. I have earnestly opposed violent tension my whole life, but there is a type of constructive, non-violent tension which is necessary for growth.”

Unfortunately, the Christian community has been fighting so fiercely against gays and lesbians that we don’t even know what constructive tension looks like. Constructive tension says, “With Jesus comes change. I don’t know where that change starts. I don’t know where that change ends. But I know I’m committed to finding out, no matter what happens.”

And when Billy Graham was asked why he attended a rally for President Bill Clinton after the sex scandal, his answer was, “Because it’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge, and my job to love.” So I think the other thing the church needs to do is remember its Kingdom job description. Engaging the GLBT community requires a commitment to willfully enter this uncomfortable place of tension and let the Holy Spirit do his work.

At what age do people typically become aware of a same-sex attraction?

Research shows that a person typically realizes a same-sex attraction by age 13; and the average age of someone who declares their sexual orientation as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender is 15 years old. The secular world and the public school system are telling our youth, “It’s okay. It’s not weird. Just ‘come out’ and we’ll accept you as you are.” We don’t have to agree theologically with that statement, but the church is supposed to be the come-as-you-are culture, and yet we are losing some of our youth to a large unbelieving cross-section of the population that literally takes them as they are.

Where is the best place for the church to address this issue?

The best way to keep these young people in the church is to address the issues on the home-front. Parents should learn how to talk about same-sex attraction and homosexuality and how to live in the tension as a representative of Jesus Christ in their kids’ lives.

The next best person is the youth pastor. I know hundreds of “out-and-proud” GLBT adults who never told their youth pastor about the most important issue in their lives—their same-sex attractions. If more youth pastors are trained to talk about it, more GLBT teens might feel safe opening up.