Your effectiveness as a leader depends a lot on what you do when no one is looking—the private spiritual disciplines you engage in to grow closer to Jesus.
Image, Madison Avenue would have us believe, is everything. Every decision we make is colored by the question, Will I look good and appear competent if I do this? We live in a self-promotional culture, taught from childhood to toot our own horns. The only thing we like to be secret about is our failures, be they personal or moral in nature. Christians are not immune from this situation. In fact, we’ve got it worse. We not only want to be successful and attractive, we also want to have it all together spiritually.
Spiritual image management can decide what church committees we hope to serve on, whom we befriend (and don’t), and the issues we choose to share with others about our spiritual life. If someone says, “I’ve spent hours on my knees” praying about a situation, what are they telling you? Is it possible that their motives are mixed?
Jesus continually reminded His disciples that the first will be last, and the last will be first. If you want to be great, be a servant first. Enter the kingdom as a child. You minister to children: but do you look to them as an example? Jesus said the kingdom of God is not about self-promotion and image management. So why do we still worry about what others think of us, and devote so much time appearing spiritually mature?
We all want to know that we are loved, that we have the approval of others. We want to be noticed, which is not necessarily bad. Within limits, our desire to be loved is healthy. But sometimes, I hate to admit, I end up trying to manipulate other people by acting ‘spiritual.’
Jesus had a name for people whose objective in acting spiritual was to influence what others thought of them: hypocrites. Rather than trying to please God, they used their spirituality to gain the approval of their community. Jesus warned that attention would be their only reward (Matthew 6:1-8).
I want people to think of me as spiritually mature, wise, and—oh yeah—humble. Jesus knew all of us would struggle with this and that’s why He gave us specific directions on how to win the battle with pride and deepen our connection with Him. The secret, he said, was to cultivate “hiddenness.”
The power of hiddenness
We look to spiritual practices or disciplines, such as solitude, prayer, meditation, and fasting, as a means to growth. And they each have the potential to open us to a deeper connection with God. Unfortunately, these same disciplines can also put us in the ditch during our spiritual journey.
It is possible to engage in disciplines without growing any closer to God. For example, it’s a good idea to spend an occasional retreat in solitude and prayer. But if we are overly eager to share with others all the spiritual insights we gain, we can fall into the trap of self-promotion and pride.
Usually, our motives are not entirely bad. We may not be entirely prideful, but we may wrestle with it. And wrestling is a good thing to do. A step toward humility comes when we realize that despite our tendency to self-promote, Jesus wants to help us.
Hiddenness is not just a nice addition to our spiritual life; it is essential, according to Henri Nouwen. “It is in hiddenness that we can find a true intimacy with God and a true love for people,” Nouwen wrote in Bread for the Journey. “If we don’t have a hidden life with God, our public life for God cannot bear fruit.”
Matthew 6 records Jesus specific instructions on hiddenness: He tells us to keep secret our giving, our prayer life, and our fasting. In other words, these spiritual disciplines are meant to be practiced in conjunction with the discipline of secrecy. Jesus is uncompromising in his assessment of those who pray, fast, or give, but ignore his admonition to keep it quiet.
Jesus did not intend to discourage us from praying or issue a moratorium on public prayer. Rather, Jesus was looking at our hearts and intentions as we engage in spiritual disciplines. Jesus wanted to protect us from pride. But more than that, he knew that there was power in the discipline of secrecy.
Hiddenness is essential to our spiritual life, because it forces us to examine our conscience before God and come clean with our desire to be recognized. Pride and hiddenness cannot co-exist.
The power of a shared secret
I’d like to tell you about the times that I’ve given or prayed or fasted in secret, but I can’t. Not because I haven’t done these things and not because I’ve done them countless times.
The reason I can’t tell you is because if I told you all about it, then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore.
However, I can tell you this: There is nothing that will build a bond like a shared secret. When I was a little girl, there was something special about a friend whispering in my ear, sharing confidences. Secrets told were a way of connecting. Secrets kept were the cement of friendships.
What would it do to your friendship with God if you regularly shared secrets with him? If there were kindnesses shown, prayers prayed, gifts given, that only you and he knew about? Like childhood confidences, such secrets strengthen our bond with Christ.
We long to feel closer to God, but we’re not sure how to get there. Jesus gives us a reliable strategy in Matthew 6. He focuses on three specific activities: giving, prayer and fasting. Let’s look at why these three need to be paired with secrecy, and then think about ways to try to put Jesus’ words into practice.
Giving: “When you give. . .” Jesus begins. Notice that he says “when,” not “if.” Jesus assumes that we will give to the needy, help the poor, and support the work of the church. But it was common practice for wealthy people to announce their gifts with fanfare, to make a big show of putting a penny in a beggar’s cup.
In our culture, we hold tight to our stuff. It’s hard enough to give it away. If we make a donation, we expect to get our name on a brick, at the very least.
Giving is a discipline that tests the purity of our motives and strengthens our trust in God. When we let go of our hard-earned cash, we have to trust that God will still provide for our needs.
First, it requires that we listen to God. What is He asking us to give, and whom is he asking us to give it to? Once we give a secret gift, we can say with a pretty clear conscience that we’re not engaging in image management. It can also give us a sense of purpose: we’re on a mission, being a conduit for God to answer the prayers of someone in need. That can build our faith in a way that simply dropping a check in the offering basket might not.
Another reason for secret giving is that the recipients are spared awkward indebtedness to their benefactors. We are guarded from the temptation to manipulate or demand reciprocity. The recipients are led into deeper intimacy with God because they have only Him to thank.
Here’s something to try if you want to stretch in the area of giving: Suppose you pass a homeless man everyday on your way to work. Maybe he’s sitting on the sidewalk, or standing at a stoplight holding a tattered, hand-lettered sign. This week, rather than averting your eyes and walking past quickly, plan ahead. Take a shopping bag and fill it with granola bars, juice bottles, fruit, nuts or other snacks. If you live in a cold climate, throw in a pair of warm gloves and a hat. Add some fast-food or other restaurant gift certificates, or bus tokens. Then, when you see that person, stop, look them in the eyes, smile and hand them the bag. Don’t preach them a sermon. And don’t tell anyone what you have done.
Prayer: In Matthew 6:5, Jesus lambastes hypocrites for praying “to be seen by men.” Jesus is not forbidding us to pray out loud. The Gospels record many instances of Jesus praying aloud. But they also record the fact that he often went away “to a lonely place” to pray. What matters is the purity of our motives. The Pharisees, according to Jesus, were more concerned about image management than authentic connection with God.
It’s not wrong to encourage a friend by letting him or her know you’re praying. And it’s certainly appropriate to pray with someone who is troubled. But what would happen if instead of saying, “I’m praying for you,” (and perhaps not following through on your word) you just asked how he or she was doing and then listened deeply?
What if you simply expressed love and sympathy for that person’s troubles and then you really did pray earnestly, not just once, but repeatedly? Someone who is prayed for in this way would feel God’s comfort more readily than someone who is told about prayers on his or her behalf.
Fasting: I lead retreats on spiritual disciplines, and fasting is one that is very much out of vogue these days, especially in America. Even in lean economic times, an outrageous amount of food is available to us.
As much as we may wish otherwise, Jesus does not say, “If you fast,” but rather, “When you fast…” As with prayer and giving, he assumes a certain level of maturity.
Fasting was a regular practice of Jesus’ first-century Jewish audience. Jesus’ admonition to them to wash and comb their hair when fasting was because of a common tendency to announce fasting by ignoring basic hygiene. Some Pharisees would actually try and make themselves look worse, just to let people see how pious they were.
Because fasting is not common in our day, practicing it makes us particularly vulnerable to pride. We may cloak our disclosure in false humility, perhaps casually mentioning it, or saying things like, “I’m afraid I can’t do lunch, I’m fasting.” While we may not disfigure our faces, we want to find some way to let people know about our amazing self-discipline and obvious spiritual maturity.
If you want to try secret fasting, try fasting from something other than food. Try fasting from television for a week. Or fast from gossip. Give up inappropriate “sharing” of other people’s prayer requests, which is, at its heart, gossip. Again, don’t mention your fast to anyone. Don’t say, “I’d love to tell you what I heard about Mrs. Jones, but I can’t. I’m fasting from gossip.”
Or, combine all three secret disciplines by doing something like this: on your lunch hour, go to a restaurant, and look for someone who appears less fortunate than yourself. Don’t have lunch, but arrange to pay their tab, and leave the restaurant before they can thank you. Pray for that person throughout your day. Don’t tell anyone what you have done.
Those “hypocrites”
It’s tempting to look at Jesus’ criticism of “hypocrites” or Pharisees, and quickly develop an “us and them” mentality. But we miss an opportunity for growth if we are unable to see ourselves in their story. The Gospels talk so much about hypocritical religious leaders because they prove how easily well-meaning people become corrupted. People like us. Jesus’ directives to give, pray and fast in secret stood in opposition to the habits of the Pharisees, and to our human nature.
We will be more motivated to follow Jesus exhortation to secrecy if we realize that the Pharisees are more a mirror than a bad example. Jesus told us to pray, give and fast secretly, not just to protect us from pride, but to strengthen our connection with Him. That’s not just what he wants for us, it is what he wants for Himself. He wants to be loved by you, to share secrets with you, and to fill you with the power of hiddenness.
Keri Wyatt Kent writes and teaches about spiritual formation. This article originally appeared on moodymagazine.com. Copyright Keri Wyatt Kent.
Copyright © 2006 Keri Wyatt Kent.
