The word family is warm and inviting. Preaching on family matters can be quite the opposite. It can cause visceral, knee-jerk reactions. How can our preaching strengthen families without discouraging broken people?
In this interview, from the PreachingToday.com online journal, editor Craig Brian Larson talks to Robert Russell, who has served since 1966 as pastor of Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky.
With all sorts of family models in our culture today, it’s not just two parents, two kids, and a dog. How do you help all of them?
That’s tough. There’s a tendency, with few traditional families, to think it doesn’t exist any more. We still need to hold high the ideal. At the same time, we must acknowledge failure, forgiveness, and a fresh start.
Before I preach on the family, I talk with single parents and parents of blended families. I listen for a phrase or two I can draw into the sermon. “Maybe you’re taking care of an elderly parent right now. You’re still under God’s umbrella of a family.”
It’s amazing what that does. It says I know they’re out there. It builds a bridge from my sermon to their situation.
You’re preaching to keep people together, and yet trying not to condemn those whose families have come apart. That’s a real tightrope. How do you balance it?
Two things: I address the tension head-on, and I bring more voices into the conversation.
For example, a recent sermon on divorce opened with a dramatic sketch—several teenagers told how they felt when their parents broke up. Then I told how Indiana lawmakers were considering ways to stop the breakdown of the family. I pointed out a Barna poll that showed divorce is as much a problem for church people as for anyone else. So my sermon wasn’t about the church bashing divorce. Everyone recognized the problem.
“I’m going to talk frankly,” I said, “but it’s not my intent to hurt anybody or put anybody on a guilt trip.” Then I acknowledged the divorced people present. “The same grace of God that has forgiven the rest of us belongs to you. I want you to know that you are loved here.” From there I was able to preach what the Bible says about divorce.
It eases tension if we confront it. Then healing can take place.
How do you talk about men’s and women’s roles in marriage?
I am careful to consider how women will hear what I say. If the preacher is a man, women may ask, What right do you have to talk about the wife’s role? Even Christian people have their antennae up more than they did years ago. So I try to lay some introductory material—that we are a Bible-believing church, and that God’s Word is our standard, not prevailing cultural correctness. I may also use more illustrations that are positive on the women’s side, and be a little quicker to poke some light-hearted ridicule at the men than the women.
Are there any subjects you do not address before the entire congregation?
Not much. I choose my words carefully. I say “intimacy” instead of “intercourse,” for example. You can address any subject, but it’s important to know your audience.
I have a men’s Bible study every Saturday morning. To those men I would say, “You wake up in the morning and you’re in a routine. You go through the same old shower and you eat the same old breakfast and go to the same old job. You quit at the same old time, and you come home and watch the same old TV shows. You go to bed, you ask the same old question, and you get the same old answer.” I would not say that to a mixed group.
Does preaching on family issues alienate singles?
I try to make the sermon applicable to all of my listeners. “A lot of principles in marriage apply to other relationships too.”
We can preach particular topics as long as we let people know we’re not ignoring them.
The unabridged interview is available at www.preachingtoday.com.
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