What do people want our church to look like?
It’s a question I’m often tempted to ask. Yet this impulse reflects in me a lack of vision or a deep insecurity.
A healthy church is secure enough in its understanding of the kingdom of God not to put on a show. At its core, a healthy church must walk in the light of the reality of God and the world. The first step toward honesty and health is identifying the dishonesty. Most churches don’t intend to be dishonest, but sometimes we create unrealistic expectations.
Its disguises
Here are several ways our churches can unwittingly participate in a form of hypocrisy:
1. By what isn’t said.
A young woman who visited our church described to me the three worlds of her early life: The first world was her home, where she was sexually abused. The second was a public-school room, where she was respected for her mind. The third was her church, which portrayed God as one who knew nothing of, and who made little difference in, her first two worlds. She said her church pretended that abuse did not take place among God’s people, and it did not appreciate her strengths as a woman. She felt her church did not encourage Christians to ask tough questions. This church hadn’t intended to be dishonest, but by not talking about real issues of life, it gave an inaccurate impression.
2. By what is said
In my early years as a believer, I felt many Christian testimonies gave an inflated view of Christian experience. I discovered the people giving testimonies often felt pressure to shore up what was, in many cases, a lackluster encounter with God. Inflated testimonies encourage others to subtly lie, and they promote a dishonest church.
3. By what is promised
Churches can fall into promising too much. For example, some paint an idealistic view of the first-century church.
One person said to me, “We are looking for a New Testament church, where people really love each other and where there is no carnality or hypocrisy.”
“Which New Testament church do you have in mind?” I replied. “Ephesus, with its racism and abandonment of Paul? Corinth, with its drunkenness, fornication, and divisiveness? Or maybe the church in Galatia, with its legalism?”
When we talk about the glories of the early church, we fail to realize that the Epistles were written to churches that were not living out biblical principles.
Not long ago a Christian musician gave a concert in our church. Throughout the evening, he made references to the need for revival. Who could disagree with an appeal to get right with God?
But as I listened to him, I was left with the impression that the purpose of the Christian life was to follow the shekinah glory of revival from place to place. This impulse can come from the idea that the first-century church was always full of dramatic signs and wonders, penitent disciples, and heroic faith. The reality is that the church has always been a work-in-process.
4. By what is attempted
Another way a church can inadvertently become dishonest is by attempting to meet people’s every need and to make them happy.
I called on a family that had gone through a series of devastating hardships. When I asked how they felt about the congregation’s support, I got an earful of complaints. The family felt grossly neglected. When I inquired further, I discovered that families had been bringing food to this couple regularly, friends in their small group had been listening faithfully, elders had called and prayed for them regularly. Yet in their minds, the church had not responded. I wonder if that was because their pain had not gone away.
Their expectation is half true. The church does represent Christ to the world. The church reaches out to give, encourage, comfort, and heal. But the congregation is made up of wounded healers who are not the Christ. When a church tries to meet needs, it will fail, and we should be prepared to handle people’s anger. God does not always take away our pain, so we must be careful not to give the impression that God or our church will.
Safe to fail
A church needs to be a place where it is safe to fail without being shamed. This is not the same as encouraging failure. But the worst form of failure is not to tell the truth about sin and not to show the truth about grace.
Here are some ways I’ve found to create an atmosphere of honesty and safety.
In the pulpit.
How a pastor talks about failures in his or her life, or the lives of others, indicates how safe that church is to confess sins. More than once, I’ve told our people that I am a most unlikely candidate for pastoral ministry: I tend to be introverted, easily exhausted by people. My temptation is to withdraw and respond rather than to take initiative in relationships. I can’t remember names and don’t like to visit the hospital, and meetings leave me exhausted.
I confessed that the sinful part comes when I use my personality limitations, which are excusable, as a cover for self-protective strategies and selfish interests, which are not. In short, I confessed to having mixed motives.
The honest confession of leaders encourages folks to walk in the light, confessing their sins.
I make a distinction between accepting people and approving of everything they do. Discipline is appropriate for people who are not facing their sinfulness; discipline is not atonement for penitent sinners. Too often churches tolerate people before they come to their senses (repent) and penalize them after they have humbled themselves.
One Sunday a missionary from our church stood before our congregation and asked for prayer for her troubled marriage. People were both shocked at her candor and strangely comforted. Their comfort came from an atmosphere that allowed such a vulnerable request to be made by a spiritual leader whose financial support was on the line.
The congregation responded to her the way she knew they would—with hugs and continued support.
Among key leaders
Another way to create an atmosphere of safety is for a church’s leaders to be honest with each other.
At our annual staff retreat, we report what is happening in our lives—and what we see happening in each other’s lives. This can be risky; some revelations are hard to hear.
On one occasion, a staff member confronted me: I seemed not to be engaged or interested in the decisions the staff were making. As a result, this person said, the staff tended to leave me out of the loop.
I accepted his comments as a gift. Finally, I understood why I felt as if I were being talked around in staff meetings. It wasn’t so much disrespect of my input as it was the staff’s logical response to my lack of support for what they were doing. I responded by deciding to spend more time with the staff, finding out what concerned them in their ministries.
Finally, I Understood Why I Felt As If I Were Being Talked Around In Staff Meetings
No need to hide
Developing openness and honesty in a church can be challenging, but I have found it worth the struggle.
A young man shared his testimony at a three-on-three basketball tournament sponsored by our church. In his five-minute talk, he told of the tragic murder of his brother, his ensuing depression, and his encounter with a church that made it safe to be honest. These forced him to deal with a God from childhood he had dismissed. He never made clear when or how he came to faith. What he did do, however, was tell an authentic story of his struggle.
One listener, who had refused to darken the doors of a church since starting college, responded to the testimony. He had grown up in a pastor’s home, seen a lot of show-time church, and was not interested in the hype. Now, through the honesty of this testimony, he became open to the gospel.
Sometimes the good news is simply the testimony that we can be honest before God and his people, that we no longer need to hide.
Jim Abrahamson is pastor of Chapel Hill Bible Church in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
1997 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. For reprint information call 630-260-6200 or contact us.
