The children were play-acting on the back porch. I could hear them through the kitchen window as I worked at my computer, answering correspondence for the ministry I direct
Cute, I thought. They’re playing house-or maybe school. But I began to hear about secretaries, mailing lists, and catalogs. Amanda proclaimed herself “The Director,” telling the others, “Go away now. I’m busy.
Hmmmm. I called out, “Sweeties, what are you playing?
“Nonprofit corporation,” they shouted. Nonprofit corporation? They can pronounce “nonprofit corporation”? And the director acts busy and self-important and shoos her children away? Uh-oh
I took a coffee break to mull over what I’d just heard. I had been trying to balance the duties of a pastor’s wife, mother of four, and director of a ministry to ministry families. Could it be possible that some area of my life was being neglected? Or some area of four little lives
That night, I dreamed my children grew up and wrote a best-seller about me: Pastor’s Wife Dearest. Oprah lined up a show with the theme, “Pitiful Adult Children of Neglectful Christian Leaders with Mixed-Up Priorities.” Leaning in for a misty-eyed close-up, Oprah asked, “We’ve all seen your mother acting sweet on Christian television. Tell us what she was really like at home.
Alex answered, “Well, she was an expert on fam-ily life in the ministry. But we rarely saw her.” Autumn defended me, “She always kissed us good-bye on her way to the airport.
I jumped out of bed, determined to prevent publication of that book! Oh, yes, and to win the respect and affection of my precious darlings. A homemade chocolate cake was waiting for them after school. Stevie asked, “Mom, who’s that for?
I smiled sweetly. “I baked it just for you, dear.
“Uh-huh. Who’s it really for?
That night, my husband and I evaluated the situation. “Dear,” I said, “how many more years do we have to love and train our children and influence their lives for Christ?
“Keep eating that cake, and you’ll have about two more years.
“No, really.
“Okay, we’ve got about a decade to make a difference with our kids and a couple of decades after that to change the world. After our kids, that should be easy.
I promptly relocated my office from home to an unused room at church. Home became “Home Sweet Home.” No more dining-room computer calling at all hours, “Come heeeeere. There’s always more to doooo.
I limited the number of speaking engagements and writing assignments I would accept. I also relinquished some of my church responsibilities. Others actually volunteered to do these tasks. I had entered the realm of the miraculous
Suddenly, I had time to help with homework, have fun as a family, carpool to lessons and activities, have their friends over. I began to prepare meals consisting of all four food groups, not just the pizza group or the Chinese take-out group. I hugged more and scolded less
Many can do the work of the ministry. But only I can mother my children. Many can take my place at the speaker’s podium. No one can take my place in my children’s hearts and lives
I hope they will grow up and write a book about me. Perhaps All I Really Needed to Know I Learned from Mom.
I can dream, can’t I
Linda Riley is director of Called Together Ministries in Torrance, California.
1997 by Christianity Today/Leadership Journal.
