WING WALKERS
Folks came from miles around when the wing walkers brought their show to town. These ultimate risk takers combined aerodynamics and acrobatics to thrill and amaze. Would they soar—or crash?
Today’s pastor knows how high expectations can be—and how it feels like stepping onto the wing of a moving biplane to try to meet them:
“No, I didn’t leave a message. When I call the church I expect to talk with a person, not a machine.”
“Why don’t we have a program like that?”
“How can you listen to everyone else’s problems all day long, then ignore your own spouse when I need to talk?”
By God’s grace, we defy gravity often enough that we can begin to accept unrealistic expectations from our congregations, our families, and ourselves.
Leadership assistant editor Ed Rowell spoke with six pastors to find out how they keep their balance when expectations soar.
WHAT IS YOUR ROLE AS PASTOR?
Ted Haggard: I see myself as a coach. A coach is a teacher, an encourager, and a motivator. A coach has to discipline people and at the same time keep them on the team. Most coaches are athletes who have just gotten older and wiser. That’s a pretty good description of what a pastor should be. I do not see my role as a shepherd.
Maynard Mathewson: I’m a shepherd of God’s flock. As the single-staff shepherd of a rural, western church, I do a little bit of everything! But mostly, I spend time with people.
We have outfitters and guides in our church, and I spend time with them. We have ranchers, and I’ve ridden with them in the high country, checking cattle. We’ve got carpenters and builders, and I’ve spent time with them. You have to do these things if you’re going to relate God’s Word to their needs.
John Macarthur: I teach the Bible and preach the good news that God saves sinners. The New Testament job description in Titus 1:9 is “holding fast the faithful word so that you can exhort in sound doctrine.” There are a lot of ancillary things a pastor is involved in, but there doesn’t need to be an identity crisis. You’re to preach the Word in season, out of season.
Heidi Husted: My role is as a guide—to help people make the next step in a Christward direction. Everyone is somewhere along the road of faith. I want to point them in the right direction and help them take that next step.
People need to be convinced of grace more than anything else. If people got hold of that—rather, if grace got hold of them—their lives would be transformed. I spend a lot of time convincing people that Jesus really does love them.
Kevin Cosby: As pastors, we are friends of the Bridegroom, watching over the Bride until the day they are fully united. But we are not married to the Bride!
I am also the leader. No other person in the congregation influences attitudes or behavior more.
Leadership: What does your congregation expect from you?
Maynard Mathewson: When someone visits our church, they expect the first visit to come from the pastor. When there’s a death or a serious illness in this church, they expect me to be there. That’s why it’s called pastoral care. And when there’s a special event, like baptism and Communion, they also expect the pastor to do it.
John Macarthur: People want to hear the Word of God made clear to them. We hear all the time, “I come here because I want to be fed the Word of God.” In fact, it’s interesting that people will say to me, “I came to Grace while you were preaching from First Corinthians 3” or “I came in Matthew 7.”
Ted Haggard: They expect me to do the things no one else can do. Only I can do the leader’s prayer and fasting for the entire church. No one else can study for my sermons. No one else can take care of my family. No one else can dev elop and minister to my staff.
Kevin Cosby: Actually, the expectations that weigh heaviest may be from our peers, not our flock. When we apply the measuring sticks of success—bucks, buildings, and bodies—we can slowly but surely lower our standards.
Heidi Husted: Rather than focus on what people want or need from us—that will suck us dry—it’s better to be in touch with what God expects. That’s so freeing for me. To listen and try to respond to all the human expectations is terrifying.
A book that helped me was William Martin’s The Art of Pastoring. When giving spiritual direction, he looks first at a pastor’s daily planner, “because it reveals volumes about that pastor’s spiritual condition, their values, fears, and ambitions. It tells me who their bosses are, who their lover is, and how much value they place on their soul.”
He goes on to say, “If you’re working more than fifty hours a week, you’re not doing it for God, no matter how eloquent your rationalization. Take a long, prayerful, meditative look at your calendar. Whom are you trying to impress? God? Give me a break. The congregation? Possibly. Yourself? Bingo.
“Now, cut some big chunks out of each week for family, rest, meditation, prayer, and flower sniffing. When you’re done with that, then we’ll talk more about the path to God.”
Leadership: When have you failed to meet someone’s expectations?
John Macarthur: I think of a man who had a little boy who was the light of his life. The boy had a brain tumor and died. I was there during the time of the dying. I was there to support the family. I did the funeral service.
Two years later, he came to me after church one Sunday and said, “I’m leaving the church.”
“Why?”
He said, “You were there when our son died, but you’ve never spoken to me in the two years since.”
My first thought was, Well, it’s a busy place. My second thought was, He’s right.
I fulfilled my professional duty, but my lack of sensitivity to the aftermath broke his heart. Sometimes those things happen, and you’ve really got to grab hold of your heart and do an honest inventory.
Gary Preston: In a previous church, the expectations were for the pastor to function as a priest: be there at birth, death, marriage, hospital beds. But the church needed a spiritual leader. Their expectations of a pastor clashed with my understanding of what they needed.
Maynard Mathewson: When I came to this church, I was told not so subtly, “Pastor, you do the marrying, burying, evangelizing, praying, and counseling. That’s what we pay you for.” I’ve done all that, with joy.
But along the line, folks have learned that I’m committed to Ephesians 4:11-13, “to equip the saints to do the work of ministry.” Because of the example I’ve set, even long-time members are beginning to catch that vision.
Rather than grow unhappy, change my role, or look for the perfect church, I set out to train people in what the scriptural role of the pastor and the flock ought to be. That takes time. It meant I had to commit to a long-term ministry.
Leadership: What’s the most demanding part of ministry for you?
Gary Preston: Without a doubt, it’s the unrealistic expectations of people. I have a shepherd’s heart, so I want to help people, please people, love people. But their expectations—well, sometimes they’re downright carnal.
People expect me to produce an exciting, life-changing, challenging sermon every Sunday, yet they also expect me to answer my phone every time it rings. It’s a great challenge to instruct people on how unrealistic their expectations are. The best way to do this is by constantly communicating what my life is really like Monday through Saturday.
John Macarthur: Without question, the incessant discipline of study. Once you make the commitment to be an expository preacher, you have committed yourself to relentless and careful discipline. To interpret Scripture, put it in theological context, and then find things from the world around you to give impact and clarity—to do that week after week, year after year, is a formidable task that demands exhausting effort.
Maynard Mathewson: Maybe the hardest thing is that you never quite feel, “Hey, the job is done.” You’re never caught up. There are just so many people to see, so many things that need to be done.
Heidi Husted: We’re counselors; we’re administrators; we’re communicators. The thing that can put you over the edge is believing you’re supposed to be good at every one of those roles. For instance, I’m supposed to stand up in a pulpit and hold people’s interest and be as funny and as good-looking and as articulate as the best media personalities.
Kevin Cosby: To persevere in spite of criticism. I can’t get frustrated with people who don’t buy into my vision; I must work with those who do. I practice what I call “The Little Bo Peep Principle.” You know, “Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep and doesn’t know where to find them. Leave them alone, and they’ll come home, wagging their tails behind them.” Some sheep you have to leave alone while you work with the sheep who will follow. The other sheep will eventually come home.
Maynard Mathewson: It is so painful to see someone who doesn’t really want to grow in Christ. Some people grow like gangbusters, while others don’t. The frustration is knowing that those who aren’t growing could be—but they refuse to take hold of what’s available to them.
Gary Preston: Relationships. Some days, it’s a challenge to love all the people. If I weren’t a pastor, I’d be apt to choose my relationships. Those who tick me off—well, I just wouldn’t be friends with them. But as a pastor, I have to work hard at loving and accepting even the ones who tick me off.
We’ve gone through budget issues recently about the percentage of money we give to missions, and we’ve had sharp disagreements. But I tried to make sure that people knew I loved them, even when we disagreed.
John Macarthur: I guess the thing that cuts most deeply, the thing you never expect, is when your dear, familiar friend, with whom you break bread, turns on you and sows seeds of discord or false accusation. It leaves you stunned. There’s no way to tell when it’s coming and no way to deal with the pain of it, the disbelief. The people who know you best have the potential to wound you most profoundly.
Leadership: How has your expectation of the pastoral role changed since you’ve been in ministry?
Heidi Husted: I had no idea how draining, how challenging ministry really was. No one told me how much I would live on my growing edge. I never read about how difficult it would be to take good care of myself.
I never dreamed it would be as conflicted as it is at times. I guess I didn’t read the Book of Acts very closely. I thought church would be a big, happy family. Well, it is family—and families argue and disagree.
Kevin Cosby: My greatest mistake was trusting God too little. There is so much more we could have done, but I didn’t think we could. I was putting my trust in finances and what the books said we were capable of doing.
I’ve learned to trust people as well. I was conditioned to see deacons and other leaders as potential adversaries. That mindset is counterproductive to leadership.
Gary Preston: I grew up in a healthy church, in which the pastor had a certain respect given to him. I was surprised to discover churches that don’t respect the position of pastor. I was also surprised that people aren’t sitting on the edge of their seat in anticipation of a sermon!
Leadership: Is it possible to separate your personal identity from your pastoral identity?
Kevin Cosby: It’s possible, but it means, for me, almost demanding that people recognize I’m a man first, then a minister. I’m protective of my time away from the pastoral role. At the barber shop, I don’t want to counsel someone; I just want a haircut.
I don’t care what’s going on at the church on Saturday; people know I’m not going to be a part of it, because that’s my day. I’ve been able to do this by learning two things: I can say no, and I’m not indispensable.
One reason we neglect our life outside the church is that ministry can become a narcotic, a form of escape from things like a bad marriage or a painful past.
Gary Preston: The pastoral vocation can steal things you never realize are gone until someday you wake up and look in the cabinet for them and they’re no longer there. One is your sense of balance, of recognizing what’s important, your priorities.
Early in our marriage, my wife and I made a covenant with each other that we would not allow ministry to overshadow our family. My wife will say, “You know, we miss you, and the kids are wondering if you’re going to be gone another night this week.”
Heidi Husted: As a single pastor, I don’t have a family, but I need a life that’s separate from my role, from my job. For the first ten years of my ministry, I thought if the church were healthy, I would be healthy. That’s backward. It’s only in the last five years that I’ve learned that to the extent I’m healthy, the church can be healthy. It’s hard to understand because it sounds selfish.
Kevin Cosby: Having a life apart from ministry requires incredible discipline. It means having a schedule and sticking to it. I schedule time for study, administration, and prayer. I also schedule time for exercise and family and Monday night football.
Ted Haggard: Every month, I take three days for prayer and fasting. It gives me time alone, time to rest, and time to soak in the Word so I come back refreshed.
Heidi Husted: I started thinking about what I did outside of the church. Answer: nothing. The church, in many ways, was consuming my life. A local high school offered a course in carpentry. I talked to our session [board] about pursuing it. They knew they wouldn’t be getting any less of my time, so they said “Go for it.”
For nine months, I learned carpentry skills and a summer later built a cabin with some friends. Carpentry is rewarding, because after a day of framing you stand back and say, “Look what I’ve done. It’s tight. It’s square. It’s plumb. It’s wonderful.” The fact that things were finished really scratched an itch in me. We all know ministry is not like that.
Frankly, part of my thinking was that I could be a carpenter if I ever needed an out. But the upshot was, I found carpentry even harder than ministry! I joked with a friend, “No wonder Jesus started out as a carpenter and ended up in ministry.”
Leadership: Amid all the expectations, how do you keep your passion for ministry?
Gary Preston: When expectations and frustrations are rising, I look for someone who’s up ahead to give me perspective.
Our family has climbed several 14,000-foot peaks here in Colorado. As I get older, it gets harder for me to make these climbs. My kids are always up ahead, so I’ll say, “Look down at the trail and tell me if there’s a better way to go.” They’ll yell down, “Go farther to the west, or circle around this knoll.”
Maybe they didn’t go that route, but when they’re up above, their perspective is different. If I follow their directions, I see they were right. I need the same kind of people in ministry.
John Macarthur: I try to remain thankful. My greatest joy is that my four children love Christ. Those who have married chose Christian spouses. They love their mom and dad and believe in the ministry. That’s a tremendous encouragement, because it says that at the most intimate level of your life, there is enough reality to convince your kids they ought to walk with Christ.
Maynard Mathewson: I tell myself, “Instead of blaming people, instead of going to another church, commit yourself to the time and patience needed here to teach, train, and show them the scriptural role. Give them time and space to make adjustments so these frustrations gradually turn into satisfactions.”
I also remember my job is not to make people happy. I just try to please the Lord. First Thessalonians 2:4 warns us not to be a people pleaser.
Heidi Husted: I remind myself that every pastor is an interim pastor. My predecessor was an interim for thirty-one years. Realizing we aren’t going to be here forever allows us to hold the ministry lightly and not clutch it.
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Kevin Cosby is senior pastor of St. Stephen’s Baptist Church in Louisville, Kentucky.
Ted Haggard is founding pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
Heidi Husted is senior pastor of Columbia Presbyterian Church in Vancouver, Washington.
John MacArthur is pastor/teacher of Grace Community Church and president of Master’s College and Seminary in Sun Valley, California.
Maynard Mathewson is pastor of Paradise Valley Community Church in Livingston, Montana.
Gary Preston is pastor of Bethany Baptist Church in Boulder, Colorado.
1996 Christianity Today/LEADERSHIP Journal
