The volunteer coordinator at the rescue mission was stunned. I had called to volunteer my family of four to serve at their downtown picnic on the Fourth of July just after the Los Angeles riots. “This is so unusual. We’ve never had a whole family volunteer before.”
Exactly—families are not expected to serve together. Many Christians who are parents (especially single parents) stand confused as this question wars within them: Do I serve my family or do I serve others?
Those of us who are church leaders are especially torn. We grieve when we see a dad and mom showing up faithfully at umpteen church meetings while their children clamor for attention. We vow not to fall into the same trap and so we clear the calendar and stay home every night.
Tired of that all-or-nothing game, I called the mission downtown and volunteered all four members of my family. As anyone might guess, my 11-and 12-year-old children worked harder that day than they’ve ever worked in my kitchen. They cleaned spills and shared resources with each other without one hint from Dad or me. Dad and I didn’t growl when they accidentally splashed red punch on our white shirts. We worked side by side, listening to guests’ stories and holding undernourished, cooing babies. Afterward our kids enticed us to explore the crumbling walls of the mission, and we enjoyed the kitchen help’s offer of ice cream sundaes made from leftovers.
A study by the Points of Light Foundation on family volunteerism spells out what we learned that day: Volunteer families enjoy themselves more than individual volunteers do. They get to know each other better, and they like working side by side with people they already know. The organizations like having entire families volunteer because they volunteer more frequently and the organization can recruit more volunteers per phone call.
From a parent’s angle, volunteering as a family is quite practical. Our time is so valuable and we are pulled in so many directions, but we want to spend meaningful time together. One friend feels these pressures so keenly that she told me, “Ministries aren’t going to survive the 1990s unless they allow families to serve together.”
We as parents can help ministries do that by “infiltrating” existing programs. When the youth group made its regular trip to a nearby rescue mission, my husband and I volunteered to drive. The director needed an impromptu speaker for the worship service, so my husband volunteered. My junior-high son sat in the service amazed to see his dad using a football illustration and a few favorite Bible verses to explain the gospel. “Is that Dad?” he asked me.
Some churches are catching on. Youth ministers are designing mission trips for teens’ families, not just teens. When one nursery coordinator notices a child or teen has volunteered to work in the nursery, she asks the rest of the family to work as a team that day. At another church, families sign up to prepare Communion together.
I am not expecting anyone to disagree with me about this. That’s what’s wrong. This is a yawn-and-doze issue. We are content to let the extremes continue: children isolated from Super Volunteer Mom or Dad, or Mom and Dad dropping everything because they are ministering to their family.
How about using your voice to speak up for families serving together? Start with what you are already doing and wax eloquent about it to the people who plan your church’s activities. When planning an event, ask coworkers how families can work together. When you are asked to visit the elderly, take your children with you. Granted, some tasks cannot be done by parents and children together, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a worthwhile goal in other instances.
And let’s stay grassroots. Please don’t start an organization called Families Serving Together and ask me to sit on the board—unless the board meets in Hawaii and my whole family can come.
Jan Johnson is a professional writer living with her family in Simi Valley, California. She is the author of When Food Is Your Best Friend and Surrendering Hunger (both published by HarperSanFrancisco).
Speaking Out does not necessarily reflect the views of CHRISTIANITY TODAY.
