Beyond Conventional Church Wisdom
Reflections of a Contrarian: Second Thoughts on the Parish Ministry by Lyle E. Schaller, Abingdon, $10.95
Reviewed by Dave Wilkinson, pastor, Moorpark Presbyterian Church, Moorpark, California
CW. Conventional wisdom. There is CW in politics. There is CW in the church. And there is Lyle Schaller, parish consultant with the Yokefellow Institute, who aims his well-honed lance at church CW. Take, for example, his Reflections of a Contrarian, where he puts his finger on twelve key issues facing the modern parish.
In Chapter 1, “Is There a Price Tag on Diversity?” for instance, he challenges the belief that a local parish can or should represent a cross section of the American population-CW in many church quarters. Perhaps, says Schaller, but at the cost of interpersonal relationships. Churches with great social diversity, like many independent, charismatic churches, usually unite around shared religious experiences. But that very social variety inhibits congregational intimacy. In many such congregations, after all, some may use Spanish or Korean as their primary language. On the other hand, churches where members share closeness are usually characterized by a homogeneous culture, like a typical middle-class, mainline congregation. But you can’t have it both ways.
Chapter 4 focuses on the generation gaps. Plural. Schaller identifies at least four of them. He describes in rich detail the demographics of our nation’s churches, as well as the different experiences and expectations of each generation. He also raises questions about the role each generation plays in the average church, and how that affects outreach, especially to the younger generation.
Schaller’s fifth chapter, “What Is the Influence of Population Growth?” challenges the cherished belief that “Our church would grow if only the town were growing.” It’s not necessarily so. He suggests that the most important population factor is not actual growth but the degree of turnover. The more movement, the greater the climate for growth.
Schaller answers his sixth major question, “Do Fewer People Need More Room?” with an emphatic yes. He argues that a significant shift has occurred over the last few decades: people expect more space. He points to the increase in the ratio of bathrooms to bedrooms and the larger closets and kitchens in modern homes, as well as the increasing size of schools. Students had four times more floor space in 1950 than they did in 1900. Today they have three times more than they had in 1950. For churches this means, among other things, that only four or five people will be comfortably seated in a twelve-foot pew that in 1950 sat six. The choir loft designed for fifty voices in 1950 now feels crowded when the choir exceeds forty.
Schaller concludes: “The congregation that is seriously and actively interested in reaching and serving the generations born after World War II can anticipate that success will be accompanied by a demand for more space.”
Schaller’s next chapter, “Is the Learning Curve Real?” explores the period of service for church staff and volunteers. Concerning committees, he writes that “applying the rule of rotation of office to all committees is one way of increasing the probability that the committees responsible for real estate and finances will dominate the decision-making processes.”
Many lay people bring with them a high level of competence in finance and real estate when asked to serve on those committees. Their learning curve is short, and their expertise emboldens them to act. Few laity bring an equivalent level of skill to an evangelism, missions, or worship committee. The learning curve is lengthened and the confidence to make decisions lower. Schaller suggests that extended tenure for members of such ministry committees will help equalize the influence.
Chapter 9, “Is There an Economy of Scale?” addresses the conventional wisdom that assumes that as a church grows, the per-member cost of buildings and pastoral leadership goes down. Not really, concludes Schaller. He observes that as a congregation grows, the average giving of members goes up. I asked him why. Because larger churches have larger expenses, and people give in response to a need, he replied.
“Giving is more related to costs than it is to income. If people don’t see the need in the local church, they will give to groups outside the church that make their needs known. Notices in the bulletin and newsletter about the financial needs of the church tend to be effective if the need is perceived as genuine.”
I also asked him about staffing for growth. A growth-oriented church, he said, generally needs one full-time staff person for the first two hundred people in worship and an additional full-time equivalent for every hundred after that. He stressed that increasing the lay staff best accomplishes this. “They cost less and are more productive,” he declared.
Costing less, yes. But lay staff more productive than pastors? He explained that lay staff tend to focus on one area that they do well and around which they gather a group of dedicated volunteers. On the other hand, pastors tend to be generalists and are usually handed a variety of assignments, some of which they don’t like and don’t do well. This dissipates their effectiveness.
Such are the highlights of this book’s unconventional wisdom.
Three Family Systems That Shape Pastors
Generation to Generation by Edwin H. Friedman, The Guilford Press, $25.00
Reviewed by James A. Anderson, pastor, Evangelical Covenant Church, Peabody, Massachusetts
One morning pastor Ted Jackson answers a telephone call from a tearful parishioner, Sheila Smith. She’s sure her marriage is coming apart. Her husband is unusually reserved and has been away from home far more than usual. Naturally, Pastor Jackson makes a counseling appointment with Sheila and urges her to get her husband to come with her.
A few Sundays later, church council member Byron Nagle takes Ted aside. “Pastor, you need to know that several families are talking about leaving. They don’t think you’re friendly-and they’re disappointed with your preaching.”
Ted is shaken. “I can’t believe it!” he replies. “Byron, you know how hard I’ve been working.” At the same time, he silently wonders if Byron may be part of a plot against him.
Meanwhile, Ted’s own family endures strain. His 11-year-old son, Jon, complains about strange, undefinable maladies. He often stays home from school and spends hours alone in his room. Linda, Ted’s wife, recently began working full time when she was promoted to a supervisory position in her real estate office. Ted has never felt good about her working. He knows some parishioners don’t approve. A noisy confrontation erupts whenever he suggests she quit her job or work fewer hours.
Such situations burden Ted with increasing stress. Old stomach pains reappear. He wonders, Is it time to look for another call-maybe even leave the ministry? A denominational executive counsels, “Hang in there; the crisis will pass and things will get better soon.” Ted feels alone and misunderstood.
If Ted Jackson were familiar with Rabbi Edwin H. Friedman’s Generation to Generation, he’d understand that the situations he’s facing-Sheila’s shaky marriage, critics in the church, his family problems-are uniquely related. The three families with which pastors work-parishioner families, the church “family,” one’s own family-share the special characteristics of family systems, and change in each begins in similar ways.
Equally significant, says Friedman, emotional issues in one of these families affects the others. If Pastor Jackson can learn to think systematically and improve his leadership in any one of the families, positive effects will spill over into the others.
Rabbi Friedman, who helped found a congregation in 1964 in Bethesda, Maryland, developed these applications of family systems theory during fifteen years as rabbi of that congregation. Currently, he is an active family therapist and conducts clergy training sessions in Bethesda. The surprising popularity of Generation to Generation, published in 1985 and now in its sixth printing, has created constant demand upon Friedman to speak at workshops and conferences of clergy and others in helping professions.
A summary of the family systems theory is sketched by Rabbi Friedman in the first section of his book. Five concepts are basic:
Identified patient-the tendency to label one family member “sick” and needing change while neglecting the family issues involved. While Ted and Linda focus on Jon, for instance, they can avoid chronic problems in their relationship and their extended family, which must be addressed if the real problem is to be solved.
Homeostasis-the fundamental drive of a family to stay in balance. A family becomes unbalanced when “a death, a geographical move, a divorce, or a sudden cutoff results in added pressure on another member.” Linda’s new job has upset the balance in the Jackson home. That doesn’t mean Linda should give up her job, nor that Ted is an insecure chauvinist. The focus must be on the family system, not just Ted’s irritation, or Jon’s aloofness, or Linda’s defensiveness. Otherwise progress, a new balance, cannot be achieved.
Differentiation of self-taking responsibility for oneself, avoiding dependence on others for one’s emotional well-being or blaming others for their failures to meet one’s needs. Instead of blaming others as the source of conflict, Ted Jackson can be a self-differentiated leader in his congregational family if he stands firmly and “nonanxiously” for his priorities while remaining in touch with others, including his critics.
Extended family field-several generations must be considered when evaluating a family. Understanding issues that originate in previous generations provides essential guidance for handling current issues. Coaching Sheila Smith, for instance, to see the impact of her extended family on who she is and how she reacts can help her relate better to her husband.
Emotional triangles-relationships formed by any three persons or issues. According to Friedman, “The basic law of emotional triangles is that when any two parts of a system become uncomfortable with one another, they will ‘triangle in’ or focus upon a third person, or issue, as a way of stabilizing their own relationship with one another.” Sheila Smith’s telephone call can be seen not only as a cry for help but also as an effort to triangle her pastor into the issues. She wants him to side with her against her husband. If Ted sides empathetically with Sheila, he is permitting detrimental triangling. If instead he works within that triangle in a “nonanxious” and neutral way, he can enhance the possibility of change in Sheila’s family.
With the conceptual groundwork laid, Rabbi Friedman goes on to describe ten “laws” of personal and congregational family life:
1. Emotional distance. Family members tend to use distance-geographic or emotional-to solve family problems. This is what Sheila’s husband did. Distancing seldom works; problems only surface in other relationships.
2. Loss and replacement. When a family (e.g., a congregation) rushes to replace a member who’s been lost (a pastor who has left), unresolved emotional issues of the previous relationship will recur (the new pastor is criticized for the same shortcomings of the old). Is it possible that Ted Jackson’s congregation is still working out leftover issues from a predecessor’s leaving?
3. Chronic conditions. Recurring symptoms in a family signal that other family members are probably responding in a way that perpetuates the problems. Coaching one family member to respond “nonreactively” can lead to significant change. Ted and Linda could arrest their chronic argument about her work in just this way.
4. Pain and responsibility. A person can tolerate pain and achieve self-determined goals when significant others challenge instead of comfort them. I, like most clergy, naturally try to help others by being sympathetic, caring, and loving. I’m learning to recognize situations in which persons can be helped more by challenge than by tenderness. Not only must they tolerate pain, I must tolerate their pain as they make changes. Friedman cites the story of Moses and Aaron at Mount Sinai: Moses leaves to find God’s direction for the people; helpful Aaron gives in to their appeals for a golden calf. Which strategy served best?
5. The paradox of seriousness and the playfulness of paradox. Family anxiety and seriousness go hand in hand, but playfulness can break the grip of seriousness. Sometimes I find that sensitive silliness will open up a highly emotional situation when seriousness gets nowhere.
6. Secrets and systems. Secrets make families increasingly anxious, separate people from one another, and perpetuate detrimental triangling. Of course, pastors must keep confidences. But Friedman reminds us that generally, secrets “are never on the side of challenge and change.”
7. Sibling position. Giving too much weight to the position of siblings (first, second, or third child) leads to fatalism. However, it’s useful for anticipating how people will function-why some persons need to be in control and why others tend not to stand up to a challenge.
8. Right diagnosis. Relationships should be diagnosed instead of persons. Otherwise, when one family member is diagnosed with a specific symptom, others can avoid changing. In addition, diagnosing an individual often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When an elderly member is diagnosed as incapable of caring for herself, indeed, she may become incapable. As Friedman notes, “Eventually a family member’s label becomes confused with his or her identity.”
9. Symmetry. This, the most basic characteristic of a family system, occurs when all the emotional pushes and pulls in a family add up to zero. A family tends toward a comfortable balance. Thus, when I overfunction as a pastoral leader, I encourage underfunctioning by lay leaders. My willingness to be the all-knowing, ever-capable father at home decreases the responsibility of other family members.
10. Survival in families. How one responds to challenge, rather than the intensity of the challenge, determines how well one survives that crisis. I see church families, devastated by minor events, labeling themselves helpless victims while others survive incredible crises and move on confidently. Pastors can best help churches pull through crisis by keeping their poise, maintaining their direction, and staying in touch, “nonanxiously,” with those most involved.
These ten rules constitute the major elements in family process. When used faithfully, they create thinking that frees people from analyzing only surface symptoms, helps them determine vital information, and moves them forward to lasting solutions. They pertain equally to any family, irrespective of cultural background. And they pertain equally to the three families of the clergy: those we counsel, those we lead, and those with whom we live.
In Generation to Generation, Ted Jackson won’t find a list of guaranteed techniques to deal with Sheila or Byron or Linda or Jon. However, he will discover new ways to think about the issues involved. His changed thinking will have a marked effect in his pastorate, not only in counseling but also in preaching, administration, visitation, and evangelism. Better still, he will reintegrate what often seem to be the disconnected or competing tasks of home and church.
In addition, Ted Jackson will learn a truly significant lesson: “If a leader will take primary responsibility for his or her own position as ‘head’ and work to define his or her own goals and self, while staying in touch with the rest of the organism, there is a more than reasonable chance that the body will follow.”
I trust Ted Jackson will take note. I know I have-and my three families have felt the difference.
Church Traditions for the Nontraditional
The Pastor’s Guidebook: A Manual for Special Occasions by Marion D. Aldridge, Broadman, $10.95
Reviewed by A. J. Conyers, professor of religion, Baptist College at Charleston, Charleston, South Carolina
In 1975 only a handful of Southern Baptist churches acknowledged the Advent season by lighting Advent candles or putting up a chrismon tree. A decade later, however, nearly a hundred SBC churches in South Carolina alone have begun what, for the free church tradition, is nontraditional.
Marion Aldridge, pastor of Greenlawn Baptist Church in Columbia, South Carolina, says he occasionally runs into people who resist observing such traditions. However, Aldridge believes the trend is moving in precisely the opposite direction, even among churches that typically have taken note of little more than Easter and Christmas.
Of course, more congregations observing the church calendar does not automatically lead to more edifying worship. In fact, lacking accessible literature on the subject, the efforts of well-meaning worship leaders often fall flat, becoming only strained attempts to pile on one more emphasis to a Sunday service or beginning what may soon become a dead tradition.
In The Pastor’s Guidebook: A Manual for Special Occasions, Aldridge offers a host of creative suggestions to help pastors overcome the add-on syndrome in worship planning. His interest in planning special occasions goes back to his early days as a pastor. He wanted congregations to appreciate the traditional church calendar. Serving in churches that celebrated only Easter, Christmas, and a handful of other special occasions, he slowly led them to observe the seasons of Advent, Lent, and Pentecost.
In planning these special observances, however, he didn’t find enough help within his Southern Baptist tradition or from the evangelical and free church traditions. Instead, his research led him into mainline Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox literature.
Nothing wrong with that, of course. But “the advantage of a free church perspective,” said Aldridge in a telephone interview, “is that I am not bound to the calendar or the particular practices of any of these traditions, but I can learn from them, and I can use them to enrich the experience of my own church.” This manual is the product of his research and experience, his aversion to worshiping out of mere habit, and that free-church eclecticism.
The book is divided into three parts: (1) Holidays-New Year’s Day, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, Thanksgiving; (2) Holy Days-Christmas, Holy Week, Easter, Pentecost; (3) Special Occasions-Stewardship Sunday, Race Relations Sunday, Day of Prayer for World Peace, World Hunger, Homecoming Sunday.
Aldridge devotes considerable attention to introducing various holidays and holy days, examining their history and their meaning. For example, we discover that the word Lent comes from an old Anglo-Saxon word meaning “springtime.” So “Lent is an excellent time,” he writes, “for spiritual spring cleaning.”
Aldridge also devotes space to subjects like calls to worship, prayers of praise, Old Testament and New Testament lessons. In addition, he includes various prayers and quotations.
Of course, the book is first and foremost a practical manual for planning worship. As I was preparing to preach for a local church, I noted that the scheduled Sunday happened to be both Mother’s Day and Pentecost. So I read over the relevant sections. I learned that both days relate to the topic of fellowship-in the home and in the church. I constructed the service accordingly.
Along the way, the book becomes more than a manual for special occasions; it also draws the reader to appreciate the depth and richness of Christian history.
Concerning the fact that the church calendar is built on many pagan celebrations, he writes: “The Christian church is always competing with the secular world for the attention of its members. … At Christmas, Easter, and Halloween, in particular, cultural forces threaten to rob specifically Christian events of their sacred meaning. The church is in a constant battle to assert its own theology in the face of enormous obstacles in society. On more than one occasion, the church has taken the specifically pagan event-like the worship of Easter at the vernal equinox-and invested it with new meaning to promote a Christian agenda. Imagine being Jewish, without Hanukkah, in a predominantly Christian society and you begin to understand the problem Christians had in competing with the encultured religions of earlier centuries.”
Although I preach occasionally, I do not have the regular duty of planning worship any longer. But if I were a pastor again, this book would become an indispensable friend.
110 Fall LEADERSHIP/89
Copyright © 1989 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
