I am not a physician. But physicians know me very well. More important, I have come to appreciate them as never before. Today I realize what I did to myself throughout my Christian life as a pastor, missionary, Christian businessman, and writer. Over a year ago, open heart surgery (a quadruple by-pass during which I “died” twice) proved the point once and for all: God is not the author of self-inflicted physical and mental abuse for the sake of the kingdom.
When Nietzsche said, “A sedentary life is the real sin against the Holy Ghost,” he expressed one reason ministers and writers are the highest risks to insurance companies. Both professions involve too many deadlines and too much sitting (counseling, researching, writing sermons, or what have you), which create continual heat in the arterial system. My own complicated open heart surgery in March of 1978 at the age of 50 left little doubt about what I had done to myself. I had pastored for six years, been a missionary for three, taught journalism at college, and written books “around it all.” Nobody said I had to do all that at one time. But the ministry is often a frantic gallop to keep up with the demands of people, programs, schedules, speaking engagements?and the needs of family on top of it all.
When I finally crashed at the very prime of my life, I faced a hard, long road back. There are no simple heart surgeries anyway, but mine was worse than average. It was unnecessary because, again, it was brought on by a sense ot Divine-human invincibility that said, “As long as I am doing God’s work, nothing really bad can happen to me physically.” I am still alive, by the grace of Cod. Too mai^ oi wj Aa^es m m. was torhmate to
^ ^ ‘mtT^5 earry ^ my “heart was not standing up to the pressure of the ministry. Others get no such indications; one minute they are roaring through the challenges of life, the next they are gone.
God, in many of these cases, never intended that. And it’s not just happening to a few isolated people. Recently I met with a dozen ministers in the Midwest, just for dinner and some social interaction. For most of them it was the first time that they had taken even an hour to do just that. But as we talked, I found out that each of them was already suffering from some breach in the body defenses? colitis, diverticulitis, migraine, chest pains, high blood pressure, just to name a few. They were not old men. They were middle-aged and younger.
At one point, when I had listened to them all, I said, “Gentlemen, shut off your engines!” That’s easier said than done, of course. And they told me that. And I sympathized, because I had said that I would do that many times over the years, but there was always one more thing, one more person in need, one more speech or piece of writing to prepare. But it is either cooling off or heading for a blowout.
My cardiologist told me during my recovery from surgery, “It’s no wonder that so many of you in Christian ministries, especially pastors, suffer these deadly ailments. One look at the schedules of the typical pastor or Christian leader is evidence enough. Either the body and mind are seen as treasures to be guarded, as finely honed tools given of God to be used wisely, or else they are ignored. To do the one is to balance the life and build a greater possibility of longevity and effectiveness. To do the other is to invite illness, much of which could be debilitating.”
Of course, it is true that this physical abuse is not confined to ministers or other Christian leaders. It happens as much in the secular world. But to the minister it comes as such a shock. My honest confession a few hours before heart surgery went like this: “God, for 22 years of my life I gave you all I had, and then some. I broke my back for you. And I didn’t mind. I was doing my thing, using the gifts you gave me. Somehow, it seems to me that I should have just a bit more of an edge over those who do not know you, or even those who do but are quite content to stay out of the action.”
I was the Psalmist ranting at the injustice of my plight when God was just trying to get my attention about what I was doing to myself.
The ministerial profession seems to beg the issue. Its squeezing demands on time can be nothing short of horrendous, and one is seldom conscious that there is a subtle eating at the innards with every tense board meeting, Sunday school meeting, counseling session, or confrontation with some irritated church member. The pastor sermonizes, marries, buries, baptizes, visits, confronts, counsels, and carries the budget on his back. He must answer to his board of elders and to his congregation?and to his wife and family. He must organize his staff, keep up their morale, monitor their areas of responsibility (because if something goes wrong, he, the pastor, is responsible). He must be tranquilizer, motivator, stimulator, inspirer, and organizer while keeping a proper “cool” profile within a community that may be coming apart. In all of that, he must make ends meet on what is usually a below par salary. He must separate his personal concerns of wife and children, his desires for them and their future, from what is his calling.
Many a minister has watched his family fade away before his eyes because of the long hours at the church, those midnight board meetings, mission meetings, youth banquets, and Sunday school meetings (“Pastor, if you don’t come, many won’t show up”). As he becomes conscious that he is losing touch with the treasure of his life, his family, he becomes much more conscious of the tensions of the ministry. A stitch of anxiety creeps in and slowly begins to fan the flame within him until something collapses inside.
Add to that the sense of insecurity in his job. A pastor has no contract, he has no assurance he will last a year in any given church. He is on trial from the time of his commissioning. Every Sunday morning and evening?and Wednesday night as well?he has critics in front of him. None of them mean to be that, although some are more articulate and vocal than others. But there is within the conscious territory of every preacher’s mind the realization that if he doesn’t “cut it” to certain specifications, especially those of the opinion leaders, he is on precarious ground.
I have sat with ministers who were broken because they didn’t cut it. I have watched them gamely fight to hold their ground even when they knew perfectly well the tide was moving against them. The cause was not the inability to communicate?it was simply a case of exhaustion. Caught in a myriad of administrative duties the pastor allows his study habits to suffer and finally it shows in his preaching. All of this eats at the heart muscle of any man, or the stomach lining, or the arteries, all of that which composes the miracle that is the human body.
Paul Tournier in his book Escape from Loneliness (Westminster Press) said, “I have rarely felt the modern man’s isolation more grippingly than in a certain deaconess or pastor. Carried away in the activism rampant in the church, the latter holds meeting upon meeting, always preaching, even in personal conversation, with a program so burdened that he no longer finds time for meditation, never opening his Bible except to find subjects for his sermons. It no longer nourishes him personally. One such pastor, after several talks with me, said abruptly, ‘I’m always praying as a pastor, but for a long time I’ve never prayed simply as a man.’ “
Some ministers admit this, some don’t; in fact, too many do not. There are always those, of course, who don’t feel any of this. But for those who sense it nibbling away within and who want to protect themselves from a physical or emotional breakdown, they must face the issues that contribute to it.
First, the pastor has to recognize that the pressures, if they are there (and few there are that don’t admit to some), are, in fact, real. He may or may not be conscious of them, but annual physicals have a way of picking them up. (It is astonishing to find out how many pastors never do get an annual checkup.) If he is conscious of them, he must not conclude that they are just another one of those “occupational hazards.” Many pastors refuse to concede that medical help is needed, and seldom do they ever indicate to their elders that they need some reprieve. But, having a pharmacy for a home medicine chest ought to be enough indication that something is out of order.
Of course it is not easy for a minister to admit vulnerability to the “flesh” in this sense. From seminary days on through his preparation he is conditioned to be the rock for his people, the one who does not bend easily with the winds. And if there is pain, it must be suffered in the private place with God. Many a minister I have known has suffered bleeding ulcers or killing migraines and refused to acknowledge it to anyone lest it indicate a weakness in his spirituality or his call. No one knows where that attitude stems from, whether it be presumption on the minister’s part or the congregation’s. It is buried somewhere in the Christian work ethic that says certain leaders just don’t get sick.
So then, to check the continual erosion that in- sidious pressures can cause, the pastor must not only admit he has them but come to grips with the very structure that seems to be doing him in. It is not to lay the blame anywhere. But, it is essential to find out where most of this wear and tear is stemming from.
Most of the time it comes from trying to work in a confused and fragmented authority structure. In checking with 50 pastors not long ago during a ministerial convention, I found that 48 of them never had discussed what church authority structure they were accepting with their call.
In other words, the pastor needs to know where he stands in the decision-making process of his church. Who is on staff, what are the provisions for assistant pastors, and where does the authority and accountability lie, with the elders or himself? No minister can operate in a void. If he does, it is inevitable that he will be waking up nights, mulling over the problems of bus repair, curriculum problems, choir, maintenance, etc. Or else he may wake up wondering if the decisions seem to be going around him, resting mainly in the hands of the elders or some other “self-appointed” manager. Whether the church has 100 members or 1,000, the pastor has to know what ground he is on, what resources are his to use, and who he has to help use them.
To avoid the taxing business of accountability without authority then, he might well start with this whole matter of how the division of labor actually breaks down.
In my own case, a course in management, emphasizing the use of authority and delegation, would have saved me many wasted miles and unnecessary strain. It is unfortunate that few seminaries offer such a course.
If there is no responsibility taken by others, the pastor finds himself performing the whole gamut of tasks?from checking the size of light bulbs in the hallways to patrolling the washrooms to making sure hymn books are in the pews. It is no wonder then that one minister became so befuddled because of the many housekeeping chores that his first lines to a couple being married were, “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust . . . dust thou art, to dust shalt thou return . . .”
Once a minister has the organizational structure in hand, he can begin to diffuse authority with accountability to staff, officers, and volunteer workers. Then he can face the number one killer that continually dogs him day after day?his use (or misuse) of time.
Monday morning golf is fine, but a once-a-week stroll with the clubs won’t do enough to cool the boil of a weekly schedule. Delegation or not, the pastor still carries a heavy load. He simply has to break out of the stress-filled routine and provide himself a proper block of time for a deliberate change of pace, or the pressure will get to him. This takes discipline, but he needs time just to sit and think, to ponder, pray, and study in a relaxed atmosphere. Too many pastors underestimate the pressures of having to communicate successfully to their people three times a week. God is God, yes. But God does not make up for the willful neglect of thorough preparation.
One pastor, broken in health at age 38, said, ” never went to a ballgame during my five years at the church. I love baseball, but somehow I felt that a day at the ballpark wouldn’t go over with the church people. Still, I needed a change of air. Every church picnic I attended led to some devotional from me, and that continual public relations smile that is supposed to go with the office. I didn’t mind that at all; I loved the people and those picnics. But I needed to go somewhere, kick off my shoes, and walk barefoot through the grass once in awhile. The familiar beat of church demands was getting to me. Soon I began to go stale, then I became tense about it. Life was going by. I was preaching, counseling, ministering?certainly what I wanted to do. But I was not tasting anything else in life, the things that would balance me as a man and a leader.”
There are some practical steps that you, the pastor, can take to ease this kind of strain and avoid the “physical crash”:
One, accept the fact that the strain is there and that you cannot ignore it as an occupational hazard. An annual physical checkup can say a lot about just what is happening to your body, mind, and emotions. Block out your appointments on the calendar a year ahead and let no one interfere with them. Further, cultivate a relationship with the doctor so there will be no miscommunication about what is going on in your body and what you must do to alleviate the problem. Then obey his counsel.
Second, make it a point to regularly clear one day to be completely free from any church activities. No studying, no sermon outlining, and Monday morning golf is not enough. Make it a day that is away from the community, whether you visit the art museum, take in a ballgame, or do some crosscountry skiing. Make it a day that is characterized by total relaxation. Some of the best insights into the nature of God and his wisdom come through times’ that are spent in simply walking along a bush path. Beyond that, of course, such a day cools down the chemical plant and refreshes the mind and spirit for the ongoing task. Ask the board of elders to authorize that day. They will.
Third, make it a point to exercise at least one hour a day. Find the activity that is most enjoyable to you, and stick with it. All the tensions that accumulate in any given day can be drained off very quickly in this way. But it must be every day. Spotty exercise programs are almost useless. But daily, systematic programs condition the body and the mind as nothing else really can.
Fourth, make it a habit to say no to events and schedules not necessary to the office of pastor. Avoid those summer speaking assignments at the local Bible camp. It’s nice to be asked and wanted, but a continual pressure to stand before people and communicate effectively only keeps the adrenalin running too long and too fast. Pastors who use their vacations to speak at some retreat center are not helping themselves at all, and they may well be abusing their bodies beyond repair. If Jesus took the time to rest, to get away from the crowds, then on what basis can you rationalize a twelve-month ministerial itinerary? You can’t. And, if there is a serious desire to preserve the body God gave for an extended time of ministry, it can only happen if the stresses and strains are eased. The same goes for those schedules inside the church. The youth can have their banquet, the women can have their missionary luncheons, and the men can have their bowling?without the pastor. Now and then you should touch base, but avoid the feeling of having to be into everything in order to hold the job. Make that clear to the elders at the outset.
Fifth, find out exactly what the authority structure is within the church. Who is responsible for what? Who makes decisions for what area? What resources are there to accomplish certain tasks? What are the possibilities of hiring an assistant pastor to take the load in visitation, for instance? Is there a regular custodian on staff? If not, demand one. There is hardly time for the pastor to clean washrooms or Sunday school rooms and dust the pews on top of everything else. Delegate every possible job area that can be done by someone who will be responsible to do it and do it well. Voluntary workers can be a tremendous help, especially if they are committed to easing the load and at the same time sharing in the ongoing of the work. But choose those volunteers carefully. Maintain contact with them; help them to feel essential to the ministry of the church.
Sixth, delegate freely, and once you do, stay out of the operation in question. Too many pastors blow their valves far too early because they insist on monitoring everything that goes on in the church, even though someone has been given responsibility for those activities. Make sure the elders know who is doing what job so they can monitor, if necessary.
Seventh, learn how to run a church business meeting. If a local college is offering a course in management along these lines, enroll in it and leam the process. Many a pastor saddled with this task and unfamiliar with management principles may well waste his own time and that of his busy executives. There is a right way and a wrong way to chair business sessions. The wrong way is evidenced by the far too many hours spent on a far too long agenda. Pastors who get caught in trying to lead in this area when they are not conditioned for it will find exhaustion becoming a regular companion, to say nothing of those who are members of that committee. Church business meetings should be quick, decisive, and short. It saves exasperation, which, in turn, prevents the blood pressure from soaring out of sight.
Eighth, do not take criticism as a personal put-down. A pastor must face the unsigned letters of complaint just as politicians must, but if he allows himself to take these as final indication of his pastoral success, he may not be around long. Nothing hurts more than criticism, certainly. But to allow it to cut into confidence, to dilute the sense of acceptance by all, is but to set off a chain of aggravating shock waves within. Ignore unsigned critical letters. But, in the meantime, check out the acceptance level with the board of elders; review the criticism with them; seek counsel from them as to whether complaints of such a nature are valid or not. But do not fret over them! Nothing eats more insidiously at the heart muscle than a sense of not being loved or accepted. Some criticisms are worth receiving. A great many are not. Learn to know the difference.
Ninth, cultivate one confidant in the church. Few pastors have a “Luke” with whom they can share their own needs. At one church, one man made it a point to let me blow off steam once a month, or as often as necessary, about the church, the structure, and the work load. Not once did he break my confidence. He prayed with me, counseled with me, let me get out my frustrations, then stood with me. Be careful about whom that confidant is, butfcy all means find one who will genuinely share, give, and receive. Otherwise you will feel totally alone, frustrated in not being able to vent your tensions and your visions. If there is no such outlet, the internal pressure continues to build until it blows the cap.
Tenth, maintain close relationships with your wife and family. Allow your wife to share the burdens, but do not load her with unnecessary ones. Your wife is more than an ornament, a caterer, a mother; she is and can be a tremendous strength to you, the pastor, as you struggle with your private wars. Children need to be included as well. When a pastor gathers his own around him periodically, shares the difficulties as well as the joys, prays with his family, and builds a sense of unity there, he can find reprieve in many ways for his own pressures. Wife and family who are shut out of the pastor’s struggles are really being short-changed, and they are the ones who suffer the most when something breaks.
There are no neat formulas for negotiating the pastoral journey, of course. Each pastor must become aware of himself in relationship to each area of his ministry, and take steps to ward off the debilitating effects of frustration and anxiety. God knows they are there. There is no reason not to confess the stress and take measures to cure it. God is concerned. But, again, it all comes back to you in the end. Either you realistically assess the strains upon you and seriously attempt to relieve them, or you will suffer a critical blowout along the way. The blowout need not occur. It all depends on your willingness to examine the panorama of your ministry and make some conclusions. From there, the cure is at hand.
The ministry is a tremendously fulfilling service. People want to protect their pastors as they do a member of their own family. But the pastor himself must realize that he too needs to be ministered unto, even as he ministers. It is, in the end, a question of stewardship. There are no “million dollar people” in the ministry. There are no bionic types. All face the same fragility. The key is to admit this, and then to take the steps to “preserve and protect.” The pastor owes this to God and his people.
Copyright © 1980 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
