Nearly 20 years ago, I found myself in a difficult situation with a work colleague whom I treasured. I had to exclude this person from a project. I knew this action would wound terribly, but I had to do what was right rather than what would feel best. I found this situation pushing me to an emotional and spiritual breaking point.

In the midst of the crisis, I sought out my boss, Bruce Larson. After discussion and prayer, Bruce led me from his office with his arm around my shoulder saying, "I am convinced you are acting in love; but, the real problem is that nobody knows what color love is." I walked toward my office pondering Bruce's comment.

As I sat in contemplation, I received a visual image, perhaps from the Holy Spirit, of this large woven basket-box my Grandma Rowland had for all the grandkids. It contained hundreds of crayons in every color produced by the Crayola company. I imagined myself digging through all of these colors seeking the one that was "love" for my particular situation. It was a horrifying challenge.

What color is love? Bruce is right—we don't always know. But we can seek to orient our lives in such a way that we are intent upon looking for that color in our relationships and behaviors.

A self-test
"The goal of our instructions is love which comes from a pure heart, a clean conscience and a sincere faith" (1 Timothy 1:15).

This single verse from mentor Paul to his young friend Timothy is so powerful. Work with it. The goal of all of our instruction is love.

Paul could have said, "The goal of all instruction is to evangelize the world, or to serve the poor, or to know the Bible, or to pray unceasingly with great depth and power." Or to prophesy and show signs and wonders. Or to develop impeccable theological thought systems. Or to bring justice to the world.

Sorry, but Paul says the goal of all instruction in the Christian community is love.

Paul qualifies love nicely so that it is not ambiguous. He tells us that in order to discern what color love might be at any given time, we need to operate from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and a sincere faith.

"Purity of heart," said philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, "is to will one thing." No one but God can truly know our motives. We probably come in second place in recognizing the darkness and light resident in all of our hearts. Purity of heart is to will one thing: love. None of us attains that fully, but in order to move in love, we must learn to discern our own hearts and motivations. So much of what we mask as love is fear, the need to be right, the need to be in control, etc. Purity of heart calls us to a sifting of the motives.

A clear conscience is a fine thing. Legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden, once said, "There is no better pillow to sleep on than a clear conscience." As we contemplate actions and search our motives, is there anything within us that needs to be dealt with first? In my difficult professional situation, I found myself wondering, "Are you ambitious?" I also found myself pondering times I had been excluded and how that felt. I realized I could not love my friend by excluding him unless I came to grips with my own experiences of rejection. I confessed my bitterness and resentment about those experiences to the Lord.

The third element in this test, a sincere faith, is not a large faith, not a dramatic faith, not a horribly pious faith; it is simply faith lived from the heart. It is radical abandonment to the love and will of God. It is a dependence upon divine resources to empower us to live day to day in the hope of picking the right colors for love in our various interactions.

Accept no substitutes: love is what it is all about. Love is the mark of spiritual maturity and progress. Love of God and others is the only pure source of motivation. Love of God's ability to change the world through our Holy Spirit-inspired acts of love is the goal of all spiritual pilgrimages.

Randy L. Rowland is lead pastor of Sanctuary, an emerging church in Seattle, Washington. He also works as a West Coast regional consultant for the Christian Reformed Church.

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